Friday, March 19, 2010

Oh yeah...

I almost forgot. March 15th marked one year I have been writing this little blog. Woot. And today (March 19th) is the one year mark for my coming out. It was one year ago today that I first came out to someone I knew personally in real life. I've come pretty far in a year. I'd write more, but I'm writing this on my iPod touch and I'm tired and not too many people will read it anyway lol. Cheers!

Thursday, March 18, 2010


What a week. I have been so swamped with work and other obligations that i have not had much time to even let my brain rest. As i write this, i have a splitting headache. It feels as though there is a black hole at the center of my head trying to consume my very being. Everything is starting to bloom and bud in my part of the world, so seasonal allergies are driving me fucking bonkers at the moment as well.

At any rate, i am in a state of upheaval right now. As many of you who i have talked to on MSN know, my work schedule has been rather hectic. I was working days, evenings and overnight shifts all within the cozy confines of a single work week. Week, after week, after week. Three years worth of weeks in fact. And my days off (Tuesday and Wednesday) sucked. At least i thought they did. Now i'm not so sure. So, after 3 years of shit hours and days off, i finally have enough seniority to get "normal" days off. For the first time in my career, i have weekends off. Normal, Saturday and Sunday weekends. Now, the only reason i bid that schedule is to spend more time with "E". I find the obscene amount of small minded and otherwise mentally challenged people who roam the streets free on the weekend to be very annoying and tedious. Having to battle crowds at Costco or the mall or even the goddamn woods to go for a hike for fuck sake drives me bat shit crazy. But, E is a full time student and is in class and studying and writing papers during the week. And while he was staying over at my house four nights a week, we never really got to go out or even spend more than an hour or two watching a movie or tv together. And when he had days off (Sat. and Sun.), i was at work. It sucked. I went to work Sundays with less than an hour of sleep for more than four months. In my line of work, being alert and having a functioning brain is a good thing. Needless to say, my performance was less than stellar on Sundays, as i rarely got more than a few hours of sleep the preceding nights. But no one died, so it's all good. So, when i had the opportunity to bid weekends off, i took it.

Now, there is a catch. I work all evenings, usually from 3pm until 11pm. Not too bad, because i am NOT a morning person (in fact, i find people who are chipper and cheerful in the early am hours to be highly offensive individuals). So, being able to sleep in all week long is great. But, i can't spend any time with E during the week. So, we now have Friday nights from the time i get off until sunday morning together. This means we can go out and do normal things on Saturday like a normal couple and even go out Friday night if we so choose. But, since he has a fairly old fashioned family and has Sunday dinner with them, that leaves me high and dry most of Sunday (they don't approve of his "choice" of lifestyle, and aren't too crazy about the idea of me, or any other man for that matter, being with their son). So that leaves me squarely out of the family picture.

So now instead of having E four nights a week and spending a little time together, i only have him two nights a week. I do have him all day saturday, but the weekend is sort of fucked because of his family obligations on sunday. In short, i was perfectly happy with my shitty hours and shitty days off. I took days off i'm not entirely thrilled with in order to be able to spend more time with the man i love. Now it would seem that my plan is backfiring on me. Not only do i see him two fewer nights a week, but i have to go 5 whole days without seeing him. It sucks. I miss him.

OK, i guess i shouldn't whine too much because i DO have him. I love him, and he loves me. But being without him from Sunday afternoon thru Friday night is shitty. I have work to distract me, but work is a pain in my ass and the only reason i continue going is because it pays so well. I find myself just wanting to cuddle up with him and be close to him after a long day of work. But all i have is an empty house to come home to. Well, it's not completely empty. There is plenty of wine, scotch, rum, vodka and mixers. Drinking (heavily) is a fairly expensive hobby. All of my hobbies are rather expensive come to think of it. Flying airplanes, cars, guitars, photography...

But i digress. My point is i fucked up. I should have kept my fucked up schedule. This would have been better come summer when he is out of school, as we would have had almost 3 whole days together during the week. Now all i have is one lousy day. Ugh. Seriously, UGH!!! I really do believe i was meant to be royalty or some trust fund baby who never has to work or lift a finger. I'm not cut out for work. It interferes with life and actually living way too much. I want to quit my job, move someplace tropical with my man, tend bar and smoke pot (if it weren't for random drug tests and the risk of losing my job, i would be smoking pot now and i wouldn't be so fucking stressed out all the time). No stress, no worries, no bullshit. Modern life is way to fucking complicated and messy.

On a brighter note, i have next week off and will be on vacation with E for most of it. We are hitting the Oregon Coast for some rest, relaxation, and hiking! I can't wait. My fucking head might explode if i don't get the fuck out of town for a while. We went to the coast just before Christmas last year and loved it so much that we are going back again for almost a whole week instead of just a couple of days. While i have felt very strongly for him and have had the seeds of love sown from the very beginning of our relationship, it was in Cannon Beach that i really fell 100% head over heels in love with E. I can't wait to go back. If you're good boys and girls, maybe i'll post a few pics from the trip here.

I have a brand new Nikon Nikkor VR II 18-200mm lens to try out on my Nikon D90 on this trip. It was such a pain in the ass having to switch lenses last time (my old lenses were 18-55mm and 55-200mm). Now those two lenses are in one lens with overall better optics, better vibration reduction, and i have finally bought some quality filters (had cheapo filter on my old lenses since i have been planning on replacing them with the new 18-200 for a while). I am quite the shutter bug, although i am still a fairly shitty photographer. I do love taking pictures though.

I am happy to see some sunshine and warmer temperatures recently. It means i can take my S5 out of the garage and drive it finally. I havn't had it out in the rain yet, and don't plan on it. I guess it's kind of a toy for me as opposed to being just a mode of transportation, although it certainly is that as well. But, i had it out today for the commute to work and made great time as i was doing 120 mph on the freeway interchange ramp. I was taking it a bit easy, as the break-in period isn't yet over. Legal? No. Fun? Hell yeah!

I'll close this post with a song. I haven't done one of these in a while. The video isn't the greatest, but the song is amazing. This is a track from The Mars Volta's "De-loused in the Comatorium" album. If you've never heard of The Mars Volta, well, you should give them a listen. They are fucking brilliant! Omar Rodriguez-Lopez (the mastermind of The Mars Volta) is one of those rare musical geniuses who creates music that is so full of intelligence and depth that it's beyond the taste of the lazy listeners of today. Do yourself a favor and spend five minutes listening to this song and expand your musical horizons. If you already know and love The Mars Volta, god for you! You win absolutely nothing at all!!! If, however, you don't enjoy this song, please check your pulse as you may in fact be dead.