Hello everybody. It's been a while since i last posted. But honestly, there isn't really too much worth mentioning going on lately. Work is getting increasingly annoying. Since changing crews in March, it's been a constant struggle forcing myself out of bed (even if it is at one in the afternoon). My God, some of the people i work work are far beyond annoying. They are intolerable. I hate going to work. Management on this side of the crew is no better. They micromanage to excess. Ugh... On a better note, i interviewed for the management position i applied for. I think i did fairly well, and sounded confident when being asked all sorts of ridiculous questions. Even better, only five people applied for the position. So, i have a 20 percent chance of getting the job right off the bat. Besides the prospect of promotion, about the only thing i like about work anymore (since all my work friends are on opposite schedules now) is training. I am an instructor at work and really like being able to teach new people how to do the job. Not to sound to conceited, but i am very good at my job. I think thats why i am so unhappy. It's just become incredibly boring. Once in a while, something interesting happens and i have to act fast to keep the situation under control, but most of the time its routine. Oh well, perhaps i'll get the promotion and will have something else to keep me entertained at work for a while.
One thing that really grates on me lately is this bullshit "click it or ticket" seat belt campaign. Yeah, it's been going on for a while in my state, and really isn't anything new. But when i hear the fucking cops whine about not having enough officers to adequately patrol and enforce meaningful laws and protect the citizens of their state, county, municipality, etc. one moment, and i see a TV ad the next telling me how the lazy pigs are stepping up patrols to specifically target people who aren't wearing their seat belts, i get kind of pissed off. I mean seriously, are there not more serious crimes the goddamn fucking cops should be concerned with? I guess there is very little risk in pulling over a soccer mom driving a mini van who isn't wearing her seat belt when compared to hunting down dangerous, armed criminals like murderers and rapists and child molesters. But hey, as long as the pigs are safe and sound passing out tickets for seat belt infractions, and the ticket revenue keeps pouring in to financially irresponsible government agencies who can't seem to make due with the already excessive taxation they impose upon their citizens, what does it matter if actual criminals who pose a risk to someone other to themselves are running around free?
*deep breath*
I've got tickets to see "Fiddler On The Roof" this Friday. That should be a lot of fun, as i've never seen a live theater production before, with the exception of a local production of "Jesus Christ Superstar" a long time ago. I bought the tickets as a surprise for E for our six month anniversary. He had mentioned that he liked this show and when i saw that it was coming to town, i scooped up some great seats. Needless to say, E is very excited.
Speaking of E, we are celebrating seven months together next week. Time sure flies when one is having fun! I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but i really do love him more with each passing day. Sure, we have our arguments about things, but we always make up quickly and move on. We both have our own set of issues that we are working through, and we are patient with each other and willing to stick it out and make things work. I am so eternally grateful for him, it literally renders me speechless sometimes.
E has got me hooked on a TV series called "Mad Men". It's basically a drama about the lives of advertising executives set in the early 1960's. E bought the first season on DVD at a going out of business sale at a local video store and we were both hooked from the first few episodes. I went out and bought seasons two and three and we are half way through season two after only one weekend. What happens next? I can't wait to find out! What really worries me is this...what happens when i run out of DVD's? Eeeek! I'd rather not think about it...
It would appear that April showers only bring May showers. I am ready for sun! I am way out of shape. I took a bike ride for the first time in a few weeks a couple of days ago and i was really slow. I did make it the full 21 miles of my standard route, but it took me 10 minutes longer and i was 4 MPH slower on average. I deffo need to ride more, and i am still in need of a new road bike. I'm thinking the Trek Madone 4.7. I also want to upgrade my mountain bike to something with front suspension, maybe even full suspension. I took E to Mount Rainier last weekend for a 10 mile hike. It was wonderful. I love Mount Rainier. One of my favorite places. Lucky for me, E likes hiking. But, E is used to hiking in more urban settings such as large city parks with unpaved trails. So, this was fun for him even though he was a bit unprepared for the difficulty of the hike. I admit, i'm a bit out of shape too, so this was a good warm up for some epic hikes this summer.
