Yes, a spoiled little bitch. I've become one of "those" people somehow. It's difficult to say how the transformation occurred or when, but it did. When i was really young, life was pretty good. My parents hadn't yet divorced, my dad owned a successful business, we lived in an upper-middle class neighborhood, etc. We didn't live extravagantly as my dad was (and still is for that matter) something of a tight wad. But we didn't want for anything either.
Then things went to Hell on a rocket powered sled. My parents got divorced, we were in a nasty car wreck that got blamed on my mother (who was NOT at fault) and moved from a big house to a tiny apartment, from nice car to shitty car to the fucking bus, and from eating delicious meals to instant noodles and mac and cheese. Nothing like being moments away from homelessness to bring a smile to ones face. My paper route money went to feeding my family and paying household bills at the age of 12. Add in the stresses of figuring out that i'm gay and having to keep that bottled up for a couple decades and it's no wonder i drifted into a depression that i never really got out of. Yes, i'm still suffering from depression and subjecting my poor, loving partner to a slice of Hell on earth now and then. Well, quite a bit actually. Why he hasn't left me i'll never know.
But i digress. My point is i am now a spoiled little shit despite all the crap i've been through in my life. I live in a nice house in a snotty, uptight suburban neighborhood (that i hate by the way, and can't wait to leave for an upper crust neighborhood in a historic district in the city), i have not one, but two German luxury cars, and take vacations to places like Maui on a whim. I'm not meaning to brag. Quite the opposite. I have become one of the assholes that i once loathed.
It's got to the point that i refuse to fly coach. I will only fly first class domestically, and at the very least business class on overseas international flights. Even for work. The cheap fuckers only provide for coach airfare. So, i actually pay out of pocket to upgrade to first class each and every flight i have to take for work. The free-flowing liquor and extra ball room in the seat are well worth it however.
I have a need to go and buy a new car. A better car than what i have already. One with more features and more power and more prestige and more look-at-me factor. And this is despite the fact that the car i have is not only in perfect working order (and still under lease for anther 18 months), but a very nice car that most people would love to have.
But you know what? I don't think i could live any other way. I love spending money and having the absolute best of everything. I'm headed to Cabo San Lucas in a few weeks, first class. And to Maui in a couple months, first class. Despite the fact i hate what i've become, i can't seem to live any other way.
Even though i want for nothing and have more than i need, i start to foam at the mouth when i hear about how my hard earned tax dollars are being spent on social programs. Sure, some people are genuinely unfortunate and need assistance to get back on their feet. But far too many abuse the system. Assistance designed to be temporary and help people who are less fortunate get back on their feet becomes a way of life and these lazy assholes suck the system, and my wallet, dry. What's mine is mine and if you want what i have, get off your lazy fucking ass and work for it.
Maybe it's because i had so little for so long and was so poor most of my life that i'm so possessive of what i work so hard for. Or maybe i'm just an asshole who no longer possesses any sense of compassion.
I have no idea how this post has (d)evolved to what it is. And maybe it doesn't matter. This probably makes me sound well prickish. But it's not that i don't care, i just don't give a fuck.
I think perhaps its time to refresh my beverage and have some dinner before i go to bed and rest for another brutal day at work tomorrow.
Goodnight, blogland.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Blogiversary Part II
Well, it looks like the two year anniversary of my little blog passed unnoticed by even me. March 15th marked two years that this blog has been around. There have been a lot of changes in the blogosphere and the world at large in that time frame. The two year anniversary of me being a proud, openly gay man passed on March 20th. Fast forward to today, and i have a wonderful partner that i love very much and a happy home life that was just a dream a few years ago.
I have a good life, and i couldn't have the life i have without the help and love of people that i have never met in real life. All the friends i made by blogging and being a part of our little online community really made the worst of it easier to bear. People like James who was always there to hear me bitch about something and try to help me through it. And Steevo, who not only was there to lend an ear but who encouraged me to go to my first PFLAG meeting and was a constant source of encouragement and provider of resources. Also included are all the people who read my blog, commented on my blog, chatted with me on MSN.
