Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted anything on my little blog. I'm sitting in my car, killing precious time while waiting to go home from work (these mid shifts are perfect for night owls such as myself). I wonder, are any of you, my old friends, still out there in the blogosphere? So much has happened since we last spoke, so much to talk about and so much to catch up on. I find myself thinking of many of you frequently, recalling hours spent chatting on MSN, laughing, crying, giving each other the love and support each of us needed at any given moment. The love and support I was given by so many of you has enabled me to be the out and proud man I am today and for that I am eternally grateful. I sincerely hope that this finds all of you well and that we might have occasion to do some catching up soon.
Cheers!
Deadwing
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Saturday, December 31, 2011
It's been fun...
...but i think it's time for 2011 to get the fuck out.
Wow, another year is gone? Shit oh dear, i'm getting old! What a blur this year was. Not all of it good. Most of it was crap, actually. Between my grandpa passing away, my mom developing health issues and my grandma really not doing so well either, it's been pretty shit. I'm glad to see 2011 go away.
The above said, i still have plenty to be thankful for, and am reminded daily of just how fortunate i really am.
I wish all of you the best for 2012!
Wow, another year is gone? Shit oh dear, i'm getting old! What a blur this year was. Not all of it good. Most of it was crap, actually. Between my grandpa passing away, my mom developing health issues and my grandma really not doing so well either, it's been pretty shit. I'm glad to see 2011 go away.
The above said, i still have plenty to be thankful for, and am reminded daily of just how fortunate i really am.
I wish all of you the best for 2012!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Long Time, No Spank... I Mean Speak
Well, hello there. Been a long time my friends. How is everyone doing out there in the world? Very well indeed, i hope. Everyone behaving themselves, hmm? I suspect not. ;-)
First off, this new blogger dashboard is...different. I suspect i'll get used to it, but for now it's just way too white! I'll have to tinker and see if i can customize the view.
Anywho, on to business. Tomorrow is a rather important day for me. And for E. Why you ask? An excellent question. It's such an important occasion because it is mine and E's two year anniversary. Yes, i have managed to find a man that has been willing to put up with all my bullshit for two who years! I now believe in miracles. In all seriousness though, i am the first to admit i am not an easy person to live with (and it's been nearly a year since E has moved in with me...i'm still adjusting, but i rather like having someone to come home to). He must really love to have not killed me by now. I'm moody, grumpy, loud, and i swear a lot. I snore, hog the covers and like the bedroom way colder than E would have it. I'm lazy, a slob, and i hate house work. I like to eat full flavor foods (i.e. NOT healthy), smoke cigars and drink way too much whisky (is there such a thing?). I spend money on frivolous things instead of saving it, drive a car that wastes fuel and like to live a little dangerously. But for some reason, the wonderful man that i met two years ago has stuck by my side, and remained faithful to me despite the fact that he's hot and i'm not, and he could have any man he wants. We argue like an old married couple, and i know i infuriate him at times (as does he to me), but we always kiss and make up and get over ourselves and our little problems. I know in the grand scheme of things, two years is just a single grain of sand through the hour glass of time, but it's the longest relationship i've ever been in (and E's second longest) and also the longest i've ever lived with anyone other than family. I guess in the end, all that matters is that i love him with all my heart and he loves me. God willing, this will last a lifetime.
The other part of all this is that a few months ago we dispensed with the "boyfriend" nomenclature. Now, it's "partner". It feels more serious, more real, more committed than mere boyfriends. I haven't bought him a commitment ring yet, but that is on the horizon i think. Marriage? Get back to me. Baby steps...
What else is new? I missed out on another opportunity for promotion at work. I'm kind of bummed. But, once they start paying relocation money, it opens the floodgates and people way more qualified than me bid on the openings. But still, i missed out on the big money. The pay bands for supervisors were adjusted recently, and not up. The bottom of the bad now fall below what i currently make, which means a very insignificant pay increase for me when i finally do get promoted (it's only a matter of time as i'm checking all the right boxes and kissing all the right asses). So i now have to decide if the increase in responsibility and the ultra high bullshit factor is worth the modest pay increase. I'm starting to rethink my plans. Maybe i should resign my current job as a support specialist and just go back to working the boards. Get back in the comfort zone, and get back my sunday pay, night differential and holiday pay. The people i used to work with were way more fun too. Oh, i still do work with them when i get my currency time, but offices are too fucking stuffy. That said, i bid another supe job today. Cross option, so i'd change facilities. We'll see... I went to Maui for two weeks with E back in September. First class to boot. E had to drive us from the airport to the hotel. I was a bit intoxiated... I drank every last drop of Grand Marnier on the aircraft and then some. The trip was amazing. Warm beaches, sunshine, no schedules or jobs or bosses. We went to the top of Haleakala and watched the sunset (we are both far too lazy to get up early enough to watch the sunrise). Mimosas for breakfast, Mai Tais for lunch and the best seafood i've ever had for dinner. The ultimate in relaxation in the most perfect place i've ever been. I'm ready to go back. I'm not ready for winter, and don't even mention the S word...
