So, yay, Porcupine Tree have a new album out titled "The Incident". I got my download copy this morning, and my physical copy came in the post this afternoon. What a great band. Porcupine Tree also open the US leg of their tour in Seattle tomorrow night, and i've got two tickets to the show. Porcupine Tree are one of those bands that are just as incredible live as they are in the studio, maybe even more so. The last time i saw them play was a couple years ago, and they were brilliant. The problem is, i bought two tickets thinking i'd have someone to go with when the show came around. Well, i've got no one to go with lol. Bummer. See what happens when i try being optimistic? I get the shaft lol. I buy two tickets hoping i'd meet someone to take to the concert with me and i still wind up going alone. So the next time anyone accuses me of being pessimistic, try to remember that from my perspective i'm simply being realistic.
I'm still playing games with the insurance companies about the value of my car. I hope they get off their fucking asses soon, because its coming up on payment time and i'd hate to make another payment on a car that's wrecked. Plus, my second car is falling apart around me...windows don't roll up, t-top roof leaks, half the stereo speakers are blown out, gears are making a funny noise. Its a mess. And it almost left me stranded once. It can't be trusted any longer. I need a new car.
I got to talk to my dream guy for a while on friday. God, is he amazing. Too bad he's so straight and in love with his girlfriend! Every time i think i am getting over how i feel for him, all it takes is to just pass him in the hallway at work for me to turn into a love sick fool. It's such a mix of emotions. He makes me feel happier than anyone i have ever known. Yet at the same time, i feel more sad and alone than ever because i know i will never be with him. Very strange indeed...
So, here's another song for you all to enjoy (or not). The Pineapple Thief are yet another absolutely brilliant band that will probably never get the recognition they deserve. This song is from their most recent album "Tightly Unwound" and really strikes s a nerve with me...not just musically, but lyrically as well. Such an emotional piece of music. Then again, what do i know...
Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
a swing and a miss...
OMFG...did Deadwing really post twice in as many days? Holy shit! He did! lol...
Well, i went to get pizza tonight. No cutie pizza boy to be seen anywhere. :( Major let down. This is driving me crazy. I can't even be sure he will be there when i go in, let alone be able to get a seat at his table. And i can't keep going back every couple of days. I'm trying to lose weight ffs, not gain it faster than ever. I know, get a salad. Honestly, who the fuck orders a salad at a pizza place? In any event, at this rate i will never find out if i stood a chance with him. How frustrating. So, it's obvious i need to change my tactics. I mean, eventually, if i keep going back, i will get seated in his section. But how long will that take ffs? Waiting for random encounters with him will take forever to find out anything about him. So, how can i accelerate the process without being creepy and stalking him? I really want him to like me, not think i'm weird. In all honesty, having him reject me outright would be better than playing this cat and mouse waiting game. Will he be there? Oh...he is this time. Will i get seated in his section? No. Good God. Try again next week? OK. Fuck. How goddamn ridiculous is that? Suggestions?
But, the night wasn't a total waste of time. The guy who served me was well cute, and friendly. Had a good chat with him. Don't thinks he's gay though. But, i could be wrong. Thank fuck i went for a long bike ride today (despite the fckn heat) to negate all the calories i took in with the yummy pizza.
Well, unless my cutie pizza boy comes knocking on my door later, i won't be posting again until next week after i come out to my pops. Until then...
Laterz
p.s. - regarding the name of the song i mentioned in my last post, it was "i say a little prayer" from the film "my best friends wedding" (and has been performed by many great singers like Aretha Franklin), which i have never seen. go ahead...try pulling my fckn gay card...i fckn DARE you!!! :D
p.p.s - regarding the randomness of actually being able to talk to cute pizza boy (aka cpb), i guess when something is really worth having (like having cpb as my boyfriend), it's worth waiting for. Once i actually get seated in his section, i won't feel like such a stalker asking to be seated there again. at least then i will have had him as a server at least once (when i first met him, he cashed me out with a take-away order, and helped me get my crap car started...lol).
p.p.p.s - i'm starting to feel like Torchy! with all of my post scripts! lol...that's a compliment btw... :P
Well, i went to get pizza tonight. No cutie pizza boy to be seen anywhere. :( Major let down. This is driving me crazy. I can't even be sure he will be there when i go in, let alone be able to get a seat at his table. And i can't keep going back every couple of days. I'm trying to lose weight ffs, not gain it faster than ever. I know, get a salad. Honestly, who the fuck orders a salad at a pizza place? In any event, at this rate i will never find out if i stood a chance with him. How frustrating. So, it's obvious i need to change my tactics. I mean, eventually, if i keep going back, i will get seated in his section. But how long will that take ffs? Waiting for random encounters with him will take forever to find out anything about him. So, how can i accelerate the process without being creepy and stalking him? I really want him to like me, not think i'm weird. In all honesty, having him reject me outright would be better than playing this cat and mouse waiting game. Will he be there? Oh...he is this time. Will i get seated in his section? No. Good God. Try again next week? OK. Fuck. How goddamn ridiculous is that? Suggestions?
But, the night wasn't a total waste of time. The guy who served me was well cute, and friendly. Had a good chat with him. Don't thinks he's gay though. But, i could be wrong. Thank fuck i went for a long bike ride today (despite the fckn heat) to negate all the calories i took in with the yummy pizza.