But the one who really started me on my path to where i am today was Mirrorboy. He was the first person i ever told that i was gay, the one who always had a kind word for me when i was feeling down no matter how down he was himself, the most selfless and caring friend anyone would ever want to have online or in real life. So Mirrorboy, here's to you mate. Thanks for always being there for me buddy. I miss chatting with you immensely. Even though we haven't spoken in ages, i still think of you often. I love you buddy, and where ever you are and whatever you might be doing i hope you are happy and healthy and on the path to life good life you deserve.
I have a good life, and i couldn't have the life i have without the help and love of people that i have never met in real life. All the friends i made by blogging and being a part of our little online community really made the worst of it easier to bear. People like James who was always there to hear me bitch about something and try to help me through it. And Steevo, who not only was there to lend an ear but who encouraged me to go to my first PFLAG meeting and was a constant source of encouragement and provider of resources. Also included are all the people who read my blog, commented on my blog, chatted with me on MSN.
But the one who really started me on my path to where i am today was Mirrorboy. He was the first person i ever told that i was gay, the one who always had a kind word for me when i was feeling down no matter how down he was himself, the most selfless and caring friend anyone would ever want to have online or in real life. So Mirrorboy, here's to you mate. Thanks for always being there for me buddy. I miss chatting with you immensely. Even though we haven't spoken in ages, i still think of you often. I love you buddy, and where ever you are and whatever you might be doing i hope you are happy and healthy and on the path to life good life you deserve.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Where did we lose our way?
It was on this day, March 2, way back in 1969 that the most iconic airliner of all time, Concorde, made it's first flight. It is the only aircraft to ever enter regularly scheduled supersonic passenger service, and will likely be the only aircraft to do so. Concorde has it's origins in the late 1950's (!!!) and was under construction as a prototype in the mid 1960's. The SR-71 Blackbird also has it's roots in the 50's and was flying at three and a half times the speed of sound in the early 60's. In July of 1969, NASA landed a man on the moon using a spacecraft that had less computing power than the most basic mobile phones of today, not to mention my iphone.
So why is it that with all our technological advancements we haven't been back to the moon since 1972? Have humans lost all ambition? Sure part of the problem is money. It takes a great deal of cash to get to the moon. But when one looks at all the money governments piss away of utter bullshit, i can't help but think that we as humans would be much farther along in our exploration of space. I mean, who hasn't looked up at the stars and wondered what exactly is out there in the great vastness of space? And if we could get to the moon in 1969, given the rate of advancement of technology, we should be well on our way to developing some means of traveling faster than light and actually exploring whats out there.
But lets go back a step. How is it that in 1969 there was an airliner capable of sustained supersonic flight and today the best we can do is subsonic. Part of it is money again. But there are plenty who are willing to shell out for a flight across the atlantic at more than twice the speed of sound (myself included). But the other part is all the tree huggers and goddamn hippies. "Hey man, you can't fly that thing here, you're ruining my vibe man". All the sniveling whiners complain about the noise. Well, the Concorde didn't go supersonic until it was out over the ocean, so unless your house is in the middle of the Atlantic, shut the fuck up. And fuel consumption/pollution is the other part. Well, unless you don't drive a car and live in the fucking woods without electricity, you're contributing just as much to pollution and energy consumption as anyone, so shut the fuck up.
We have gone from this:
To this:
From a sleek, sexy, fast beauty to a fat, ugly bloated flying goddamn bus. What the fuck?
Such a shame that in this day and age one can't fly supersonic. Now that i have the means to do so, all i can hope is that someday we will find our way once again and we will take a step forward in our advancement instead of a step back.
So why is it that with all our technological advancements we haven't been back to the moon since 1972? Have humans lost all ambition? Sure part of the problem is money. It takes a great deal of cash to get to the moon. But when one looks at all the money governments piss away of utter bullshit, i can't help but think that we as humans would be much farther along in our exploration of space. I mean, who hasn't looked up at the stars and wondered what exactly is out there in the great vastness of space? And if we could get to the moon in 1969, given the rate of advancement of technology, we should be well on our way to developing some means of traveling faster than light and actually exploring whats out there.
