One down...

So, it would seem that after becoming infatuated with Eric last October, my "inner gay", that part of me that i have always known was there but never really payed much attention to, could no longer stand incarceration and demanded to be let out of his prison. And who could blame him. After all, he is the real me. And while have long accepted him, i didn't give him near the attention i should have. So, i turned him loose.

It was shortly after this that i discovered the great blogosphere, and started reading a few blogs. I made a few new friends, some of whom felt like family to me. After reading his blog, i felt as though Mirrorboy was my long lost gay little brother. He was in fact the first person i ever came out to, in real life or in cyberspace. But even after telling my new online friends who i really am, i still felt this burning need to talk to someone in my real life about my secret. The need to come out to a person i knew personally and spent time with on a regular basis became almost over powering.

I found that person in a friend from work. "Adam" is openly gay. He and i get along quite well at work, and we frequently talk and go outside and walk together when our breaks match up. Well, it rains a lot here in winter, so not much walking to be done. And with as many people as we have at my job, finding any kind of privacy in the building is rare. I guess Adam and i are going to need to get together outside of work so i can finally let out this deepest of secrets that i have been carrying with me for far too long.

I finally worked up the nerve to ask Adam if he would be willing to get together outside of work sometime. I told him i had something very important and private to talk to him about and didn't want to risk having anyone else over hear (the people i work with are for the most part pretty awesome, but real effing gossips). Hell, i even made sure that no one could over hear me when i talked to Adam about getting together. I was so nervous, my hands were trembling. But he said sure no problem. Whew! I felt better already.

With our odd work schedules, and different sets of days off, we had almost no time when we could get together. I kept checking with him periodically to see if he had some free time, and he almost never did. I finally got him to agree on a time and place. I was pissing my pants. On the morning of the day we were supposed to meet, i called and cancelled. I just couldn't go through with it. How could i ever tell anyone face to face that i'm gay?

Fast forward to last night. Adam and i get out on a break at the same time. Oh good...no one else is around. "Hey Adam, you have a few minutes? I really need to talk to you." "Sure", he says. WTF am i thinking?! Am i really going to tell him i'm gay at work, where anyone within earshot could overhear? Like i said, there are very few places to have a quite, private conversation with anyone at my work. But i'm in luck...the lobby of the Administrative wing is empty (people usually make mobile phone calls in there when the weather is crap like today), and all the office staff have long gone home.

"Adam, how are you at keeping secrets?" "I can keep a secret" he says. "Really? I mean really huge, earth shattering, mother of all secrets secrets." "Yeah", he says, "But you'll find it might not be so earth shattering after all". I give him an odd look, and he give me this knowing smile. "I have something i really need to tell you, Adam". And he says "I know", and gives me that smile again. "I'm gay." "I know" he says again.

Did i just do that? I can't believe i just did that. I just told someone i know and see all the time that i'm gay! I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. He told me he had suspected i was gay, but wasn't sure until i asked to talk to him outside work. We talked for a little while about his coming out experience and about how different the gay scene is here compared with where he grew up. We also talked a bit about our families and the varying degrees of acceptance he got from his family. His mother, like mine, is convinced gays have a First Class seat on the Concorde, non-stop service to Hell. We talked about how even though he has been living here for almost four years, how few gay friends he really has here (doesn't look good for me finding a cute, high quality boyfriend). And we talked about how accepting almost all of the people we work with really are. But, we kept getting interrupted by people walking through the hall. And finally a mutual friend came along and sat with us ending our liberating little chat. And before anyone asks, Adam has a partner who he has been with for seven years (i'm so jealous). And yes, Adam is cute. :p

So there you have it. The longer than necessary story of how i came out to a person i know in my real life for the first time. I'm still pretty stoked about the whole experience. And once again, i have stayed up all night and work is only a few short hours away.

Before i go, i want to point you all in the direction of another new blog. Please head on over and say hi to a really great guy named Randy at Overrated Integrity. He's in a pretty tough spot right now (much like where i was just a few months back, or still am for that matter), and needs all the help and support he can get right now.