Well, unless my cutie pizza boy comes knocking on my door later, i won't be posting again until next week after i come out to my pops. Until then...
Laterz
p.s. - regarding the name of the song i mentioned in my last post, it was "i say a little prayer" from the film "my best friends wedding" (and has been performed by many great singers like Aretha Franklin), which i have never seen. go ahead...try pulling my fckn gay card...i fckn DARE you!!! :D
p.p.s - regarding the randomness of actually being able to talk to cute pizza boy (aka cpb), i guess when something is really worth having (like having cpb as my boyfriend), it's worth waiting for. Once i actually get seated in his section, i won't feel like such a stalker asking to be seated there again. at least then i will have had him as a server at least once (when i first met him, he cashed me out with a take-away order, and helped me get my crap car started...lol).
p.p.p.s - i'm starting to feel like Torchy! with all of my post scripts! lol...that's a compliment btw... :P
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
FAIL
I have been having a recurring dream rather frequently lately. The details are fuzzy at best, but the ending is crystal clear. Somehow, in my dream Eric and i end up kissing. When i wake up (and i always wake up mid kiss some where), i can still feel his lips on mine, and i can still smell him and feel his warmth. A good dream. It gives me just a few moments of pure bliss before i fully wake up and realize it was all just a dream. Then reality sets in. Hard and fast.
I woke up to this dream again this morning just a few minutes before my alarm went off. I actually had to get up early today (10:30am...early for me considering i didn't get to bed until after 5:00am). I had some lame, waste of time doctors appointment to go to at 11:15. After the doctor, i went back home to pick up some stuff i needed to return, and had forgot to bring with me in the first place. I forget shit a lot lately...must be part of getting old.
After returning my stuff and running a few errands, i decided to see if cute shoe boy was in at the mall. This time, he was. He was actually the only one in the store when i was there. And i was the only customer. Seemed like perfect conditions. Long story short, i asked him his opinion on some shoes, and asked for a little fashion advice. He was quite friendly, and i wound up complimenting his tattoos. He just said "thanks", and we went back to trying things on. When the time seemed right, i rather awkwardly asked if he'd like to get a cup of coffee or something sometime. "Really?" was his reply. I said yes, really. Then he said "I'm sorry, that just won't be possible". No further explanation, no nervous laugh, or appearance of being flattered or embarrassed. His response was really neutral. I could feel my face turn red, and i instantly felt so sick to my stomach, i thought i was gonna puke. I don't blame him for telling me to fuck off. I probably traumatized him, and now he'll be scarred for life. I did buy a pair of shoes from him after all that though.
Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck. Fucking failure and rejection strike yet again. At least my 100% rejection record remains intact. Do you know what made me ask him? Not having huge balls or being courageous or brave. Desperation, loneliness, delusion, and sheer fucking stupidity were the driving forces behind my actions. What the fuck was i thinking? What made me think that i had even one chance in a billion with a guy like him?
FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. Every avenue i have explored thus far has lead me to the same dead end. Oh i know, get back on the horse, try again, etc. It took all i had to do that and now i'm spent. After my shitty waste of time experience on various dating sites, and now this, i've had about all the rejection i can handle for a while. Maybe after i've had shit loads of cosmetic surgery and a personality transplant, i'll give it another go.
I woke up to this dream again this morning just a few minutes before my alarm went off. I actually had to get up early today (10:30am...early for me considering i didn't get to bed until after 5:00am). I had some lame, waste of time doctors appointment to go to at 11:15. After the doctor, i went back home to pick up some stuff i needed to return, and had forgot to bring with me in the first place. I forget shit a lot lately...must be part of getting old.
After returning my stuff and running a few errands, i decided to see if cute shoe boy was in at the mall. This time, he was. He was actually the only one in the store when i was there. And i was the only customer. Seemed like perfect conditions. Long story short, i asked him his opinion on some shoes, and asked for a little fashion advice. He was quite friendly, and i wound up complimenting his tattoos. He just said "thanks", and we went back to trying things on. When the time seemed right, i rather awkwardly asked if he'd like to get a cup of coffee or something sometime. "Really?" was his reply. I said yes, really. Then he said "I'm sorry, that just won't be possible". No further explanation, no nervous laugh, or appearance of being flattered or embarrassed. His response was really neutral. I could feel my face turn red, and i instantly felt so sick to my stomach, i thought i was gonna puke. I don't blame him for telling me to fuck off. I probably traumatized him, and now he'll be scarred for life. I did buy a pair of shoes from him after all that though.
Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck. Fucking failure and rejection strike yet again. At least my 100% rejection record remains intact. Do you know what made me ask him? Not having huge balls or being courageous or brave. Desperation, loneliness, delusion, and sheer fucking stupidity were the driving forces behind my actions. What the fuck was i thinking? What made me think that i had even one chance in a billion with a guy like him?
FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. Every avenue i have explored thus far has lead me to the same dead end. Oh i know, get back on the horse, try again, etc. It took all i had to do that and now i'm spent. After my shitty waste of time experience on various dating sites, and now this, i've had about all the rejection i can handle for a while. Maybe after i've had shit loads of cosmetic surgery and a personality transplant, i'll give it another go.
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