But lets go back a step. How is it that in 1969 there was an airliner capable of sustained supersonic flight and today the best we can do is subsonic. Part of it is money again. But there are plenty who are willing to shell out for a flight across the atlantic at more than twice the speed of sound (myself included). But the other part is all the tree huggers and goddamn hippies. "Hey man, you can't fly that thing here, you're ruining my vibe man". All the sniveling whiners complain about the noise. Well, the Concorde didn't go supersonic until it was out over the ocean, so unless your house is in the middle of the Atlantic, shut the fuck up. And fuel consumption/pollution is the other part. Well, unless you don't drive a car and live in the fucking woods without electricity, you're contributing just as much to pollution and energy consumption as anyone, so shut the fuck up.
We have gone from this:
To this:
From a sleek, sexy, fast beauty to a fat, ugly bloated flying goddamn bus. What the fuck?
Such a shame that in this day and age one can't fly supersonic. Now that i have the means to do so, all i can hope is that someday we will find our way once again and we will take a step forward in our advancement instead of a step back.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Oh how i wish i were on Maui...
Yes, this makes two posts in just a few hours. I had meant to put these pics on my previous post detailing my big news, but it took on a life of its own. Anyway, it's cold, windy and raining outside. I like the moody weather the Pacific Northwest offers up for the winter months. But after my trip to Maui last September, i was bit by the tropical paradise bug. Maui is the most beautiful place i have ever been. Heaven on Earth is barely an adequate description. I hope you enjoy this little view of Heaven.
^ The beach in front of our hotel, 50' from my room.
^ Sunset on Kaanapali Beach.
^ Iao Valley.
^ Waihee Beach.
^ The rugged north coast of Maui.
^ The road to Hana.
^ Haleakala National Park.
^ Looking north from the Haleakala summit.
^ Maui's west shore.
^ Lava flow on the south end of Maui.
^ The beach in front of our hotel, 50' from my room.
^ Sunset on Kaanapali Beach.
^ Iao Valley.
^ Waihee Beach.
^ The rugged north coast of Maui.
^ The road to Hana.
^ Haleakala National Park.
^ Looking north from the Haleakala summit.
^ Maui's west shore.
^ Lava flow on the south end of Maui.
The Start Of Something Beautiful
Here we go. I am entering completely foreign territory. I am beginning an exciting yet terrifying phase of my life. Well, i guess it's OUR life now. Yes, E is moving in with me. On Friday last week, he gave notice at his apartment terminating his rental agreement. No going back now.
I'm simultaneously elated and mortified by the prospect of have E move in with me. Obviously, i love him very much or i wouldn't ask him to move in with me. And it should be equally obvious that he loves me very much or he wouldn't have agreed to move in. But for as much as i love him and want to maximize my time spent with him, the pessimist in me keeps injecting doubt into my thought process and making me wonder if this is such a good idea. I am a fairly private person, and something of an introvert. I like my quiet time, going for hikes in the woods and not having anyone around to bother me. People are pests to me. I don't much care for most people. I am antisocial. No offense to any of you, my dear readers. I have people in my life that mean the world to me and without whom things just wouldn't be the same. But lets just say going to a bar and being surrounded by a bunch of drunken idiots that i don't know isn't my idea of fun. I much prefer small gatherings of close knit friends in my own home, or even better, their home. As such, even with people i love dearly, i require a fair amount of personal space sometimes. So how will i adjust to having someone else living in my house with me? How will i adjust to having strangers (E's friends) violating the sanctity of my home? What will i do when i can't come home from a late shift at work and crank my stereo up to 11 and unwind because E is in bed sleeping already?