I went and bought a new toy a few weeks back. I purchased a brand new SIG556 SWAT assault rifle. And a few thousand rounds of ammo. I'm now ready for the apocalypse. Bring on the zombies! The lease is up on my A4 in less than a year. I'm already over my milage allowance for the term of the lease (oops), so my options are buy it out, or trade it in on something newer. I'm leaning towards new car. I've got my eye on the Audi A7. The S4 is also an option, as it will be refreshed for the 2013 model year, but i'm not sure it will have some of the goodies that i want and are available on the A7. Plus it's awful similar to what i currently have. Decisions, decisions...
Well, i should let you all go. You're probably bored to tears by now. It's been fun catching up, we should do this more often. Don't be strangers!
First off, this new blogger dashboard is...different. I suspect i'll get used to it, but for now it's just way too white! I'll have to tinker and see if i can customize the view.
Anywho, on to business. Tomorrow is a rather important day for me. And for E. Why you ask? An excellent question. It's such an important occasion because it is mine and E's two year anniversary. Yes, i have managed to find a man that has been willing to put up with all my bullshit for two who years! I now believe in miracles. In all seriousness though, i am the first to admit i am not an easy person to live with (and it's been nearly a year since E has moved in with me...i'm still adjusting, but i rather like having someone to come home to). He must really love to have not killed me by now. I'm moody, grumpy, loud, and i swear a lot. I snore, hog the covers and like the bedroom way colder than E would have it. I'm lazy, a slob, and i hate house work. I like to eat full flavor foods (i.e. NOT healthy), smoke cigars and drink way too much whisky (is there such a thing?). I spend money on frivolous things instead of saving it, drive a car that wastes fuel and like to live a little dangerously. But for some reason, the wonderful man that i met two years ago has stuck by my side, and remained faithful to me despite the fact that he's hot and i'm not, and he could have any man he wants. We argue like an old married couple, and i know i infuriate him at times (as does he to me), but we always kiss and make up and get over ourselves and our little problems. I know in the grand scheme of things, two years is just a single grain of sand through the hour glass of time, but it's the longest relationship i've ever been in (and E's second longest) and also the longest i've ever lived with anyone other than family. I guess in the end, all that matters is that i love him with all my heart and he loves me. God willing, this will last a lifetime.
The other part of all this is that a few months ago we dispensed with the "boyfriend" nomenclature. Now, it's "partner". It feels more serious, more real, more committed than mere boyfriends. I haven't bought him a commitment ring yet, but that is on the horizon i think. Marriage? Get back to me. Baby steps...
What else is new? I missed out on another opportunity for promotion at work. I'm kind of bummed. But, once they start paying relocation money, it opens the floodgates and people way more qualified than me bid on the openings. But still, i missed out on the big money. The pay bands for supervisors were adjusted recently, and not up. The bottom of the bad now fall below what i currently make, which means a very insignificant pay increase for me when i finally do get promoted (it's only a matter of time as i'm checking all the right boxes and kissing all the right asses). So i now have to decide if the increase in responsibility and the ultra high bullshit factor is worth the modest pay increase. I'm starting to rethink my plans. Maybe i should resign my current job as a support specialist and just go back to working the boards. Get back in the comfort zone, and get back my sunday pay, night differential and holiday pay. The people i used to work with were way more fun too. Oh, i still do work with them when i get my currency time, but offices are too fucking stuffy. That said, i bid another supe job today. Cross option, so i'd change facilities. We'll see... I went to Maui for two weeks with E back in September. First class to boot. E had to drive us from the airport to the hotel. I was a bit intoxiated... I drank every last drop of Grand Marnier on the aircraft and then some. The trip was amazing. Warm beaches, sunshine, no schedules or jobs or bosses. We went to the top of Haleakala and watched the sunset (we are both far too lazy to get up early enough to watch the sunrise). Mimosas for breakfast, Mai Tais for lunch and the best seafood i've ever had for dinner. The ultimate in relaxation in the most perfect place i've ever been. I'm ready to go back. I'm not ready for winter, and don't even mention the S word...
