If anyone had told me even a month ago that i would meet an amazing man who i am 99.9% compatible with and who likes me as much as i like him, i would have called them a fucking liar. But much to my astonishment, this is exactly what happened. I have met a man who compliments me, who fills that lonely void in my soul, who understands and accepts me for who i am and not what i look like. So far, we have exchanged countless emails, text messages and phone calls. We have also had 8 dates over the past couple weeks. He has even spent the night at my house once. To say that we like each other is an understatement. The feelings we have grow stronger each day. Looking back from where i am now, i can see that while i may have felt attracted to guys in the past, and maybe even felt some emotional connection to them, they were all lacking something fundamental and indescribable. The "emotions" i felt toward them were empty. With "E" there is something more there than just a pretty face (and he is deffo cute). With him, we are connected on a level that is deep and real. All the cards are on the table. There are no secrets, nothing to hide.
It's official. I have a boyfriend. We are still trying our best to take things easy and not rush into anything (like sex for example). But, we are exclusive. It's pretty exciting. I love being with him, and he loves being with me. We spend all of our free time together it seems and i am longing to be with him when he isn't around. We really seem to be falling for each other.
Well, enough of my blather. I am taking an overnight road trip with "E" on Tuesday into Wednesday, so i probably won't be online much before the Thanksgiving holiday. Here's wishing all of you happy holidays!
Hope you enjoy the video.
Showing posts with label date. Show all posts
Showing posts with label date. Show all posts
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Start Of Something Beautiful
Oh, hello. Long time no talk. Sorry for not posting in a while. I've been pretty busy and a lot has happened since my last post. Almost all of it good. Quite good. So good in fact, that i am still waiting to wake up from what can only be a dream.
So, last time i posted was a little more than two weeks ago. At that time, i had been out on two dates with "A" and had got the lets be friends bit from him. I was pretty disappointed, but after a couple days of moping around, i kind of snapped out of it. He is young, 19 to be exact. While he does display an incredible amount of maturity for someone his age (hell, an incredible amount of maturity for people twice his age), he is still young. It took a lot of talking with a few of you guys (you know who you are, and i am in your debt for your friendship and support) on MSN to finally convince me of this. He is young and stupid was what i was told. Indeed he is. Despite being fairly mature, he still has no idea what he wants from life. My feelings for him are just the result of being starved of attention for so long and him giving me some much needed attention. Well, once i realized that i was able to move on and do just what he wanted...be his friend. We have gotten together a couple more times since then. Once for just dinner and once we actually took a road trip together. It was fun. After accepting being "just friends" all the outer awkwardness disappeared. In the end, all i experienced with him was for the best and was a valuable learning experience.
About the same time as when i got the lets be friends text from "A", i had began talking to another guy i met online, call him "E". I had sent "E" a message on one of the dating sites i have an account with back in late September and had never heard back from him. Out of the blue i get a message back from him and he is very apologetic for taking so long in responding to my message, as he doesn't check his account very often because he doesn't get very many messages and the ones he does get are from creepos. Wow, sounds kind of like me. So, he includes his actual email address and chat id so we can communicate easier. From his very first email to me, i knew he was something special. Just the overall tone of his email made me feel something was singularly unique about him.
Short story long, we began a series of rather lengthy emails back and forth. He was kind enough to include some info about himself in his first email as an ice breaker/convo starter. It worked rather well. I asked him some new questions about things he likes, what beliefs he holds, what music he likes, etc. With each new email, we asked each other new questions and answered our own questions from the previous email. It was a rather fun and interesting way to get the basic "get to know you" stuff out of the way. By the time we actually spoke on MSN, we had a pretty good idea about what made the other tick. After a couple weeks of exchanging emails and chatting on MSN, we exchanged phone numbers and began a textathon and finally arranged to meet.
Our first date was last Tuesday and it went splendidly. I picked him up at his place and we went to dinner at a very nice Asian place in Tacoma not far from his apartment. We talked with each other so easily, it was as if we were old pals getting together after a long time apart. It was a lot of fun. After dinner, we went back to his place to drop the leftovers off in his fridge so they wouldn't rot in the car the rest of the night. After about 45 mins of chit chat, i asked what he wanted to do next. I had made reservations for a concert (free show, but limited seating), but by the time we were ready to go, it was too late to catch the beginning of the show in Seattle. So, he said anything sounds like fun, that he's really easy going just like me. I asked if he has ever been to the Space Needle and he said no. Well, how about we go there? Sure he says.