On the other side of that coin, i am ready to take mine and E's relationship to the next level. I want to start building our life TOGETHER. I want to come home from work and have my loving man there to greet me and give me a kiss. I want to have someone to talk to after a particularly rough day. I want to have someone to keep me warm on cold nights. I want o be able to do all those things for someone as well. So despite my doubts, i still think E moving in is the right decision.
I'm not alone in my trepidation. E has been hurt and betrayed twice before. Once he was left homeless after his crazy boyfriend kicked him out and once he was left with an apartment and bills he couldn't afford on his own after his cheating boyfriend left him all alone. He doesn't want either of those things to happen again. All i can do is assure him i'm not like that, but i'm sure his past boyfriends all said the same thing. And then E's mother (who loves him and cares for him but disapproves of his gay lifestyle "choice") has to interject yet more doubt into his mind. She brings up his forthcoming trip to Rome, and asks what happens if i'm not there for him when he returns, or i decide i don't want him here anymore or if he decides he doesn't want me anymore when he returns? So now he's all freaked out and wondering if he made the right choice by deciding to move in with me where he once was certain he had.
Either way, it's happening. E is moving in with me. I think our mutual uneasiness will prove to be a good thing for us as we will both have greater respect for each others space and boundaries. We have been a couple for almost 14 months. We are nearly an old married couple by gay standards. It hasn't been easy, but we both put in a lot of work in keeping our relationship strong. I think we can do this. I think this is the start of something beautiful.
I'm simultaneously elated and mortified by the prospect of have E move in with me. Obviously, i love him very much or i wouldn't ask him to move in with me. And it should be equally obvious that he loves me very much or he wouldn't have agreed to move in. But for as much as i love him and want to maximize my time spent with him, the pessimist in me keeps injecting doubt into my thought process and making me wonder if this is such a good idea. I am a fairly private person, and something of an introvert. I like my quiet time, going for hikes in the woods and not having anyone around to bother me. People are pests to me. I don't much care for most people. I am antisocial. No offense to any of you, my dear readers. I have people in my life that mean the world to me and without whom things just wouldn't be the same. But lets just say going to a bar and being surrounded by a bunch of drunken idiots that i don't know isn't my idea of fun. I much prefer small gatherings of close knit friends in my own home, or even better, their home. As such, even with people i love dearly, i require a fair amount of personal space sometimes. So how will i adjust to having someone else living in my house with me? How will i adjust to having strangers (E's friends) violating the sanctity of my home? What will i do when i can't come home from a late shift at work and crank my stereo up to 11 and unwind because E is in bed sleeping already?
On the other side of that coin, i am ready to take mine and E's relationship to the next level. I want to start building our life TOGETHER. I want to come home from work and have my loving man there to greet me and give me a kiss. I want to have someone to talk to after a particularly rough day. I want to have someone to keep me warm on cold nights. I want o be able to do all those things for someone as well. So despite my doubts, i still think E moving in is the right decision.
I'm not alone in my trepidation. E has been hurt and betrayed twice before. Once he was left homeless after his crazy boyfriend kicked him out and once he was left with an apartment and bills he couldn't afford on his own after his cheating boyfriend left him all alone. He doesn't want either of those things to happen again. All i can do is assure him i'm not like that, but i'm sure his past boyfriends all said the same thing. And then E's mother (who loves him and cares for him but disapproves of his gay lifestyle "choice") has to interject yet more doubt into his mind. She brings up his forthcoming trip to Rome, and asks what happens if i'm not there for him when he returns, or i decide i don't want him here anymore or if he decides he doesn't want me anymore when he returns? So now he's all freaked out and wondering if he made the right choice by deciding to move in with me where he once was certain he had.
Either way, it's happening. E is moving in with me. I think our mutual uneasiness will prove to be a good thing for us as we will both have greater respect for each others space and boundaries. We have been a couple for almost 14 months. We are nearly an old married couple by gay standards. It hasn't been easy, but we both put in a lot of work in keeping our relationship strong. I think we can do this. I think this is the start of something beautiful.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Still alive???
