Let's see...

Yay! Muse is coming to town in April and i've got my tickets in my hot little hands. I can't wait! Good times. After three and a half months of waiting, my new S5 finally arrived a couple of weeks ago. It is, believe it or not, better than the car it replaces. The electronics in this car far surpass that of the old one. The new one also has a really slick adjustable performance differential as a part of the Drive Select system. I haven't had the chance to test it's effectiveness yet, but in theory it will make cornering performance even better than ever. It's really quite a bit of fun to drive in any event. Now, if i can only be a good boy and take it easy on it for the first 1000 miles and break it in properly. I feel quite snobbish with a new Audi A4 and a new Audi S5 in my garage. Quite snobbish.

Anyway, i'm dead fucking tired. Time for bed. Laterz.

10001110101

Happy belated new year to all of you! I sincerely hope that all of you had a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year (the "holiday season" as it is now commonly referred to as). Regardless of what one believes, one can't argue that Christmas is rooted in the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. We have holidays for everything else these days, so why is it that people are so bent on taking the "Christ" out of Christmas? I would venture to say that 90% of the shops i frequented this year said "happy holidays" instead of merry Christmas. Even when i said "Merry Christmas" to a shop clerk i got a "happy holidays" in return the majority of the time. I asked several clerks about this behavior and some told me it was against company policy to say "merry Christmas" in order to avoid offending people. Seriously? Well, i tell you what offends me is an over abundance of political correctness. Sorry, but the day is still called Christmas. I work with the public in my job and am employed by a public agency. On Christmas Eve (a day Obama declared a holiday for the purposes of letting government employees go home early) i was counseled by a supervisor at work for saying "Merry Christmas" to my "customers". (Sorry for the vagueness of my work and employment descriptions, but it's necessary to retain my anonymity. Those of you who know what i do for a living will know what i'm talking about.) So, let me get this straight. Christmas is not only the name of the day, but is a Federal holiday, and is so important to people that the day before it should be declared a federal holiday but i'm not allowed to say Merry Christmas to people for fear of offending someone? BULLSHIT. I defied a direct order from a "superior" and kept right on saying "Merry Christmas", even while the supe was sitting next to me busting my balls for saying it (my "customers" are not in the room with me if you haven't gather that little nugget of info yet). He threatened to write me up for insubordination and i just laughed and said "go ahead, see how far that goes". What the fuck is wrong with people?!? He must be so miserable that he feels the need to snuff out even the smallest ember of kindness and human decency in order to try and make everyone else feel just as shitty as he does. I mean, i had to work Christmas and so did my "customers". So why not do what i can to be friendly and pass on a little kindness to people as unlucky as me that they should have to work on Christmas? Bottom line, all of this political correctness and being afraid of offending people has gotten out of hand. I have nothing but respect for whatever one chooses to believe or practice. But for fuck sake, LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My new year resolution number one is to be as politically INCORRECT as possible in 2010. Something i've said has offended you? TOUGH SHIT. Fucking deal with it. Fuck.

:END RANT:

Anywho... 2009 was one hell of a year. A lot happened. I met a lot of great people here online and i am grateful to each of you for your help and support and for your help in getting me to where i am today. And where is that exactly? For starters, i am OUT. I am an openly gay man and i can be myself and not have to worry about people finding me out for the first time in almost 20 years since i figured out i was gay. All the people who matter most to me are completely, and 100% accepting and supportive of me and do not judge me because of my sexuality. In fact, i have yet to have one bad reaction in a coming out scenario, although i am still waiting for my first one (and rather looking forward to telling whoever it may be to kindly fuck off, i don't need you anyway). I still have a lot of healing to do in terms of reconciling my past and coming to terms with the shit i put myself through by staying in the closet for so long. But i am making progress. Its a long road ahead, but when i look at where i was a year ago to where i am now, i can't believe my eyes. Its like i am a different man. I feel happiness for the first time in ages. I still have days where i am down in the dumps and feeling pretty low (and i imaging those days will come around from time to time for the rest of my life). But they are far fewer than they were in the past and less extreme in nature and easier to pull out of.

Perhaps most amazing of all, i have a wonderful boyfriend who i am deeply in love with and who loves me just as much. "E" is an incredible man who loves me for me, good and bad (and i can be a real asshole sometimes, so he must really love me to put up with that lolz). I love him for the person inside of him, for who he really is as well. But, i guess i must have been a really good boy because not only is he a sweet, smart, loving, caring (he brought leftover Christmas dinner from his families dinner to my house for me after i got off work on Christmas), wonderful man, he is also quite the good looker! I know, looks aren't everything, but they sure can't hurt. :P He's tall and slender and pretty much everything i could ever want in a man. Yeah, i got REAL lucky! And without going into too much detail, lets just say that i'm the more masculine of the two of us, if you catch my drift. Suffice to say, the sex is amazing.