Its about an hour drive to Seattle from his place and we have a nice drive up. It is raining and foggy on the drive up, and i was commenting on how crap the view will be if its foggy. As we approach Seattle, the fog lifts a bit and we can see the city skyline in the distance. We find parking and walk through the cold rain to the Space Needle huddled up beneath a couple of too small umbrellas. It was pretty intimate and we kind of cuddled up for warmth as we walked. We buy our tickets and head up. The view is incredible at night. We hold hands a bit and walk around, get a coffee, take some pictures, enjoy each others company and the spectacular view. After about 2 and a half hours, we decide to head out and hit the gift shop on the way out. I bought a Space Needle Lego kit (Legos FTW!!!), and bought him a cute little Space Needle pen he really liked. On our way out, i got a bit turned around trying to find the freeway and somehow wound up in the U-district. Hmmm...there is a great drive-in near there and i as if he like the place. He loves it, and so it's decide we stop for burgers and shakes. That done, and it's now 11:15pm (i picked him up at 5pm). "So, what next?" i ask. He says whatever is fine, so i suggest we go to my place and watch a movie. Ok he says.
So, off to my house we go and we arrive at about midnight. We plug in a movie and cuddle up on the couch. After the movie, the cuddle session turned to a make-out session. :D Yeah, fun times! I finally drive him home at about 5:30am, and he says he wants to meet again that night. Sounds good to me!
Ok, time to cut to the chase as i'm realllllllly tired right now. We met up that night, and had a great time again. We met again on Saturday, and i cooked dinner for him and again we had a great time. We went out again last night and wound up at my place once again. And again, i didn't take him home until really really late (early?). I am just amazed! He is really into me and i'm really into him. We are both deeply in "like" with each other haha. Both of us want the same thing...a lasting, long term relationship. Neither of us want to rush into sex just wind up fuck buddies. We both want to go a little slow and really get to know each other first. He is a bit older than the last guy, but still younger than me (he's 27). He is different. We just mesh so well. He feels the same way. It's amazing how well we get along. No awkward moments with him. Everything just feels "right". We are so compatible it's almost scary. It's like we were made for one another and have been destined to meet all along. This guy is special, he is different. This isn't some silly crush. I have been happier the three weeks i have known him than i have been in a long time, maybe ever. We compliment each other and i know he feels the same way about me because he has said so directly. This time, the feeling IS mutual. I am very optimistic about this. It has an entirely different feel to this situation than all the ones before. This feels real. This feels like it may be the start of something beautiful.
^ a slightly blurry view of the Seattle skyline from the Space Needle
So, last time i posted was a little more than two weeks ago. At that time, i had been out on two dates with "A" and had got the lets be friends bit from him. I was pretty disappointed, but after a couple days of moping around, i kind of snapped out of it. He is young, 19 to be exact. While he does display an incredible amount of maturity for someone his age (hell, an incredible amount of maturity for people twice his age), he is still young. It took a lot of talking with a few of you guys (you know who you are, and i am in your debt for your friendship and support) on MSN to finally convince me of this. He is young and stupid was what i was told. Indeed he is. Despite being fairly mature, he still has no idea what he wants from life. My feelings for him are just the result of being starved of attention for so long and him giving me some much needed attention. Well, once i realized that i was able to move on and do just what he wanted...be his friend. We have gotten together a couple more times since then. Once for just dinner and once we actually took a road trip together. It was fun. After accepting being "just friends" all the outer awkwardness disappeared. In the end, all i experienced with him was for the best and was a valuable learning experience.
About the same time as when i got the lets be friends text from "A", i had began talking to another guy i met online, call him "E". I had sent "E" a message on one of the dating sites i have an account with back in late September and had never heard back from him. Out of the blue i get a message back from him and he is very apologetic for taking so long in responding to my message, as he doesn't check his account very often because he doesn't get very many messages and the ones he does get are from creepos. Wow, sounds kind of like me. So, he includes his actual email address and chat id so we can communicate easier. From his very first email to me, i knew he was something special. Just the overall tone of his email made me feel something was singularly unique about him.