No, this blog has not been abandoned. I know, it's been nearly three months since my last post. But really, there just hasn't been too much happening. I haven't been inspired to write much either. But, i thought i'd drop in to see if there is still anyone out there who reads this. To be honest, i haven't read a blog in ages. I simply don't have the time these days. I still keep in touch with a few people and think about all the friends i made by blogging often. But everyone grow and moves on it seems.
I want a new car. I love my S5, and my daily driver A4 is a good machine. There are only a few things i want to change about the A4 to make it a car i love. For one, i wish it had all the minor convenience technology goodies such as rain sensing wipers, automatic headlights, auto-dimming mirrors, HID headlights, etc. I also want factory navigation. The little Garmin i have is a piece of shit. Unless one has an actual street address, the thing is fucking useless. The biggest thing i wish my car had is a bigger engine. The 2.0T is strong and has plenty of power, but it sounds cheap. It sounds just like E's little Mazda. Oh well, less than two years left on the lease. I would love an S4, maybe even a BMW 550i Xdrive...
Winter has set in here in the Pacific Northwest. A few weeks ago we were hit with a pretty nasty wind storm. There were sustained wind speeds of 60 mph and gusts to 75 mph in some areas. Getting home was a pain in the ass on that night as there were wide spread power outages and trees and power lines down all over the place. Luckily, i had electricity when i got home from work, which was very surprising. Normally all it takes for my power to go out is for some fat bastard to cut a fart. I've had more power outages in my current home than all the other places i've lived combined, including the tornado prone mid-western United States.
The week of Thanksgiving we were hit with snow. I got about four inches at my house. I hate the fucking snow. Yes it's quite beautiful, but it makes getting around a real fucking headache. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to get home from work, normally al 35 minute trip. It's not my driving ability or my car that are the problem. I learned how to drive in snow and have an all-wheel drive car. I actually find driving in snow sort of fun. But, the vast majority of drivers here can't drive on dry roads, let alone icy, snow covered roads. Far too many people who shouldn't be out on the streets are driving to the mall or the movies on their snow-induced day off from work. I have no choice, i need to go to work. There are no snow days for me. But all the stupid assholes who couldn't make it to work because of the snow seem to be out and about fucking off, getting in my way as i try to get to work. I'm sorry, if the fucking snow prevented you from being productive and going to work, you shouldn't be allowed out of your home unless it's an emergency. If you're able to get to the mall to shop, you should be able to get to work. I'm ready to go back to Maui.
It's not Maui, but i am heading to the Oregon coast in a week and a half for five days. I love the Oregon coast in winter. The cold, crisp sea air, the crashing waves, with howling wind, the moody fog and cloud cover. The place i stay is right on the beach, has a warm gas fireplace and a jetted tub in the room, and a king size bed for cuddling with the boyfriend. I can't wait!
Speaking of the boyfriend, we are talking about him moving in with me finally. I'm both excited and terrified by the prospect. I love him with all my heart, but i've never had a live in boyfriend and am wondering how i will handle having someone here with me 24/7/365. I like to have my space but i also love having him around. Quite the pickle.
E has also been accepted into a foreign study program. This means he will be in Europe for two months and having the time of his life, and i will be left alone. It sucks. I hate the thought of not having him by my side for two solid months. He makes me happy, and on some days he is all i have to get me through. I wonder how i will get by without him to talk to, to hold, to kiss and comfort me. He says "it's only two months, it'll go by fast." Well, sure, for him it will. He will be busy doing things and going wonderful places and seeing all sorts of new things. For me it will be the same old shit, minus the man i love. And i won't be there to kick the asses of all the European boys who will be hitting on him and trying to steal him from me. I trust him 100%, but he is a very sexy guy and i'm sure he will have occasion to be tempted by the fruit of another as it were. And as much as technology will allow us to communicate and see each other visually, it's just not an acceptable substitute for having him here with me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or some such bullshit.
Well, it's 2:30am and i need to get some sleep. Until next time...
