Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Oh how i wish i were on Maui...

Yes, this makes two posts in just a few hours. I had meant to put these pics on my previous post detailing my big news, but it took on a life of its own. Anyway, it's cold, windy and raining outside. I like the moody weather the Pacific Northwest offers up for the winter months. But after my trip to Maui last September, i was bit by the tropical paradise bug. Maui is the most beautiful place i have ever been. Heaven on Earth is barely an adequate description. I hope you enjoy this little view of Heaven.

^ The beach in front of our hotel, 50' from my room.

^ Sunset on Kaanapali Beach.

^ Iao Valley.

^ Waihee Beach.

^ The rugged north coast of Maui.

^ The road to Hana.

^ Haleakala National Park.

^ Looking north from the Haleakala summit.

^ Maui's west shore.

^ Lava flow on the south end of Maui.

The Start Of Something Beautiful

Here we go. I am entering completely foreign territory. I am beginning an exciting yet terrifying phase of my life. Well, i guess it's OUR life now. Yes, E is moving in with me. On Friday last week, he gave notice at his apartment terminating his rental agreement. No going back now.

I'm simultaneously elated and mortified by the prospect of have E move in with me. Obviously, i love him very much or i wouldn't ask him to move in with me. And it should be equally obvious that he loves me very much or he wouldn't have agreed to move in. But for as much as i love him and want to maximize my time spent with him, the pessimist in me keeps injecting doubt into my thought process and making me wonder if this is such a good idea. I am a fairly private person, and something of an introvert. I like my quiet time, going for hikes in the woods and not having anyone around to bother me. People are pests to me. I don't much care for most people. I am antisocial. No offense to any of you, my dear readers. I have people in my life that mean the world to me and without whom things just wouldn't be the same. But lets just say going to a bar and being surrounded by a bunch of drunken idiots that i don't know isn't my idea of fun. I much prefer small gatherings of close knit friends in my own home, or even better, their home. As such, even with people i love dearly, i require a fair amount of personal space sometimes. So how will i adjust to having someone else living in my house with me? How will i adjust to having strangers (E's friends) violating the sanctity of my home? What will i do when i can't come home from a late shift at work and crank my stereo up to 11 and unwind because E is in bed sleeping already?

On the other side of that coin, i am ready to take mine and E's relationship to the next level. I want to start building our life TOGETHER. I want to come home from work and have my loving man there to greet me and give me a kiss. I want to have someone to talk to after a particularly rough day. I want to have someone to keep me warm on cold nights. I want o be able to do all those things for someone as well. So despite my doubts, i still think E moving in is the right decision.

I'm not alone in my trepidation. E has been hurt and betrayed twice before. Once he was left homeless after his crazy boyfriend kicked him out and once he was left with an apartment and bills he couldn't afford on his own after his cheating boyfriend left him all alone. He doesn't want either of those things to happen again. All i can do is assure him i'm not like that, but i'm sure his past boyfriends all said the same thing. And then E's mother (who loves him and cares for him but disapproves of his gay lifestyle "choice") has to interject yet more doubt into his mind. She brings up his forthcoming trip to Rome, and asks what happens if i'm not there for him when he returns, or i decide i don't want him here anymore or if he decides he doesn't want me anymore when he returns? So now he's all freaked out and wondering if he made the right choice by deciding to move in with me where he once was certain he had.

Either way, it's happening. E is moving in with me. I think our mutual uneasiness will prove to be a good thing for us as we will both have greater respect for each others space and boundaries. We have been a couple for almost 14 months. We are nearly an old married couple by gay standards. It hasn't been easy, but we both put in a lot of work in keeping our relationship strong. I think we can do this. I think this is the start of something beautiful.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Still alive???

No, this blog has not been abandoned. I know, it's been nearly three months since my last post. But really, there just hasn't been too much happening. I haven't been inspired to write much either. But, i thought i'd drop in to see if there is still anyone out there who reads this. To be honest, i haven't read a blog in ages. I simply don't have the time these days. I still keep in touch with a few people and think about all the friends i made by blogging often. But everyone grow and moves on it seems.

I want a new car. I love my S5, and my daily driver A4 is a good machine. There are only a few things i want to change about the A4 to make it a car i love. For one, i wish it had all the minor convenience technology goodies such as rain sensing wipers, automatic headlights, auto-dimming mirrors, HID headlights, etc. I also want factory navigation. The little Garmin i have is a piece of shit. Unless one has an actual street address, the thing is fucking useless. The biggest thing i wish my car had is a bigger engine. The 2.0T is strong and has plenty of power, but it sounds cheap. It sounds just like E's little Mazda. Oh well, less than two years left on the lease. I would love an S4, maybe even a BMW 550i Xdrive...

Winter has set in here in the Pacific Northwest. A few weeks ago we were hit with a pretty nasty wind storm. There were sustained wind speeds of 60 mph and gusts to 75 mph in some areas. Getting home was a pain in the ass on that night as there were wide spread power outages and trees and power lines down all over the place. Luckily, i had electricity when i got home from work, which was very surprising. Normally all it takes for my power to go out is for some fat bastard to cut a fart. I've had more power outages in my current home than all the other places i've lived combined, including the tornado prone mid-western United States.

The week of Thanksgiving we were hit with snow. I got about four inches at my house. I hate the fucking snow. Yes it's quite beautiful, but it makes getting around a real fucking headache. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to get home from work, normally al 35 minute trip. It's not my driving ability or my car that are the problem. I learned how to drive in snow and have an all-wheel drive car. I actually find driving in snow sort of fun. But, the vast majority of drivers here can't drive on dry roads, let alone icy, snow covered roads. Far too many people who shouldn't be out on the streets are driving to the mall or the movies on their snow-induced day off from work. I have no choice, i need to go to work. There are no snow days for me. But all the stupid assholes who couldn't make it to work because of the snow seem to be out and about fucking off, getting in my way as i try to get to work. I'm sorry, if the fucking snow prevented you from being productive and going to work, you shouldn't be allowed out of your home unless it's an emergency. If you're able to get to the mall to shop, you should be able to get to work. I'm ready to go back to Maui.

It's not Maui, but i am heading to the Oregon coast in a week and a half for five days. I love the Oregon coast in winter. The cold, crisp sea air, the crashing waves, with howling wind, the moody fog and cloud cover. The place i stay is right on the beach, has a warm gas fireplace and a jetted tub in the room, and a king size bed for cuddling with the boyfriend. I can't wait!

Speaking of the boyfriend, we are talking about him moving in with me finally. I'm both excited and terrified by the prospect. I love him with all my heart, but i've never had a live in boyfriend and am wondering how i will handle having someone here with me 24/7/365. I like to have my space but i also love having him around. Quite the pickle.

E has also been accepted into a foreign study program. This means he will be in Europe for two months and having the time of his life, and i will be left alone. It sucks. I hate the thought of not having him by my side for two solid months. He makes me happy, and on some days he is all i have to get me through. I wonder how i will get by without him to talk to, to hold, to kiss and comfort me. He says "it's only two months, it'll go by fast." Well, sure, for him it will. He will be busy doing things and going wonderful places and seeing all sorts of new things. For me it will be the same old shit, minus the man i love. And i won't be there to kick the asses of all the European boys who will be hitting on him and trying to steal him from me. I trust him 100%, but he is a very sexy guy and i'm sure he will have occasion to be tempted by the fruit of another as it were. And as much as technology will allow us to communicate and see each other visually, it's just not an acceptable substitute for having him here with me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or some such bullshit.

Well, it's 2:30am and i need to get some sleep. Until next time...