Short story long, we began a series of rather lengthy emails back and forth. He was kind enough to include some info about himself in his first email as an ice breaker/convo starter. It worked rather well. I asked him some new questions about things he likes, what beliefs he holds, what music he likes, etc. With each new email, we asked each other new questions and answered our own questions from the previous email. It was a rather fun and interesting way to get the basic "get to know you" stuff out of the way. By the time we actually spoke on MSN, we had a pretty good idea about what made the other tick. After a couple weeks of exchanging emails and chatting on MSN, we exchanged phone numbers and began a textathon and finally arranged to meet.
Our first date was last Tuesday and it went splendidly. I picked him up at his place and we went to dinner at a very nice Asian place in Tacoma not far from his apartment. We talked with each other so easily, it was as if we were old pals getting together after a long time apart. It was a lot of fun. After dinner, we went back to his place to drop the leftovers off in his fridge so they wouldn't rot in the car the rest of the night. After about 45 mins of chit chat, i asked what he wanted to do next. I had made reservations for a concert (free show, but limited seating), but by the time we were ready to go, it was too late to catch the beginning of the show in Seattle. So, he said anything sounds like fun, that he's really easy going just like me. I asked if he has ever been to the Space Needle and he said no. Well, how about we go there? Sure he says.
Its about an hour drive to Seattle from his place and we have a nice drive up. It is raining and foggy on the drive up, and i was commenting on how crap the view will be if its foggy. As we approach Seattle, the fog lifts a bit and we can see the city skyline in the distance. We find parking and walk through the cold rain to the Space Needle huddled up beneath a couple of too small umbrellas. It was pretty intimate and we kind of cuddled up for warmth as we walked. We buy our tickets and head up. The view is incredible at night. We hold hands a bit and walk around, get a coffee, take some pictures, enjoy each others company and the spectacular view. After about 2 and a half hours, we decide to head out and hit the gift shop on the way out. I bought a Space Needle Lego kit (Legos FTW!!!), and bought him a cute little Space Needle pen he really liked. On our way out, i got a bit turned around trying to find the freeway and somehow wound up in the U-district. Hmmm...there is a great drive-in near there and i as if he like the place. He loves it, and so it's decide we stop for burgers and shakes. That done, and it's now 11:15pm (i picked him up at 5pm). "So, what next?" i ask. He says whatever is fine, so i suggest we go to my place and watch a movie. Ok he says.
So, off to my house we go and we arrive at about midnight. We plug in a movie and cuddle up on the couch. After the movie, the cuddle session turned to a make-out session. :D Yeah, fun times! I finally drive him home at about 5:30am, and he says he wants to meet again that night. Sounds good to me!
Ok, time to cut to the chase as i'm realllllllly tired right now. We met up that night, and had a great time again. We met again on Saturday, and i cooked dinner for him and again we had a great time. We went out again last night and wound up at my place once again. And again, i didn't take him home until really really late (early?). I am just amazed! He is really into me and i'm really into him. We are both deeply in "like" with each other haha. Both of us want the same thing...a lasting, long term relationship. Neither of us want to rush into sex just wind up fuck buddies. We both want to go a little slow and really get to know each other first. He is a bit older than the last guy, but still younger than me (he's 27). He is different. We just mesh so well. He feels the same way. It's amazing how well we get along. No awkward moments with him. Everything just feels "right". We are so compatible it's almost scary. It's like we were made for one another and have been destined to meet all along. This guy is special, he is different. This isn't some silly crush. I have been happier the three weeks i have known him than i have been in a long time, maybe ever. We compliment each other and i know he feels the same way about me because he has said so directly. This time, the feeling IS mutual. I am very optimistic about this. It has an entirely different feel to this situation than all the ones before. This feels real. This feels like it may be the start of something beautiful.