Well, i've taken up enough of your valuable time with my long winded, half-psychotic ramblings. Hope everything is fine and well for all of you out there! See you again soon.
Oh yeah, how fucking cool is this gonna be?!?!?!
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, April 6, 2009
He actually laughed!
It's almost quarter to four in the afternoon, and i just got out of bed. Yes, yes, i know, i'm a lazy bum and all that. :p I actually slept really well Saturday night, although i still only got about five hours of sleep. But when one is used to only getting 1 or 2 hours, 5 is pretty good. But, i didn't get a nap in before my mid shift Sunday night, so i was well tired when i got home this morning. Oh, and i did a bit of "spirited driving" on my way to work Sunday morning. Having to leave for work at 4:45 am has its advantages. :) It's about the only time i have the road almost to my self in this town. So the freeway (motorway) on ramp is long and straight, with good views ahead and behind. No cops in sight, gas pedal to the floor, through second gear, shift into third, and another shift to fourth. 125 MPH is reached in an alarmingly short period of time. :D The sound of the engine revving to its 7000 rpm red line is music to my ears. God, i love my car. OK, enough blather. :p
At work last night, Jack and i were actually fairly busy until about 1:45am, which is unusual for this time of year (we stay busy even later in the summer). Things normally die down well before 1am in winter/spring/fall, and we can settle in and talk or watch a movie. The cleaning girl finally came through at about 2am (also late) and did her vacuuming, etc. I finally get the laptop set-up and ready to watch "Dogma" at about 2:30, but i stall actually starting the movie. I am scared shitless and my stomach is in knots at this point just thinking about telling Jack that i'm gay. What if he flips out and our friendship is ruined? I still have to work mids with him (it's just us two all night long) for the next eight months. What if i tell him and he lets my secret out before i'm ready? So many ways this could go all wrong.
Anyway, i keep stalling starting the movie by making nervous small talk, digging through my laptop bag, fidgeting with brightness and volume settings on my laptop, and a bunch of other obviously odd behaviors. I finally turn to Jack and say "Can you keep a secret?". He says "yeah, whats the matter?". "I really need to tell you something, and i need you to keep it to yourself...you can't tell anyone, OK?" He gives me a look of concern and says "What is is? Are you alright?". Insert dramatic pause here. "I'm gay". He gave me a really neutral sort of look for just a second and then he actually laughed! "Holy shit! Is that all? I though you were going to tell me you were dying or something! Fuck man, i don't care about that. In fact, that explains a few things. Like why your were so open to being bi, and why you laughed so much when i mentioned my wife wanting our son to be gay." A few months back, we were having a discussion about all the new people coming in the building. A few of them are lesbians, so we started talking about sexuality a bit and somehow we wound up on being bi, and i'd made some comment on the order of "being bi automatically doubles your chances of getting laid. Maybe i should give it a try".
After that, he said he needs to have his gaydar looked at, because he never really suspected i was gay, just those few little hints i dropped to him. I went on to tell Jack that he and Adam are the only two people in my real life who know, and i think he was pretty flattered that i would trust him with my secret. He asked when i told Adam, and he said that it must be like a weight lifted from my shoulders. He also said, "I guess i need to be careful talking about tits now" and laughed. I told him (as if he really needed me to say it) that things aren't any different than they were before, except he now knows the real me. I told him we could still talk about all the things we did before, that nothing has really changed. I then said to him that i hope that my being gay doesn't change the dynamics of our friendship. He says "No, no, it's cool".