I want a new car. I love my S5, and my daily driver A4 is a good machine. There are only a few things i want to change about the A4 to make it a car i love. For one, i wish it had all the minor convenience technology goodies such as rain sensing wipers, automatic headlights, auto-dimming mirrors, HID headlights, etc. I also want factory navigation. The little Garmin i have is a piece of shit. Unless one has an actual street address, the thing is fucking useless. The biggest thing i wish my car had is a bigger engine. The 2.0T is strong and has plenty of power, but it sounds cheap. It sounds just like E's little Mazda. Oh well, less than two years left on the lease. I would love an S4, maybe even a BMW 550i Xdrive...
Winter has set in here in the Pacific Northwest. A few weeks ago we were hit with a pretty nasty wind storm. There were sustained wind speeds of 60 mph and gusts to 75 mph in some areas. Getting home was a pain in the ass on that night as there were wide spread power outages and trees and power lines down all over the place. Luckily, i had electricity when i got home from work, which was very surprising. Normally all it takes for my power to go out is for some fat bastard to cut a fart. I've had more power outages in my current home than all the other places i've lived combined, including the tornado prone mid-western United States.
The week of Thanksgiving we were hit with snow. I got about four inches at my house. I hate the fucking snow. Yes it's quite beautiful, but it makes getting around a real fucking headache. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to get home from work, normally al 35 minute trip. It's not my driving ability or my car that are the problem. I learned how to drive in snow and have an all-wheel drive car. I actually find driving in snow sort of fun. But, the vast majority of drivers here can't drive on dry roads, let alone icy, snow covered roads. Far too many people who shouldn't be out on the streets are driving to the mall or the movies on their snow-induced day off from work. I have no choice, i need to go to work. There are no snow days for me. But all the stupid assholes who couldn't make it to work because of the snow seem to be out and about fucking off, getting in my way as i try to get to work. I'm sorry, if the fucking snow prevented you from being productive and going to work, you shouldn't be allowed out of your home unless it's an emergency. If you're able to get to the mall to shop, you should be able to get to work. I'm ready to go back to Maui.
It's not Maui, but i am heading to the Oregon coast in a week and a half for five days. I love the Oregon coast in winter. The cold, crisp sea air, the crashing waves, with howling wind, the moody fog and cloud cover. The place i stay is right on the beach, has a warm gas fireplace and a jetted tub in the room, and a king size bed for cuddling with the boyfriend. I can't wait!
Speaking of the boyfriend, we are talking about him moving in with me finally. I'm both excited and terrified by the prospect. I love him with all my heart, but i've never had a live in boyfriend and am wondering how i will handle having someone here with me 24/7/365. I like to have my space but i also love having him around. Quite the pickle.
E has also been accepted into a foreign study program. This means he will be in Europe for two months and having the time of his life, and i will be left alone. It sucks. I hate the thought of not having him by my side for two solid months. He makes me happy, and on some days he is all i have to get me through. I wonder how i will get by without him to talk to, to hold, to kiss and comfort me. He says "it's only two months, it'll go by fast." Well, sure, for him it will. He will be busy doing things and going wonderful places and seeing all sorts of new things. For me it will be the same old shit, minus the man i love. And i won't be there to kick the asses of all the European boys who will be hitting on him and trying to steal him from me. I trust him 100%, but he is a very sexy guy and i'm sure he will have occasion to be tempted by the fruit of another as it were. And as much as technology will allow us to communicate and see each other visually, it's just not an acceptable substitute for having him here with me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or some such bullshit.
Well, it's 2:30am and i need to get some sleep. Until next time...
Friday, September 17, 2010
It's been a while...
A very long while. So, how is everyone? Doing well i hope. Things are the same as ever here. This won't be much of a post, as i'm fairly tired. Anywho, i finally broke down and bought a new bicycle. Two of them in fact. First is a Trek 2.1 road bike. It's so light and fast! I took two minutes off my best ride time of last year (when i was in much better shape) on my first ride. I'm hoping to ride in the Seattle to Portland next year. The other new bike is a Trek 6000 mountain bike. Took that bad boy out for a trial run up (and down) a trail on Mount Rainier a few weeks ago. Front suspension and hydraulic disc brakes makes for a sweet riding experience. What an awesome bike!