^ a slightly blurry view of the Seattle skyline from the Space Needle
Friday, October 30, 2009
Drunk Slide
I love Seattle. Especially during this time of year. The days are getting shorter and the temperature is falling. The sky turns gray, the wind kicks up, the rain starts to fall. I also love the rain. My sleepless nights are less troubling when accompanied by the sound of the rain falling on the roof and the wind whipping the rain drops against my bedroom window. It's about the only time i feel any peace anymore, and eventually i drift off to sleep where my thoughts are turned into dreams. Sometimes those dreams are sad, painful, even terrifying. But most of the time, those dreams are of a life contained only within my mind. When i awake, those dreams almost seem cruel. They offer a brief view of an alternate reality where pure bliss is the norm rather than the exception. A reality where all the love one has to give is met with equal amounts of love given in return. A reality rooted in happiness and joy and being truly content, rather than in strife and misery and pain. And then i wake up. For a moment, the bliss lingers. But it doesn't take long for reality to settle in. It takes every last ounce of strength i have to even pull myself out of bed some days. Some days i don't. Call in sick to work and pull the covers over my head and lay there. Turn off my mobile phone, leave the ringer off on the house phone, computers idle, shut out the world...
As of my last post, i had a date that went seemingly well with "A". I was so excited to see him again! Lucky for me, his trip out of town was canceled and i had a second date with him the tuesday following our first date. This date went even better than the first one did in my opinion. We spent the better part of ten hours together and were never short of anything to say to each other. We had some great conversations, told some funny stories, laughed, had some great times.
This date started much the way the last one did. I picked him up at his apartment (he doesn't have a car at the moment) and we went up to Seattle and had lunch. Some vegetarian Chinese place. It was actually pretty good, despite having no meat in it. The restaurant was close by Capitol Hill so we went and walked around for a while. We wound up stopping at a record store and buying a bunch of cd's and records (yes, the big vinyl ones...i love vinyl). We both love music and share a lot of similar musical interests. After record shopping, we stopped and got some frozen yogurt. We each ordered different things and wound up sharing our dishes of frozen treats. He would feed me a spoonful of his, and i'd feed him a spoonful of mine. Yeah, real cute stuff.
After that, it was off to the mall to catch a movie. We found the theater and finally decided to see Paranormal Activity. I like that kind of stuff, and was hoping to finally see a movie scary enough to make me piss my pants and give me nightmares for a year. We bought our tickets and had about 40 minutes to kill before the movie started. This gave us time to get a snack of pretzels, which were free with the purchase of our movie tickets. We also stopped and bought a soda to share in the movie, since it was about a quarter the price of the soda in the theater. What thrifty little shoppers we are. Anyway, i though the movie was good. It gave me a couple good starts, and was deffo creepy, but didn't leave me scared shitless as i'd hoped it would. "A" on the other hand was totally freaked out by it. I believe his exact word were "how the fuck can you be so calm after that?!". I guess i just don't scare easy.
After the movie, we stopped and bought some cookies to snack on and went back to his place to watch a concert DVD i had bought at the record store. We wound up laying on his bed and watching the concert. When the concert was over, he popped in another movie and we wound up cuddling a bit under the covers (fully clothed of course :P). That was so wonderful to feel the embrace of another human being. I rested my head on his chest, and his arm around me, my arm around him...i could have stayed like that forever. His scent was intoxicating. I can still feel his warmth on my face and hear his heart beat and the sound of his breathing in my ears. At one point, he moved his head towards mine and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. Not some wild, wet make out kiss. But a tender, innocent kiss. A bit later on, i leaned in on him and gave him a little kiss too.
It was too good to last, and after the movie ended, he was getting pretty tired since he worked that morning. It seems that i get a bit awkward when it comes to saying goodbye, especially after such a wonderful day. But awkwardness aside, we hugged and gave each other a mutual kiss goodnight and i was on my way home once again.
Now after that, i was feeling pretty good. Better in fact than i had felt in years. I was glowing. What started as something that was uncertain had turned into a feeling of pure elation. I went into this very open minded, not having any expectations. But it seemed that i was falling for him...hard. He was in my thoughts every moment i was awake and in my dreams. It was incredible. We texted each other on wednesday and thursday. On friday, i sent him a text to tell him how much i enjoyed one of the cd's he recommended to me. While i was in the shower and getting ready for work, he sent a response. "Is it OK if we are just friends?"
Well, FUCK! Instead of texting him back, i decided to just call him. We talked for almost an hour. He insists it is him, that he wouldn't be good in a relationship right now, that he's not ready to settle down just yet. He told me that we have more in common with each other than he has had in common with any other guy he's ever dated. But deep down, i can't help but feel that it was me who drove him away. That i said or did something to set off some sort of alarm in his mind that told him to get out while he still could. Whatever the case might actually be, he obviously doesn't feel anywhere near as strongly for me as i do for him. Once again i find myself feeling quite the fool for having such strong feelings for someone who doesn't return those feelings. For some strange reason, the fact that he doesn't care for me only makes me care even more for him. Seriously...what the FUCK?!