That's all well and good, but more important, we celebrated our two month anniversary a few days ago. An eternity when measuring the duration of most gay relationships (hell, hetero relationships these days for that matter). Sure some of the newness and glow has dissipated, but i love him more than ever and we spend quite a lot of time together (fyi, our little trip to the ocean was simply incredible). So, here's to another two months, leading to years and decades of happiness.

Lastly, remember that little fender bender i was in back in late August? Yeah, the one where the stupid cunting whore drove her fucking TANK of an SUV into the rear-end of my car at 40 mph? Well, after three and a half months of waiting, my replacement Audi S5 has finally arrived. I am picking it up after work tomorrow. It is still costing me money, as the insurance only paid for the value of my totaled car, not replacement value, but will be well worth it.

Sorry for not posting more frequently, but i have been pretty busy as of late. I am on MSN once in a while, but its usually really late, and no one else is on. So, one of these days i will have to get on and do some catching up with all of you.

Until next time...

Yippy Skippy

After much stress and aggravation, i finally got a check in the mail from my insurance company as settlement for my car. I made out pretty good all in all. They paid me almost all of what i paid for my car (the settlement was about $415 light), plus sales tax and licensing fees. Not too shabby. The only problem is that a replacement is going to cost me about $3000 more than my car did. Fuck it, it's only money.

Last tuesday, i met Mikey for lunch (well, he ate before we met, so i made a pig of myself while he watched...lol) and then we went car shopping. We took a test drive in the new Audi S4. It has a brand new 7 speed dual clutch S-tronic transmission with paddle shifters. What a blast that thing is to drive! Instant up and down shifts, power to spare, classy machine. The voice control system could use a little work though...lol. I think Mikey is turning into an Audi-phile like me lol. What can i say, he's got class. :P And we looked really awesome driving around in my other car, a semi-ghetto 1999 Pontiac Trans Am. Don't get me wrong, it's a fun car to drive (goes really fast in a straight line), but it looks very dated. And the windshield is cracked. The only thing we were missing were mullets. lol.

I got the pleasure of inspecting an Audi R8 up close and personal. What a sexy machine! That is what a car should be! On saturday, i had to drive up to Seattle to drop off my deposit check for my new car (more on that in a sec), and the dealer had a "used" R8. I got to sit in this one, start it and revel in the beautiful noises the 4.2 litre V8 made as i revved is a few times. I think i'm in love. I wonder if i could sell some internal organs on the black market to finance the purchase of one of those...

Anywho, i ordered a replacement vehicle for my wrecked S5. What did i order? Yep, another Audi S5. It's slightly different from my old S5. I orderd it in Phantom Black Pearl (the old one was brilliant black) and stainless steel interior trim (old was carbon fiber). Just different enough to be interesting and new again, yet comfortable and familiar. Much to my surprise, the 2010 model year brought some much welcomed improvements in the electronics and navigation systems (my old car was an '09). The nav system is now hard drive based as opposed to DVD-ROM. So, access to info stored on the drive is much quicker than it was on the previous system. It also allowed huge improvements to the mapping on the nav screen. It's now displayed in 3D with terrain and a "flying" view rather than just and overhead plan view. The in dash disc player is a single disc drive instead of the 6 disc changer on the old car, but now plays DVD's on the nav screen when parked. The new car also has built in memory card readers in the dash to allow music to be played and transferred to the cars internal hard drive for music anytime! This is on top of the iPod connection and full control of the device via the new MMI (multi media interface) controller. Instead of just having a rotary knob for making selections on menus, it has a little joy stick built in to the center of the knob now as well. Vastly improved functionality. The last improvement comes in the form of a sport differential as part of the Drive Select option. It's an electronically controlled differential that can be set up to allow more aggressive handling through the twisties. I can't wait to toss this car around a bit...lol. I should almost thank that stupid bitch for running into me! Not really though, as it's still costing me moneys. So, in 3 or 4 months i'll be the proud new papa of an S5.

I think i might be mildly retarded. I have had my new MacBook Pro for almost a month now, and i'm still not used to it's operating system. I guess that windows brainwashing is hard to get rid of. I still love the Mac though! What a beautiful piece of engineering it is. I don't regret spending the money on it. I just need to pull my head out of my ass and figure out how to take advantage of all it's potential.

Are you still reading? Wow! I'm impressed! I mean, i'm bored ffs, and i'm the one typing this fucking blather!