I'm finishing up my last few days of vacation for the year as i write this. I got home from Maui, Hawaii on Tuesday night. Ugh, it sure sucks donkey balls to be home. This was my first trip to Hawaii. In any event, i am in love with the place. It really is Heaven on Earth. It was in the mid 80's everyday, warm and sunny (i've got a tan for the first time in years) and the ocean was like bath water (unlike the year round frigid water of the ocean near me). I want to go back and never leave. At least i got to fly first class. I drank as many little tiny bottles of booze as i could in the five and a half hours i was on the aircraft. And champagne before departure definitely takes the edge off having to go from paradise.
It has been nearly 11 months since i started dating E. Things are still on track, but i think the novelty is wearing off for him. For example, he doesn't like to cuddle on the couch and watch TV or movies. He prefers to have his "own space". And when i tried to hold his hand the other day he asked me "Aren't you past that yet?". I guess i just need more physical contact than he does. I just wish he'd meet me half way more often instead of turning on the ice machine and playing Mr. Cool. I know we all have different needs, but it sometimes seems like i'm more in love with him than he is with me. I almost feel bad for wanting to cuddle and be close to him when he says he wants space (which is more often than not). I feel like i'm imposing on him or smothering him. But, i still have my needs and i like to be close to him (despite the fact i don't like other people to touch me or hug me or be close to me). I feel comforted when we are close. Oh well, time will tell. I guess we haven't come this far for no reason.
i got a sorta-kinda promotion at work. I haven't decided if i am going to accept it yet though because i will lose a little pay due to the fact i won't be getting Sunday pay or night differential anymore. But, it's a perfect stepping stone to getting into management, so i probably will accept the appointment. After all, if i have to endure some office job for a year or so in order to get into a management spot with a very handsome pay raise, i guess it will be worth it.
Well, i'm beat. Time for bed after a strong drink and a listen to some nice relaxing music (i'm thinking Alkan).
I'm finishing up my last few days of vacation for the year as i write this. I got home from Maui, Hawaii on Tuesday night. Ugh, it sure sucks donkey balls to be home. This was my first trip to Hawaii. In any event, i am in love with the place. It really is Heaven on Earth. It was in the mid 80's everyday, warm and sunny (i've got a tan for the first time in years) and the ocean was like bath water (unlike the year round frigid water of the ocean near me). I want to go back and never leave. At least i got to fly first class. I drank as many little tiny bottles of booze as i could in the five and a half hours i was on the aircraft. And champagne before departure definitely takes the edge off having to go from paradise.
It has been nearly 11 months since i started dating E. Things are still on track, but i think the novelty is wearing off for him. For example, he doesn't like to cuddle on the couch and watch TV or movies. He prefers to have his "own space". And when i tried to hold his hand the other day he asked me "Aren't you past that yet?". I guess i just need more physical contact than he does. I just wish he'd meet me half way more often instead of turning on the ice machine and playing Mr. Cool. I know we all have different needs, but it sometimes seems like i'm more in love with him than he is with me. I almost feel bad for wanting to cuddle and be close to him when he says he wants space (which is more often than not). I feel like i'm imposing on him or smothering him. But, i still have my needs and i like to be close to him (despite the fact i don't like other people to touch me or hug me or be close to me). I feel comforted when we are close. Oh well, time will tell. I guess we haven't come this far for no reason.
i got a sorta-kinda promotion at work. I haven't decided if i am going to accept it yet though because i will lose a little pay due to the fact i won't be getting Sunday pay or night differential anymore. But, it's a perfect stepping stone to getting into management, so i probably will accept the appointment. After all, if i have to endure some office job for a year or so in order to get into a management spot with a very handsome pay raise, i guess it will be worth it.
Well, i'm beat. Time for bed after a strong drink and a listen to some nice relaxing music (i'm thinking Alkan).
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