I went and bought a new toy a few weeks back. I purchased a brand new SIG556 SWAT assault rifle. And a few thousand rounds of ammo. I'm now ready for the apocalypse. Bring on the zombies! The lease is up on my A4 in less than a year. I'm already over my milage allowance for the term of the lease (oops), so my options are buy it out, or trade it in on something newer. I'm leaning towards new car. I've got my eye on the Audi A7. The S4 is also an option, as it will be refreshed for the 2013 model year, but i'm not sure it will have some of the goodies that i want and are available on the A7. Plus it's awful similar to what i currently have. Decisions, decisions...
Well, i should let you all go. You're probably bored to tears by now. It's been fun catching up, we should do this more often. Don't be strangers!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
What A Chump.
Chump. That's the term used to describe people like me, or anyone who makes an effort to work hard, better themselves and be a contributing member of society. Why do i say that, you ask? Allow me to explain.
For you long-readers, you will most likely remember the car crash i was involved in way back in August of 2009. For those who haven't been reading long, or who need a refresher, here's what happened. I was driving to work one fine Friday afternoon minding my own business when i happened upon a long line of stopped cars where there usually isn't one. Traffic normally flows at the speed limit of 50 mph on this road, and stops at the few traffic lights are rare because there isn't much cross traffic. So, i come to a full and complete stop and notice a state pig and a DOT vehicle on the shoulder, finishing up clearing a crash. I am stopped for a good 2 minutes and am trying to look ahead to see what the problem is when BAM!!!! Some stupid fucking cunt in a giant 6000 pound SUV plows into the back of my brand new, six month old, hadn't been in for it's first service yet Audi S5. The force of the collision is so great that it pushes my car into the car in front of me, that car into the one in front of it and that car into the one in front of it.
Needless to say, my car is fucked up. In fact, it's a total loss. I file the claim through my insurance (good thing, because as it turns out, the stupid twat that hit me didn't have enough insurance to cover the property damage) and my insurance pays out pretty much what i paid for the car. Great, right? Well, almost.
The car that got killed was a 2009 model year. At the time of the accident, we are into the 2010 model year. Sure, i could have scrounged and found a used one that matched eventually, but it's a used car. I am not spending that kind of cash on a used car, especially given that my wrecked car was brand new at the time of loss, for all intents and purposes.
Short story long, I had to order a 2010 car to replace my 2009 car and of course, costs go up. All in all, my replacement vehicle cost me about $4000 more than the wrecked car, and i lost about $3000 on extended warranties, service contracts, satellite radio subscriptions, etc. on the wrecked car that couldn't be refunded to me. for a total of about $7000.
This doesn't even take into account the fact my back and neck are all fucked up, that my mobility is reduced and i've put back on the 75 pounds i lost prior to the crash. So, now i'm once again a fat fuck who is in constant pain and no hope of ever getting back to my former self.
It has taken two fucking years to settle this case. Two years of dealing with slime ball piece of shit lawyers, doctors, insurance companies and all their minions. I attended an arbitration hearing last week to see what i would be getting for my settlement for all the shit this whore has put me through. Net result, after the insurance companies and lawyers get their cut, i'll be getting about $3500. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! For all the shit i've had to go through and still go through, that's all i get? That doesn't even cover my losses!
Partly i'm getting fucked because there is no pity in the "justice" system for people who actually have jobs and aren't fucking bums who suck those who work hard dry. The arbitrator felt sorry for the goddamn cunt who hit me and fucked up my life because she is an irresponsible piece of shit and has filed bankruptcy and has no money, and simultaneously doesn't feel sorry for me, the victim, simply because i have the means to provide for myself and have nice things.
This country has become such an ass-backwards, fucked-up, welfare state that coddles the useless and takes from the ones who work and strive to succeed. It's got to the point that working hard and trying to better ones self is pure foolishness. Why work hard only to have what you work for taken away from you? And why should i hold myself accountable for my action when nobody else is held accountable for theirs?