I'm tired and my head hurts...think i'll go lay down for a while...
As of my last post, i had a date that went seemingly well with "A". I was so excited to see him again! Lucky for me, his trip out of town was canceled and i had a second date with him the tuesday following our first date. This date went even better than the first one did in my opinion. We spent the better part of ten hours together and were never short of anything to say to each other. We had some great conversations, told some funny stories, laughed, had some great times.
This date started much the way the last one did. I picked him up at his apartment (he doesn't have a car at the moment) and we went up to Seattle and had lunch. Some vegetarian Chinese place. It was actually pretty good, despite having no meat in it. The restaurant was close by Capitol Hill so we went and walked around for a while. We wound up stopping at a record store and buying a bunch of cd's and records (yes, the big vinyl ones...i love vinyl). We both love music and share a lot of similar musical interests. After record shopping, we stopped and got some frozen yogurt. We each ordered different things and wound up sharing our dishes of frozen treats. He would feed me a spoonful of his, and i'd feed him a spoonful of mine. Yeah, real cute stuff.
After that, it was off to the mall to catch a movie. We found the theater and finally decided to see Paranormal Activity. I like that kind of stuff, and was hoping to finally see a movie scary enough to make me piss my pants and give me nightmares for a year. We bought our tickets and had about 40 minutes to kill before the movie started. This gave us time to get a snack of pretzels, which were free with the purchase of our movie tickets. We also stopped and bought a soda to share in the movie, since it was about a quarter the price of the soda in the theater. What thrifty little shoppers we are. Anyway, i though the movie was good. It gave me a couple good starts, and was deffo creepy, but didn't leave me scared shitless as i'd hoped it would. "A" on the other hand was totally freaked out by it. I believe his exact word were "how the fuck can you be so calm after that?!". I guess i just don't scare easy.
After the movie, we stopped and bought some cookies to snack on and went back to his place to watch a concert DVD i had bought at the record store. We wound up laying on his bed and watching the concert. When the concert was over, he popped in another movie and we wound up cuddling a bit under the covers (fully clothed of course :P). That was so wonderful to feel the embrace of another human being. I rested my head on his chest, and his arm around me, my arm around him...i could have stayed like that forever. His scent was intoxicating. I can still feel his warmth on my face and hear his heart beat and the sound of his breathing in my ears. At one point, he moved his head towards mine and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. Not some wild, wet make out kiss. But a tender, innocent kiss. A bit later on, i leaned in on him and gave him a little kiss too.
It was too good to last, and after the movie ended, he was getting pretty tired since he worked that morning. It seems that i get a bit awkward when it comes to saying goodbye, especially after such a wonderful day. But awkwardness aside, we hugged and gave each other a mutual kiss goodnight and i was on my way home once again.
Now after that, i was feeling pretty good. Better in fact than i had felt in years. I was glowing. What started as something that was uncertain had turned into a feeling of pure elation. I went into this very open minded, not having any expectations. But it seemed that i was falling for him...hard. He was in my thoughts every moment i was awake and in my dreams. It was incredible. We texted each other on wednesday and thursday. On friday, i sent him a text to tell him how much i enjoyed one of the cd's he recommended to me. While i was in the shower and getting ready for work, he sent a response. "Is it OK if we are just friends?"
Well, FUCK! Instead of texting him back, i decided to just call him. We talked for almost an hour. He insists it is him, that he wouldn't be good in a relationship right now, that he's not ready to settle down just yet. He told me that we have more in common with each other than he has had in common with any other guy he's ever dated. But deep down, i can't help but feel that it was me who drove him away. That i said or did something to set off some sort of alarm in his mind that told him to get out while he still could. Whatever the case might actually be, he obviously doesn't feel anywhere near as strongly for me as i do for him. Once again i find myself feeling quite the fool for having such strong feelings for someone who doesn't return those feelings. For some strange reason, the fact that he doesn't care for me only makes me care even more for him. Seriously...what the FUCK?!
