I'm finally out to my mom. I set up a dinner date with her, saying i wanted to take her to dinner in return for her house sitting for me while i was on holiday. Also, i needed to install a new lock set on the front door of her apartment. So, i went over and put in the new locks, and told her i had something to talk to her about and that she may want to sit down. Of course, she doesn't sit down. She just says "what is it?". "Do you want to know why i've been so unhappy and miserable most of my life?" i ask. "What is it?" she says again. So, i tell her. She gives me a long blank stare..."is that it?". Really? What do you mean is that it? "My God, i thought you were going to tell me you had cancer or were dying or something". So i tell her how lonely i've been and still am, how much regret i carry over what i've missed out on, how hard it was to carry that secret, how scared i was of someone finding out. We talked, i cried. She seems to have taken it really well.
So, now all the most important people in my life know i'm gay. All of them still love me, and are there for me and only want me to be happy.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Calling in sick.
So, it's 2:15am and i've just called in sick to work for my shift (later) this morning. I just can't seem to think clearly. I've got way too much on my mind. I can't sleep. The Venture Brothers was on a while ago. It was an episode i've seen ten times already, but i still found it funny. Robot Chicken isn't nearly as funny as it used to be. And what the hell ever happened to Celebrity Deathmatch? This post has become way too random and my head hurts. I think about way too much way too often. I wish my brain had an off switch.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Pics and an update
Last week i came out to four more people. All of them, like all the ones i told before them, were 100% accepting and supportive. One of my friends at work said "well that explains the hair" when i told him. lol. I was actually a bit worried about telling him because he would tease another co-worker about being gay (even though he isn't). I gave it some thought, and came to the realisation he makes fun of everyone, so we are all targets of opportunity for his jokes, including himself. So in the end, it turned out ok, and he still came over for dinner on Monday as we had planned before i told him.
Sunday morning at 4:45am as i was backing out of the garage and leaving for work, i pushed the button to close the garage door, watched it close as i always do to makes sure it goes all the way down, and was a little surprised to see it stop 3/4 of the way down and then go back up. WTF?! OK, something fell in front of the sensor. Get out of the car, go check it out. Nope, sensors are clear. Fuck. Fart around with it for 15 minutes and i can get it to open and close with the manual motor advance button on the garage door opener itself, but not with the controls. So, find my tools to re-atach the manual latches so i can lock the door while i'm away and head for work (now late...whoo-hoo). When i get home, i decide to try to figure it out even though i should be in bed because i need to be back to work in six and a half hours. Well, short story long, I took the thing apart and was checking for loose electrical connections (i found one before when it was acting up and re-soldered the joint and it's worked fine until now) when i found the power transformer and accidentally shorted it out. ZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPP!!!! One brilliant shower of sparks later, my electrical tester is welded to the circuit board and the garage door opener is dead for sure...lol. Oops...
Yesterday, i went to Mt. Rainier for a little biking/hiking. The bike ride portion was five miles up hill from the park entrance to the trail head, and then back down later (which was a flippin' blast!). The hike was eight miles round trip up to the terminus of Carbon Glacier, the lowest glacier on Mt. Rainier. I didn't bring sunscreen, so i'm a bit crispy today. Well, enjoy the pics!
^ Park entrance.
^ My chariot! lolz
^ Mt. Rainier.
^ Mt. Rainier and the Carbon River.
^ Small waterfalls on the trail.
^ Suspension bridge across the Carbon River
^ View of the Carbon River and Glacier from the bridge.
^ Carbon River valley looking downstream from the head waters.
^ Carbon Glacier and the headwaters of the Carbon River with Mt. Rainier in the background.
Sunday morning at 4:45am as i was backing out of the garage and leaving for work, i pushed the button to close the garage door, watched it close as i always do to makes sure it goes all the way down, and was a little surprised to see it stop 3/4 of the way down and then go back up. WTF?! OK, something fell in front of the sensor. Get out of the car, go check it out. Nope, sensors are clear. Fuck. Fart around with it for 15 minutes and i can get it to open and close with the manual motor advance button on the garage door opener itself, but not with the controls. So, find my tools to re-atach the manual latches so i can lock the door while i'm away and head for work (now late...whoo-hoo). When i get home, i decide to try to figure it out even though i should be in bed because i need to be back to work in six and a half hours. Well, short story long, I took the thing apart and was checking for loose electrical connections (i found one before when it was acting up and re-soldered the joint and it's worked fine until now) when i found the power transformer and accidentally shorted it out. ZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPP!!!! One brilliant shower of sparks later, my electrical tester is welded to the circuit board and the garage door opener is dead for sure...lol. Oops...
Yesterday, i went to Mt. Rainier for a little biking/hiking. The bike ride portion was five miles up hill from the park entrance to the trail head, and then back down later (which was a flippin' blast!). The hike was eight miles round trip up to the terminus of Carbon Glacier, the lowest glacier on Mt. Rainier. I didn't bring sunscreen, so i'm a bit crispy today. Well, enjoy the pics!
^ Park entrance.
^ My chariot! lolz
^ Mt. Rainier.
^ Mt. Rainier and the Carbon River.
^ Small waterfalls on the trail.
^ Suspension bridge across the Carbon River
^ View of the Carbon River and Glacier from the bridge.
^ Carbon River valley looking downstream from the head waters.
^ Carbon Glacier and the headwaters of the Carbon River with Mt. Rainier in the background.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
"You stole the fizzy lifting drinks!!!!"
I have always been a fan of Willy Wonka. I especially liked "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" with Johnny Depp (great actor, and easy on the eyes as well). I thought his portrayal of Wonka was a bit more edgy and dark than that of Gene Wilder in the original film. That said, Christopher Lloyd (also an amazing actor) takes it one step further here...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tag, i'm it...Where i blog from.