It's time for a revolution. Send the bums back to where they belong, the gutter. We need a class system that gives those who work hard all the power and wealth and those who don't work get nothing. No more welfare, no more social programs. I'm tired of propping things up and being the chump. Maybe i should stop working and stop be accountable and just sit back and relax for a change. After all, there are plenty of other chumps out there working hard who are ripe to have what they have eared taken from them
For you long-readers, you will most likely remember the car crash i was involved in way back in August of 2009. For those who haven't been reading long, or who need a refresher, here's what happened. I was driving to work one fine Friday afternoon minding my own business when i happened upon a long line of stopped cars where there usually isn't one. Traffic normally flows at the speed limit of 50 mph on this road, and stops at the few traffic lights are rare because there isn't much cross traffic. So, i come to a full and complete stop and notice a state pig and a DOT vehicle on the shoulder, finishing up clearing a crash. I am stopped for a good 2 minutes and am trying to look ahead to see what the problem is when BAM!!!! Some stupid fucking cunt in a giant 6000 pound SUV plows into the back of my brand new, six month old, hadn't been in for it's first service yet Audi S5. The force of the collision is so great that it pushes my car into the car in front of me, that car into the one in front of it and that car into the one in front of it.
Needless to say, my car is fucked up. In fact, it's a total loss. I file the claim through my insurance (good thing, because as it turns out, the stupid twat that hit me didn't have enough insurance to cover the property damage) and my insurance pays out pretty much what i paid for the car. Great, right? Well, almost.
The car that got killed was a 2009 model year. At the time of the accident, we are into the 2010 model year. Sure, i could have scrounged and found a used one that matched eventually, but it's a used car. I am not spending that kind of cash on a used car, especially given that my wrecked car was brand new at the time of loss, for all intents and purposes.
Short story long, I had to order a 2010 car to replace my 2009 car and of course, costs go up. All in all, my replacement vehicle cost me about $4000 more than the wrecked car, and i lost about $3000 on extended warranties, service contracts, satellite radio subscriptions, etc. on the wrecked car that couldn't be refunded to me. for a total of about $7000.
This doesn't even take into account the fact my back and neck are all fucked up, that my mobility is reduced and i've put back on the 75 pounds i lost prior to the crash. So, now i'm once again a fat fuck who is in constant pain and no hope of ever getting back to my former self.
It has taken two fucking years to settle this case. Two years of dealing with slime ball piece of shit lawyers, doctors, insurance companies and all their minions. I attended an arbitration hearing last week to see what i would be getting for my settlement for all the shit this whore has put me through. Net result, after the insurance companies and lawyers get their cut, i'll be getting about $3500. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! For all the shit i've had to go through and still go through, that's all i get? That doesn't even cover my losses!
Partly i'm getting fucked because there is no pity in the "justice" system for people who actually have jobs and aren't fucking bums who suck those who work hard dry. The arbitrator felt sorry for the goddamn cunt who hit me and fucked up my life because she is an irresponsible piece of shit and has filed bankruptcy and has no money, and simultaneously doesn't feel sorry for me, the victim, simply because i have the means to provide for myself and have nice things.
This country has become such an ass-backwards, fucked-up, welfare state that coddles the useless and takes from the ones who work and strive to succeed. It's got to the point that working hard and trying to better ones self is pure foolishness. Why work hard only to have what you work for taken away from you? And why should i hold myself accountable for my action when nobody else is held accountable for theirs?
It's time for a revolution. Send the bums back to where they belong, the gutter. We need a class system that gives those who work hard all the power and wealth and those who don't work get nothing. No more welfare, no more social programs. I'm tired of propping things up and being the chump. Maybe i should stop working and stop be accountable and just sit back and relax for a change. After all, there are plenty of other chumps out there working hard who are ripe to have what they have eared taken from them
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Oops...
I hate when that happens! I don't know how many of you have seen this little incident in the news (and if you have, you've probably only heard the edited version), but it sure made me laugh when i heard it. For those of you who don't know of this, what happened was, a Southwest Airlines pilot either had a stuck mic or had inadvertently keyed his mic while he was talking to the other pilot while in the cockpit and en route. So, the net effect was everyone on frequency got to hear all sorts of things that i'm sure this pilot is absolutely mortified went out over the air.
Now for the record, i am all for people holding whatever opinions they want about anything at all, even though, as in this case, i may not agree with them, so long as those opinions are discussed and shared in the proper venue. As this was an honest mistake, and the pilot thought he was having a private conversation with his fellow crew mate (although the fact that cockpit voice recorders can hold up to four hours of audio and transcripts of said recorders fall into the public realm if an accident should occur, nothing said in the cockpit of an airliner is really that private), i really don't see why this is such a media circus. I mean, everyone says things in private that they would never say in public, and i'm sure if this guy knew he was live and on the air he would have never said such things. In fact, occurrences such as this are not all that uncommon. It's just that the conversation is usually more benign, such as the pilots accidentally transmitting what they think is going over the PA to the passengers. Hell, even i have accidentally broadcast stuff that i didn't mean to. And considering the conversations that take place while i'm at work, i'm damn lucky the stuff that's gone out has all been G rated.