The rest of the night went on as if things were just the same as always. I can be a bit paranoid, and i was wondering if Jack was just being so cool about it in order to spare my feelings or something. I got over that pretty quickly, and just accepted the fact that he accepts me for who i am. On our way out to the parking lot after our shift, i thanked him for keeping my secret a secret. He just said "No problem, bud". Then he laughed a little and said he was thinking back to our argument with Dodge a while back. Dodge is a sick and twisted far right sort who believes that being gay is a mental illness just like schizophrenia, and that gays should be institutionalized and treated. Jack said he wanted to strangle Dodge after that, he can only imagine how i must have felt. I did tear Dodge a new asshole, but didn't want my secret revealed at that point. If we were to have that conversation now, I think i would tell Dodge "Oh yeah? I'm gay. Now what you sick fuck?" and get him in heaps of trouble for discrimination.
So there it is. I'm out to one more person in real life, for a grand total of two. After the way i had built up coming out to Jack, it was almost anti-climatic when i finally did tell him, especially considering how cool he is about it. I don't think they will all be this easy though. Who to tell next...
At work last night, Jack and i were actually fairly busy until about 1:45am, which is unusual for this time of year (we stay busy even later in the summer). Things normally die down well before 1am in winter/spring/fall, and we can settle in and talk or watch a movie. The cleaning girl finally came through at about 2am (also late) and did her vacuuming, etc. I finally get the laptop set-up and ready to watch "Dogma" at about 2:30, but i stall actually starting the movie. I am scared shitless and my stomach is in knots at this point just thinking about telling Jack that i'm gay. What if he flips out and our friendship is ruined? I still have to work mids with him (it's just us two all night long) for the next eight months. What if i tell him and he lets my secret out before i'm ready? So many ways this could go all wrong.
Anyway, i keep stalling starting the movie by making nervous small talk, digging through my laptop bag, fidgeting with brightness and volume settings on my laptop, and a bunch of other obviously odd behaviors. I finally turn to Jack and say "Can you keep a secret?". He says "yeah, whats the matter?". "I really need to tell you something, and i need you to keep it to yourself...you can't tell anyone, OK?" He gives me a look of concern and says "What is is? Are you alright?". Insert dramatic pause here. "I'm gay". He gave me a really neutral sort of look for just a second and then he actually laughed! "Holy shit! Is that all? I though you were going to tell me you were dying or something! Fuck man, i don't care about that. In fact, that explains a few things. Like why your were so open to being bi, and why you laughed so much when i mentioned my wife wanting our son to be gay." A few months back, we were having a discussion about all the new people coming in the building. A few of them are lesbians, so we started talking about sexuality a bit and somehow we wound up on being bi, and i'd made some comment on the order of "being bi automatically doubles your chances of getting laid. Maybe i should give it a try".
After that, he said he needs to have his gaydar looked at, because he never really suspected i was gay, just those few little hints i dropped to him. I went on to tell Jack that he and Adam are the only two people in my real life who know, and i think he was pretty flattered that i would trust him with my secret. He asked when i told Adam, and he said that it must be like a weight lifted from my shoulders. He also said, "I guess i need to be careful talking about tits now" and laughed. I told him (as if he really needed me to say it) that things aren't any different than they were before, except he now knows the real me. I told him we could still talk about all the things we did before, that nothing has really changed. I then said to him that i hope that my being gay doesn't change the dynamics of our friendship. He says "No, no, it's cool".
The rest of the night went on as if things were just the same as always. I can be a bit paranoid, and i was wondering if Jack was just being so cool about it in order to spare my feelings or something. I got over that pretty quickly, and just accepted the fact that he accepts me for who i am. On our way out to the parking lot after our shift, i thanked him for keeping my secret a secret. He just said "No problem, bud". Then he laughed a little and said he was thinking back to our argument with Dodge a while back. Dodge is a sick and twisted far right sort who believes that being gay is a mental illness just like schizophrenia, and that gays should be institutionalized and treated. Jack said he wanted to strangle Dodge after that, he can only imagine how i must have felt. I did tear Dodge a new asshole, but didn't want my secret revealed at that point. If we were to have that conversation now, I think i would tell Dodge "Oh yeah? I'm gay. Now what you sick fuck?" and get him in heaps of trouble for discrimination.