Both Steve and Jeremy have tagged me! This little blogging game was the idea of Tyler at Thoughts of a Gay Boy in Highschool. The rules can be found here.
Above is my upstairs office. As you can see, i am a fan of organized chaos. It looks like a fucking mess (and its is), but it's a mess that has structure...lol. If i were to "clean", i wouldn't be able to find anything at all and would spend a lot of time coming up with new swear words. I hate my desk, and desperately want to re-decorate my office.
Here is where i spend most of my free time when i'm at home...on my couch in my living room. That's my cheapo laptop (it's hard drive is FULL of porn...lol). My most prized possessions are in this room...my stereo system (and related components) and my CD and record collection. I usually have my stereo cranked up when i'm online blogging or chatting on MSN and the TV is tuned in to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim (i watch it on mute and read the closed captions). Multi-tasking is fun...
Lets not forget my handy dandy iPhone. I use this to blog from work (when i'm on break, of course). It's also very useful for reading blogs and checking emails, and last but not least, browsing cute boy pics on the go. :p
So there ya go. A little peek into the world of Deadwing. Now...who to tag... I'm sure by this point, there will be some people who have been tagged already. So, forgive me if you've been tagged already.
Tag, you're it...
-Jonathan: Gentleman's Romance
-Matt: I've Got Rythym and It ain't always music.
-x! : Dawn to Dusk
-Steevo: steevo in cali
-James: Just Me
Above is my upstairs office. As you can see, i am a fan of organized chaos. It looks like a fucking mess (and its is), but it's a mess that has structure...lol. If i were to "clean", i wouldn't be able to find anything at all and would spend a lot of time coming up with new swear words. I hate my desk, and desperately want to re-decorate my office.
Here is where i spend most of my free time when i'm at home...on my couch in my living room. That's my cheapo laptop (it's hard drive is FULL of porn...lol). My most prized possessions are in this room...my stereo system (and related components) and my CD and record collection. I usually have my stereo cranked up when i'm online blogging or chatting on MSN and the TV is tuned in to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim (i watch it on mute and read the closed captions). Multi-tasking is fun...
Lets not forget my handy dandy iPhone. I use this to blog from work (when i'm on break, of course). It's also very useful for reading blogs and checking emails, and last but not least, browsing cute boy pics on the go. :p
So there ya go. A little peek into the world of Deadwing. Now...who to tag... I'm sure by this point, there will be some people who have been tagged already. So, forgive me if you've been tagged already.
Tag, you're it...
-Jonathan: Gentleman's Romance
-Matt: I've Got Rythym and It ain't always music.
-x! : Dawn to Dusk
-Steevo: steevo in cali
-James: Just Me
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Really? Why?
I don't know why, but I have been listening to a lot of electronic/trance/dance music lately. I finally renewed my subscription to Sirius satellite radio, and have had one of their three electronic/dance channels tuned in continuously. Tiesto is my favorite at the moment, and I have been buying his and others cd's like they are going out of style. The production is superb. The beats are infectious. Too bad I can't fucking dance.
When my sister called me yesterday to tell me she's coming for a visit next month and has tickets for both a baseball game and a concert and wanted to know if I'm interested in going with her to those events, she had no idea what I was about to hit her with. After we talked for about 15 minutes, I told her I had something I wanted to talk to her about. Something that needed to be kept secret. I made her promise to keep quiet until I said it was ok to talk and she said "are you going to tell me you're gay?". Bingo. "Really? Why?" Needless to say, she was a bit shocked. We talked for a while longer, and I told her everything. She is like everyone else I've told so far...100% accepting and supportive. She also seems to think that things will go better with my mom than I expect they will. But, I'm still nervous about telling her. The time to talk to my mom is rapidly approaching however.
One of my friends at work actually approached me yesterday and asked if I had something I wanted to tell him. Well, as a matter of fact I do. He was literally next on my list if people to tell and he heard the rumors from someone who has been retired for almost a year. What the fuck?! Goddamn rumor mill! So, I told him and we talked and once again, people are surprising me by how accepting and supportive they are. It turns out his sister is gay. I am out to my entire crew now and more people are finding out everyday. But, still no one seems to be able or willing to hit the town with me or help me network.
Ok, I need to get back to work. Anyone know where I can find a boyfriend? Now accepting applications...apply within...lol
When my sister called me yesterday to tell me she's coming for a visit next month and has tickets for both a baseball game and a concert and wanted to know if I'm interested in going with her to those events, she had no idea what I was about to hit her with. After we talked for about 15 minutes, I told her I had something I wanted to talk to her about. Something that needed to be kept secret. I made her promise to keep quiet until I said it was ok to talk and she said "are you going to tell me you're gay?". Bingo. "Really? Why?" Needless to say, she was a bit shocked. We talked for a while longer, and I told her everything. She is like everyone else I've told so far...100% accepting and supportive. She also seems to think that things will go better with my mom than I expect they will. But, I'm still nervous about telling her. The time to talk to my mom is rapidly approaching however.
One of my friends at work actually approached me yesterday and asked if I had something I wanted to tell him. Well, as a matter of fact I do. He was literally next on my list if people to tell and he heard the rumors from someone who has been retired for almost a year. What the fuck?! Goddamn rumor mill! So, I told him and we talked and once again, people are surprising me by how accepting and supportive they are. It turns out his sister is gay. I am out to my entire crew now and more people are finding out everyday. But, still no one seems to be able or willing to hit the town with me or help me network.
Ok, I need to get back to work. Anyone know where I can find a boyfriend? Now accepting applications...apply within...lol
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