Thursday, September 24, 2009
Disappointment
My last post made mention of the cute guy I'd met at the concert and how we'd been texting quite a bit and having some good conversations. Well, it's been almost a week since I've heard from him. The last time I heard anything from him was last Friday. So much for even being friends, let alone the possibility of something more. But, it's par for the course. I meet someone, have some great conversations, get excited about all the possibilities and then somehow manage to drive them away. So, now I'm back to having not even the small joy of talking to someone who at least opened the door of possibility to a relationship deeper than mere friendship. Funny how fragile hope really is...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
D:
You've still got us. :D
Meh.
:(
Sorry it seems to be turning out this way.
What's disappointing is that it seemed the attraction was mutual. What may have happened is that at some point he realized how frequent the messaging was and decided it was a bit over the top or even got scared that maybe you were hitting on him, or who knows.
For now, I would let him be. Above all, don't send messages asking what's wrong or assuring him that the relationship will be on his terms. In other words, don't pursue him because when you pursue someone who is distancing himself, he just distances himself more. Let him be comfortable and unpressured (and don't tell him there's no pressure — that feels like pressure).
Let at least another month go by, and if he hasn't got in touch with you by then, send a little message along the lines of "Hey, how's it going?" If he answers, great. You can reply in a couple of days. Don't let it get as frequent as it was before. If he doesn't answer, don't follow up. Accept that it's probably over. But you could send him Christmas/New Year greetings to give him one last chance.
That's my take, FWIW.
See this is the kind of stuff that makes me just not even try to reach out to begin with-- to save myself the 'let down'. But this is spurious, because there is some chance, greater than zero, that things will work out (in my case, probably very close to zero, but greater than, none the less). So by convincing myself to not even try just for the faux reason of 'saving myself the rejection' then I am certainly cutting off any possibility of remedy.
So that's that (a useless tautology).
I can recognize this, but doesn't make it any easier to actually do... I applaud your attempts!
Steve
*hugs*
Keep your head up. Always another chance.
Sorry if I have previously commented as follows. Also I don't mean to reflect on you at all, only on your lack of info. The difficult stuff you have got, all you need is the easy part.
For one thing, you drive them away by getting excited about all the possibilities. Your life should not be about "meeting someone and finding happiness", as nobody wants to help you construct that. They will only want to know you if you already have joy, dependant on nothing. You need to overcome your learned sense of self and have some higher cause - not music, cars or hiking if they mainly benefit yourself. Ask, what could those topics mean for humanity, other than triggering your own emotions? Be interested in advancing others and forget yourself. To be a consumer is to be a fullstop, an end. Become a pro supplier instead, if only of attention.
Then others can join you without becoming finite observed objects, because you can both look out on infinity from the same vantage point. Imagine a guy sits fishing all day. If someone joined him for an hour, no harm, he still has the rest of the day to be solitary. And no pressure, they both look out on the water. He might fish often, so one could join him again. Another one - what if your mountain suddenly let rip, causing also a big earthquake. You might then forget your car, job, loneliness, even hunger, and just run around helping people. Well they are in more trouble now than they would be then - the cuties too.
Be personally available for them, but never be personal, or you will suffer. Fact is you are infinite, and to be personal is to be limited. Identify with All That Is. Let yourself and everything around you be open doors to the infinite, with you never the end receiver of anything. Forget about what "small joy" you may "have". Take the whole universe as your property and responsibility. Not as an outer way of life, but as an attitude, a way of behaving in the world - like Walt Whitman did. Once you see this you can easily do it. Only when you create your own joy can you be trusted. Consumers are always dangerous and in danger.
There is a science (physics) about your par for the course, brilliantly explained in the book Hands of Light by Barbara Brennan, a qualified physicist who worked for NASA. In my relative poverty I have today ordered 5 more to hand out over here. You should read all of that book, for its background info. Nothing wrong with you at all, only with your science. At least admit there seems to be something major you miss, and be curious about it. Please don't give up hope when you have everything in place. Your mistakes are awkward, doing the successful stuff will feel natural. All you still need is plain info, on physics.
Post a Comment