At any rate, the stuff this pilot said was pretty offensive even to my ears, but i still got a chuckle out of it thinking about how this pilot must have felt when he got call into the bosses office and heard the tape for himself.
Ladies and gentlemen, i present to you the Worlds Most Embarrassed Airline Pilot...
Now for the record, i am all for people holding whatever opinions they want about anything at all, even though, as in this case, i may not agree with them, so long as those opinions are discussed and shared in the proper venue. As this was an honest mistake, and the pilot thought he was having a private conversation with his fellow crew mate (although the fact that cockpit voice recorders can hold up to four hours of audio and transcripts of said recorders fall into the public realm if an accident should occur, nothing said in the cockpit of an airliner is really that private), i really don't see why this is such a media circus. I mean, everyone says things in private that they would never say in public, and i'm sure if this guy knew he was live and on the air he would have never said such things. In fact, occurrences such as this are not all that uncommon. It's just that the conversation is usually more benign, such as the pilots accidentally transmitting what they think is going over the PA to the passengers. Hell, even i have accidentally broadcast stuff that i didn't mean to. And considering the conversations that take place while i'm at work, i'm damn lucky the stuff that's gone out has all been G rated.
At any rate, the stuff this pilot said was pretty offensive even to my ears, but i still got a chuckle out of it thinking about how this pilot must have felt when he got call into the bosses office and heard the tape for himself.
Ladies and gentlemen, i present to you the Worlds Most Embarrassed Airline Pilot...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Aerial Photography
The following were all taken in early February 2011 from the cozy confines of my seat aboard an MD-80 using my iPhone (i was too lazy to get out of my seat and grab my good camera from the overhead bin). Not too shabby, aside from reflections in the windows and such. I have been travelling for work quite a bit and unfortunately all my travel has been to Oklahoma City. If you've never been there, don't bother. It's quite possibly the flattest, most boring, featureless, redneck infested shit hole i've ever had the displeasure of visiting.
Anyway, the only reason i thought to post these is because Gauss Jordan mentioned he'd been in Seattle and hadn't been able to visit the Museum of Flight. So, here you are my friend. Not quite the same, but a slightly different view of the outside displays anyway. Next time you're in town, shoot me an email and i'll go to the Museum of Flight with you. I love that place, and they've added a bunch to it sine the last time i was there. And just in case you didn't get a good view of the mountain while you were here, i thought i'd include a shot of it as well. Mount Rainier is one of my favorite place and i can't wait to get some hiking in there this summer.
Enjoy!
^ KBFI as seen from seat 6A on final to 16C @KSEA
^ KBFI as seen from seat 6A on final to 16C @KSEA (Museum of Flight is center frame with various historic aircraft visible below and slightly left of center)
^ Mt. Rainier on climb out from KSEA for KOKC.
Anyway, the only reason i thought to post these is because Gauss Jordan mentioned he'd been in Seattle and hadn't been able to visit the Museum of Flight. So, here you are my friend. Not quite the same, but a slightly different view of the outside displays anyway. Next time you're in town, shoot me an email and i'll go to the Museum of Flight with you. I love that place, and they've added a bunch to it sine the last time i was there. And just in case you didn't get a good view of the mountain while you were here, i thought i'd include a shot of it as well. Mount Rainier is one of my favorite place and i can't wait to get some hiking in there this summer.
Enjoy!
^ KBFI as seen from seat 6A on final to 16C @KSEA
^ KBFI as seen from seat 6A on final to 16C @KSEA (Museum of Flight is center frame with various historic aircraft visible below and slightly left of center)
^ Mt. Rainier on climb out from KSEA for KOKC.
Monday, June 6, 2011
A bit of porn...
Well, this ought to give you some idea as to the variety of geek that i am. Airplane porn for the win!
But Jesus! Listen to the sound of those engines! And that an airplane that big can climb like that is impressive. I was flying out of KMSP aboard a Northwest Airlines Boeing 757-200 several years back and watched the runway markers tick past on the take-off roll. That airplane only used 2500 feet of runway on take-off! That is next to nothing for an aircraft of that size. When i stopped by the cockpit to chat the pilot after the flight, he said we were climbing out at 6500 feet per minute, which again, is astounding performance.