I'm tired and my head hurts...think i'll go lay down for a while...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
On the mend.
Well, i'm feeling a bit better today. Still not 100% though. I slept for 14 hours during the day on thursday, got just about as much sleep on friday, and was in bed before 2:00am saturday morning. Yes, thats early for me. I slept until about noon saturday. I got the whole rest thing down to a science. I would have slept longer, but...
I had to be ready to leave the house by about 1:00pm for my sorta kinda date today. I almost cancelled, but was feeling a lot better when i got out of bed today. Plus the guy i was meeting had left a voice mail and a txt to make sure we were still on. Couldn't well disappoint him now could i?
Now, i say sorta kinda date because we met on a less than high quality web site. But after exchanging two dozen emails, he seemed really sweet and pretty much on the up and up. I also say sorta kinda because neither of were really clear on our intentions. Are we meeting for the sole purpose of being friends, or are we meeting to hopefully kindle some sort of relationship? My hope is that it is the latter, and he said he'd see me again (although i've heard that before and it never happened).
I arrived at his apartment about 15 minutes early to pick him up. He worked that morning and was cleaning his place up when i arrived. He gave me a quick tour of his apartment and we were off. I kind of let him make the call as to what he wanted to do and where he wanted to go. Since he had only recently moved to the area from out of state and had never been to downtown Seattle, we went there to find someplace to have lunch. The drive down was pleasant. We seem to share a lot of common interests and ways of thinking. For example, we both have a very low tolerance for stupidity. :D I found that i wasn't having to make any comments about idiot drivers because he was doing it for me! I am really starting to like him. :)
I'm pretty crap at navigating the streets of Seattle, and so was a bit lost as to where exactly to go. But he didn't seem to mind, so it was all good. We finally came across a mall with parking underground (make sure you have good credit before parking there, coz it's fucking EXPENSIVE!). We made our way back to the street and started walking and came across a cute little Italian cafe. The menu looked good, so we went in and had lunch. The conversation over lunch was just as pleasant and intelligent as it was on the drive down. The more time i spent with him, the more i was really starting to hope that this first encounter would turn into something more.
After lunch, we drove up to Capital Hill, gay central for Seattle. We lucked out and found parking on the street and started walking around and talking and looking in shops. I was just enjoying being with him and talking. It was really nice. So, we come across a shop specializing in mens underwear. Only in the gay district. He wants to go in and have a look. I'm more than happy to oblige, because he is extremely cute and watching him pick out undies sent my imagination into overdrive. He picked out a few pairs of really cute undies, and was trying to decide whether he should get another pair or not. He didn't want to get them because he didn't want to spend the money on them. Well, me being the generous guy i am, i offered to pay for the pair he was considering. He seemed a little surprised, but i insisted. I am wondering if maybe i was a bit over the top with that move. Nothing wrong with being generous, but did i over step my bounds? I guess i was trying to impress him by being so aloof about spending money, but i am wondering in hindsight if that might have been the first nail in the coffin.
So, undies shopping complete, we went to yet another mall and did some more shopping. Somehow during our conversation, we got to talking about what we didn't like about our looks. I said i hated my tummy. No matter how much bike riding i do it's still there. And he said that it didn't really matter to him. A good thing i guess. He said his cheeks were too red and he didn't like his very little tummy, that he wanted chiseled abs. I just said i think both of those features are cute on him, and he blushed a bit and dismissed my comment and said he doesn't like them, to which i said "i like you the way you are". He just replied that he's very critical of himself, and i said i am the same way. I guess no matter how cute or attractive someone might be to me, they will have things they don't like about themselves, even if i think those features are part of what makes them attractive. Funny old world. I think i made it pretty clear that i was into him, not just how he looks, but his personality, his sense of humor, his ideals and morals, by some of the comments i made during our conversation. At one point he said he felt bad because it seemed like the day was all about him and not about me. I just said that being in his company was good enough for me, and that i was having a really good time just talking with him and hanging out, regardless if we went where i wanted to go or not. He just laughed, as if i was bullshitting him and i said sincerely, i liked being with him. Am i being a bit to open about my feelings? I don't want him to think i'm weird and drive him away too. I really want a shot at a relationship with him. Another nail in the coffin?