So there it is. I'm out to one more person in real life, for a grand total of two. After the way i had built up coming out to Jack, it was almost anti-climatic when i finally did tell him, especially considering how cool he is about it. I don't think they will all be this easy though. Who to tell next...
Thursday, March 19, 2009
"Damn, we're in a tight spot..."
So, today begins another work week for me. I have really odd hours and days off. And i've just had the last week off, so going back to work will be even more unpleasant than usual. I like my job, but hate the hours i work. Anyway, that is all a bit off topic.
Work is really a really a bittersweet thing for me these days. Management are total pricks, who for the most part go out of their way to make our time spent at work as miserable and stressful as possible (we do have a few good supervisors though). On the bright side, i get a decent paycheck, i get to do something that i enjoy, and i get to see "Eric".
Eric has been working at my place of employment for about ten months now. At first, i didn't pay him much mind. Just one of many new faces that have been showing up in droves for the last couple of years. But about six months ago, something about him really grabbed my attention. I still have no idea what made me notice him every time he was around, but whatever it was sure did the trick.
I began to try to find out as much as i could about him without seeming to obvious. The last thing i wanted to do was draw attention to the fact i have a crush on a male co-worker. I find out his name, the area of town he lives in, what kind of car he drives, and that he lives with someone. But i can't find out who he lives with. Roommates? Family? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? And i can't find any clue as to his sexual orientation. This only serves to increase my curiosity and interest in him. And as time goes by, my crush on him intensifies.
One day, he sits down at my table during lunch because i was already sitting with a mutual friend. My heart rate increased. My palms got all sweaty. "Is it getting hot in here?" Just being near him and hearing his voice made me lock-up. I opened my mouth to say hello, and got nothing but a barely audible croak. I'm 32 ffs! I shouldn't be acting like this! I could feel my face flush as i get more and more flustered and embarrassed. Finally i give up, excuse myself and leave.
About a week later, same situation. Only this time it's worse. Eric and i reach for the same section of the new paper at the same time and our hands touch. Instantly i go into awkward, bumbling idiot mode, and when our eyes briefly meet i can again feel my face flush and turn the brightest shade of red you could possibly imagine. I'm pretty sure everyone in the room noticed this (but that could just be my imagination, but he certainly noticed). I again tried to speak, but to no avail. So, i excuse myself and leave. Again. Don't i feel the fool...
I finally get around to introducing myself to him and a few of the other new guys. We talked shop, and cars a little bit, and now knowing we have at least our jobs and a love of cars in common, i begin to feel a bit more at ease around him. But the more i learn about him, the more i like him. And not just his looks (although he is incredibly cute), but everything about him. His voice, his smile, his hair, his laugh, his personality, his sense of humor, his kind and quiet manner, and his eyes. My God, i could spend eternity looking into his eyes. He is constantly on my mind. He is in my dreams. I want only to be near him. Yeah, this is definitely more than just a crush. I think i'm falling in love with him.
Just a few minor problems. One, the obvious, i'm gay and neither Eric nor anyone else knows this (although after how i blushed and ran away from him when we first met, maybe he does suspect). Two, after getting to know him better, i find out he does in fact have a girlfriend. Three, i still have no idea if he's maybe bi-sexual or if he's straight, or even what his attitude is towards gays.
But none of this stops me from feeling what i do for him. I have never felt this way about anyone else, ever in my life. Sure, i've had crushes on guys before, and have worked and gone to school with guys i liked before. But nothing can even come close to the way i feel about Eric. The logical part of me says "Forget him, it's not gonna happen. Even if he is by some minor miracle bi-sexual, he's got a girlfriend, so just put him out of your mind and move on". But my heart tells logic to kindly be quiet, and logic listens.
I don't know how to forget him. It's impossible. We are in each others company all week long in some capacity or another. If i'm not in his physical presence, then i'm on the phone with him (work related calls, btw). And i don't know what's more frustrating; knowing that i need to forget him and put him out of my mind before i drive myself mad, or knowing that i can never tell him how deeply i feel about him and that he will never know just how profoundly he has effected me.