Nothing has changed otherwise. I still haven't met anyone, or heard back from a certain someone. I have spent quite a few hours online reading profiles and composing thoughtful emails to guys i'm interested in on a couple of different dating sites and networking sites, and have had no responses. So, what is wrong with me? I mean, i work with a guy who is both fat and ugly (sorry, but its true) and he met a girl on the same dating site i'm using. This chick could be a model ffs! Not only is she good looking, but she's smart too!! He's got the personality of my toe nail clippings, has got to be close to 375 pounds and has a face only a mother could love and he's hooking hotties online. What the fuck am i doing wrong? Where is my smart cutie?

I have been out of control spending money lately. I have spent more money on clothes in the last six months than i probably have i all of my life previously lol. And music...omg. I placed a $425 order from amazon last week. CD's are piling up everywhere, and the rare vinyl (yep, i still buy vinyl records lol) is stacking up too. Oh, yet another new pair of sunnies...really smexy Ray-Ban aviators. If i had a boyfriend, this money would be spent spoiling him lol.

It's been a month since i've had a drop of alcohol. A close friend at work came to the realization he has a problem with drinking. So, his goal was to dry out for a month and see how things go. I offered to quit drinking for a month right along with him as moral support or whatever. Drinking isn't good for me anyway, and it was difficult at first, but i don't really miss it. I do need it as a social lubricant though lol. It tends to mellow me out and loosen me up a bit. Maybe a little now and then wouldn't hurt. :P

THANK YOU JESUS!!! The rain has returned! I am something of a weirdo...i'm quite insane actually. I like cool, cloudy, rainy weather. well, its cool cloudy and rainy outside right now. Classic Seattle weather. I love it! The warm and sunshine we have had here all summer long was wearing a bit thin with me... I guess i'm a true blue Washingtonian. :P

There you have it boys (and girls?). Yet another long, boring post that no one will read! If you have made it all the way to the end, you win a prize of my choosing! What could it be... Lets end this with a song... Dredg are a band i discovered by pure accident a couple of years ago. This song is from their album "El Cielo". This band is amazing. Stellar musicianship, interesting songwriting and crisp production. Each listen reveals something new. I hope you enjoy it!

Let's go for a drive.

On friday when i got to work, i ran into Eric as he was heading out the door to go home for the weekend. We got to talking and he actually stayed for about half an hour past the end of his shift just to talk to me. :) We wound up talking outside since the weather was actually nice that day. We just did a bit of catching up since we haven't seen each other in a while. Turns out he's off to Florida for a week of fun in the sun. Just the thought of him in any sort of swimwear makes me feel tingly. :p As we were talking, the sun was hitting his eyes and hair in just the right way. God, he is the most beautiful thing on this earth. I was positively glowing standing there talking to him. He makes me feel so happy and at peace. I had the strongest urge to grab him, pull him close and give him a kiss he would never forget. *sigh*

Anyway, as we were talking, the convo got round to my new car. Eric is as big a car nut as i am, and we frequently talk cars and such. About 2 months ago, i bought a 2009 Audi S5 (black on black). I love that car, and so does Eric. To quote him, "that is one sexy car". Indeed. :p So, when i first got the car, i gave Eric the grand tour, showed him all the bells and whistles, played the stereo for him, and gave him a short ride around the parking lot in it. Well, on friday as we were talking, he asked if my car was broken in yet and if i'd had any fun with it yet. I said yes it was broken in and yes, i have had some proper fun with it. He said "i would love to drive a car like that". I said, "you wanna take it for a spin?". He just looked at me and said "are you serious?". Now, understand, i am very picky about my car and i really don't like other people driving it at all. But, i saw a golden opportunity do a little bonding with Eric, and i took it.

Since i hadn't signed in yet, and he was off duty, we went for a short drive (normally we can't leave the facility when we are on duty). I took Eric over to my car, had him get in the drivers side and fire her up. He got the seat and mirrors all set up and we went out and had a bit of fun (driving that is :p). It was only a short trip, about 10 minutes, but Eric really enjoyed it. He had the silliest of grins on his face the entire time. I think i made his day, cos when we got back, he put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a little pat on the back and said "thanks man...that was awesome". That made my day. :D

Of course, all of this does nothing for me and trying to get over Eric. I grow more fond of him (if that is even possible) everyday. The way he makes me feel is indescribable. I suppose it is rather pathetic of me to feel this way about a guy i will only ever know as a friend, but i can't help it. I guess all i can do is hope that someday, my feelings for him will peak, and i will then start to regain my sanity. I just hope that i will be able to meet someone who not only makes me feel like Eric does, but will be able to return those feelings.