After about two hours of poking around the mall and riding the escalators we were both pretty tired. Him from getting up at 3:00am for work and me from getting over being sick. We then went back to his place and sat on his bed watching a movie for a while. We did more talking than movie watching, and after a while we were both laying on his bed, but not quite cuddling. I could tell he was getting really sleepy, and he did have to work the next day, although not until the afternoon. I asked if he wanted me to leave so he could go to bed, and he said no, so we continued to watch the movie and talk less as he got more tired. I made some comment about cuddling and he said that would put him to sleep for sure. The good news is he wasn't opposed to the idea. But, on a first "date", and with him being so tired i just decided to say goodnight and let him go to sleep. We made some talk as i was getting my shoes on and preparing to leave, and at this time i was feeling pretty self conscious, and a bit nervous because i had asked him if he would like to get together again sometime and wasn't exactly smooth about it. We hugged goodnight, and i was on my way out the door when i realized i had forgot my car key and wallet on his counter top. I tired to make some more talk, but was already feeling stupid from forgetting my wallet and keys and started rambling a bit, digging myself a little hole. I got a bit flustered and awkward. I even said to him that i was a bit shy and awkward and said how embarrassed i was. He said yeah, he could tell i was a bit shy and awkward, and that only made me more shy and awkward and made me blush a bit. Another couple nails in the coffin. We hugged goodnight and i was on my way home.
Bottom line: I am a social retard. Who knows, maybe he found my shy awkwardness cute or maybe he wants a guy who isn't such a self conscious fucking twit. I sent him a txt when i got home, saying that i had a really good time with him, and that i hope i didn't screw up by being too shy and nervous, and that i hope he sleeps well, goodnight! He didn't respond, but i'm sure thats because he's in bed fast asleep. I hope i didn't fuck this up. Not only is he cute (tall, slender build, dark hair and blue eyes...that eye/hair color combo is so cute!!), but he is an amazing person. He is super sweet, kind hearted, funny, intelligent, hard working, and on and on and on. Ugh...why am i such a retard?!
One last thought...during the course of our conversation, he told me what his favorite movie was. But when we got to his apartment and we were trying to decide what movie to watch, it turns out he doesn't have it on DVD. Would it be over the top if i bought it and gave it to him as a gift the next time we met? I guess only time will tell if i've screwed the pooch once again or if he will forgive my shy, nervous, awkwardness and give me another chance.
I had to be ready to leave the house by about 1:00pm for my sorta kinda date today. I almost cancelled, but was feeling a lot better when i got out of bed today. Plus the guy i was meeting had left a voice mail and a txt to make sure we were still on. Couldn't well disappoint him now could i?
Now, i say sorta kinda date because we met on a less than high quality web site. But after exchanging two dozen emails, he seemed really sweet and pretty much on the up and up. I also say sorta kinda because neither of were really clear on our intentions. Are we meeting for the sole purpose of being friends, or are we meeting to hopefully kindle some sort of relationship? My hope is that it is the latter, and he said he'd see me again (although i've heard that before and it never happened).
I arrived at his apartment about 15 minutes early to pick him up. He worked that morning and was cleaning his place up when i arrived. He gave me a quick tour of his apartment and we were off. I kind of let him make the call as to what he wanted to do and where he wanted to go. Since he had only recently moved to the area from out of state and had never been to downtown Seattle, we went there to find someplace to have lunch. The drive down was pleasant. We seem to share a lot of common interests and ways of thinking. For example, we both have a very low tolerance for stupidity. :D I found that i wasn't having to make any comments about idiot drivers because he was doing it for me! I am really starting to like him. :)
I'm pretty crap at navigating the streets of Seattle, and so was a bit lost as to where exactly to go. But he didn't seem to mind, so it was all good. We finally came across a mall with parking underground (make sure you have good credit before parking there, coz it's fucking EXPENSIVE!). We made our way back to the street and started walking and came across a cute little Italian cafe. The menu looked good, so we went in and had lunch. The conversation over lunch was just as pleasant and intelligent as it was on the drive down. The more time i spent with him, the more i was really starting to hope that this first encounter would turn into something more.