Time to at least attempt to get some sleep me thinks. I've been up all night and need to get up in just a few hours to go to work. Maybe the solution will come to me in a dream...
Work is really a really a bittersweet thing for me these days. Management are total pricks, who for the most part go out of their way to make our time spent at work as miserable and stressful as possible (we do have a few good supervisors though). On the bright side, i get a decent paycheck, i get to do something that i enjoy, and i get to see "Eric".
Eric has been working at my place of employment for about ten months now. At first, i didn't pay him much mind. Just one of many new faces that have been showing up in droves for the last couple of years. But about six months ago, something about him really grabbed my attention. I still have no idea what made me notice him every time he was around, but whatever it was sure did the trick.
I began to try to find out as much as i could about him without seeming to obvious. The last thing i wanted to do was draw attention to the fact i have a crush on a male co-worker. I find out his name, the area of town he lives in, what kind of car he drives, and that he lives with someone. But i can't find out who he lives with. Roommates? Family? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? And i can't find any clue as to his sexual orientation. This only serves to increase my curiosity and interest in him. And as time goes by, my crush on him intensifies.
One day, he sits down at my table during lunch because i was already sitting with a mutual friend. My heart rate increased. My palms got all sweaty. "Is it getting hot in here?" Just being near him and hearing his voice made me lock-up. I opened my mouth to say hello, and got nothing but a barely audible croak. I'm 32 ffs! I shouldn't be acting like this! I could feel my face flush as i get more and more flustered and embarrassed. Finally i give up, excuse myself and leave.
About a week later, same situation. Only this time it's worse. Eric and i reach for the same section of the new paper at the same time and our hands touch. Instantly i go into awkward, bumbling idiot mode, and when our eyes briefly meet i can again feel my face flush and turn the brightest shade of red you could possibly imagine. I'm pretty sure everyone in the room noticed this (but that could just be my imagination, but he certainly noticed). I again tried to speak, but to no avail. So, i excuse myself and leave. Again. Don't i feel the fool...
I finally get around to introducing myself to him and a few of the other new guys. We talked shop, and cars a little bit, and now knowing we have at least our jobs and a love of cars in common, i begin to feel a bit more at ease around him. But the more i learn about him, the more i like him. And not just his looks (although he is incredibly cute), but everything about him. His voice, his smile, his hair, his laugh, his personality, his sense of humor, his kind and quiet manner, and his eyes. My God, i could spend eternity looking into his eyes. He is constantly on my mind. He is in my dreams. I want only to be near him. Yeah, this is definitely more than just a crush. I think i'm falling in love with him.
Just a few minor problems. One, the obvious, i'm gay and neither Eric nor anyone else knows this (although after how i blushed and ran away from him when we first met, maybe he does suspect). Two, after getting to know him better, i find out he does in fact have a girlfriend. Three, i still have no idea if he's maybe bi-sexual or if he's straight, or even what his attitude is towards gays.
But none of this stops me from feeling what i do for him. I have never felt this way about anyone else, ever in my life. Sure, i've had crushes on guys before, and have worked and gone to school with guys i liked before. But nothing can even come close to the way i feel about Eric. The logical part of me says "Forget him, it's not gonna happen. Even if he is by some minor miracle bi-sexual, he's got a girlfriend, so just put him out of your mind and move on". But my heart tells logic to kindly be quiet, and logic listens.
I don't know how to forget him. It's impossible. We are in each others company all week long in some capacity or another. If i'm not in his physical presence, then i'm on the phone with him (work related calls, btw). And i don't know what's more frustrating; knowing that i need to forget him and put him out of my mind before i drive myself mad, or knowing that i can never tell him how deeply i feel about him and that he will never know just how profoundly he has effected me.
Time to at least attempt to get some sleep me thinks. I've been up all night and need to get up in just a few hours to go to work. Maybe the solution will come to me in a dream...
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