After lunch, we drove up to Capital Hill, gay central for Seattle. We lucked out and found parking on the street and started walking around and talking and looking in shops. I was just enjoying being with him and talking. It was really nice. So, we come across a shop specializing in mens underwear. Only in the gay district. He wants to go in and have a look. I'm more than happy to oblige, because he is extremely cute and watching him pick out undies sent my imagination into overdrive. He picked out a few pairs of really cute undies, and was trying to decide whether he should get another pair or not. He didn't want to get them because he didn't want to spend the money on them. Well, me being the generous guy i am, i offered to pay for the pair he was considering. He seemed a little surprised, but i insisted. I am wondering if maybe i was a bit over the top with that move. Nothing wrong with being generous, but did i over step my bounds? I guess i was trying to impress him by being so aloof about spending money, but i am wondering in hindsight if that might have been the first nail in the coffin.
So, undies shopping complete, we went to yet another mall and did some more shopping. Somehow during our conversation, we got to talking about what we didn't like about our looks. I said i hated my tummy. No matter how much bike riding i do it's still there. And he said that it didn't really matter to him. A good thing i guess. He said his cheeks were too red and he didn't like his very little tummy, that he wanted chiseled abs. I just said i think both of those features are cute on him, and he blushed a bit and dismissed my comment and said he doesn't like them, to which i said "i like you the way you are". He just replied that he's very critical of himself, and i said i am the same way. I guess no matter how cute or attractive someone might be to me, they will have things they don't like about themselves, even if i think those features are part of what makes them attractive. Funny old world. I think i made it pretty clear that i was into him, not just how he looks, but his personality, his sense of humor, his ideals and morals, by some of the comments i made during our conversation. At one point he said he felt bad because it seemed like the day was all about him and not about me. I just said that being in his company was good enough for me, and that i was having a really good time just talking with him and hanging out, regardless if we went where i wanted to go or not. He just laughed, as if i was bullshitting him and i said sincerely, i liked being with him. Am i being a bit to open about my feelings? I don't want him to think i'm weird and drive him away too. I really want a shot at a relationship with him. Another nail in the coffin?
After about two hours of poking around the mall and riding the escalators we were both pretty tired. Him from getting up at 3:00am for work and me from getting over being sick. We then went back to his place and sat on his bed watching a movie for a while. We did more talking than movie watching, and after a while we were both laying on his bed, but not quite cuddling. I could tell he was getting really sleepy, and he did have to work the next day, although not until the afternoon. I asked if he wanted me to leave so he could go to bed, and he said no, so we continued to watch the movie and talk less as he got more tired. I made some comment about cuddling and he said that would put him to sleep for sure. The good news is he wasn't opposed to the idea. But, on a first "date", and with him being so tired i just decided to say goodnight and let him go to sleep. We made some talk as i was getting my shoes on and preparing to leave, and at this time i was feeling pretty self conscious, and a bit nervous because i had asked him if he would like to get together again sometime and wasn't exactly smooth about it. We hugged goodnight, and i was on my way out the door when i realized i had forgot my car key and wallet on his counter top. I tired to make some more talk, but was already feeling stupid from forgetting my wallet and keys and started rambling a bit, digging myself a little hole. I got a bit flustered and awkward. I even said to him that i was a bit shy and awkward and said how embarrassed i was. He said yeah, he could tell i was a bit shy and awkward, and that only made me more shy and awkward and made me blush a bit. Another couple nails in the coffin. We hugged goodnight and i was on my way home.
Bottom line: I am a social retard. Who knows, maybe he found my shy awkwardness cute or maybe he wants a guy who isn't such a self conscious fucking twit. I sent him a txt when i got home, saying that i had a really good time with him, and that i hope i didn't screw up by being too shy and nervous, and that i hope he sleeps well, goodnight! He didn't respond, but i'm sure thats because he's in bed fast asleep. I hope i didn't fuck this up. Not only is he cute (tall, slender build, dark hair and blue eyes...that eye/hair color combo is so cute!!), but he is an amazing person. He is super sweet, kind hearted, funny, intelligent, hard working, and on and on and on. Ugh...why am i such a retard?!
One last thought...during the course of our conversation, he told me what his favorite movie was. But when we got to his apartment and we were trying to decide what movie to watch, it turns out he doesn't have it on DVD. Would it be over the top if i bought it and gave it to him as a gift the next time we met? I guess only time will tell if i've screwed the pooch once again or if he will forgive my shy, nervous, awkwardness and give me another chance.
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