Seeing stuff like this really makes me wish i'd pursued flying as a career rather than just for recreation. I highly doubt my local FBO will be offering an aircraft like this one for rent anytime soon.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
What a spoiled little bitch I am...
Yes, a spoiled little bitch. I've become one of "those" people somehow. It's difficult to say how the transformation occurred or when, but it did. When i was really young, life was pretty good. My parents hadn't yet divorced, my dad owned a successful business, we lived in an upper-middle class neighborhood, etc. We didn't live extravagantly as my dad was (and still is for that matter) something of a tight wad. But we didn't want for anything either.
Then things went to Hell on a rocket powered sled. My parents got divorced, we were in a nasty car wreck that got blamed on my mother (who was NOT at fault) and moved from a big house to a tiny apartment, from nice car to shitty car to the fucking bus, and from eating delicious meals to instant noodles and mac and cheese. Nothing like being moments away from homelessness to bring a smile to ones face. My paper route money went to feeding my family and paying household bills at the age of 12. Add in the stresses of figuring out that i'm gay and having to keep that bottled up for a couple decades and it's no wonder i drifted into a depression that i never really got out of. Yes, i'm still suffering from depression and subjecting my poor, loving partner to a slice of Hell on earth now and then. Well, quite a bit actually. Why he hasn't left me i'll never know.
But i digress. My point is i am now a spoiled little shit despite all the crap i've been through in my life. I live in a nice house in a snotty, uptight suburban neighborhood (that i hate by the way, and can't wait to leave for an upper crust neighborhood in a historic district in the city), i have not one, but two German luxury cars, and take vacations to places like Maui on a whim. I'm not meaning to brag. Quite the opposite. I have become one of the assholes that i once loathed.
It's got to the point that i refuse to fly coach. I will only fly first class domestically, and at the very least business class on overseas international flights. Even for work. The cheap fuckers only provide for coach airfare. So, i actually pay out of pocket to upgrade to first class each and every flight i have to take for work. The free-flowing liquor and extra ball room in the seat are well worth it however.
I have a need to go and buy a new car. A better car than what i have already. One with more features and more power and more prestige and more look-at-me factor. And this is despite the fact that the car i have is not only in perfect working order (and still under lease for anther 18 months), but a very nice car that most people would love to have.
But you know what? I don't think i could live any other way. I love spending money and having the absolute best of everything. I'm headed to Cabo San Lucas in a few weeks, first class. And to Maui in a couple months, first class. Despite the fact i hate what i've become, i can't seem to live any other way.
Even though i want for nothing and have more than i need, i start to foam at the mouth when i hear about how my hard earned tax dollars are being spent on social programs. Sure, some people are genuinely unfortunate and need assistance to get back on their feet. But far too many abuse the system. Assistance designed to be temporary and help people who are less fortunate get back on their feet becomes a way of life and these lazy assholes suck the system, and my wallet, dry. What's mine is mine and if you want what i have, get off your lazy fucking ass and work for it.
Maybe it's because i had so little for so long and was so poor most of my life that i'm so possessive of what i work so hard for. Or maybe i'm just an asshole who no longer possesses any sense of compassion.
I have no idea how this post has (d)evolved to what it is. And maybe it doesn't matter. This probably makes me sound well prickish. But it's not that i don't care, i just don't give a fuck.
I think perhaps its time to refresh my beverage and have some dinner before i go to bed and rest for another brutal day at work tomorrow.
Goodnight, blogland.
Then things went to Hell on a rocket powered sled. My parents got divorced, we were in a nasty car wreck that got blamed on my mother (who was NOT at fault) and moved from a big house to a tiny apartment, from nice car to shitty car to the fucking bus, and from eating delicious meals to instant noodles and mac and cheese. Nothing like being moments away from homelessness to bring a smile to ones face. My paper route money went to feeding my family and paying household bills at the age of 12. Add in the stresses of figuring out that i'm gay and having to keep that bottled up for a couple decades and it's no wonder i drifted into a depression that i never really got out of. Yes, i'm still suffering from depression and subjecting my poor, loving partner to a slice of Hell on earth now and then. Well, quite a bit actually. Why he hasn't left me i'll never know.
But i digress. My point is i am now a spoiled little shit despite all the crap i've been through in my life. I live in a nice house in a snotty, uptight suburban neighborhood (that i hate by the way, and can't wait to leave for an upper crust neighborhood in a historic district in the city), i have not one, but two German luxury cars, and take vacations to places like Maui on a whim. I'm not meaning to brag. Quite the opposite. I have become one of the assholes that i once loathed.
It's got to the point that i refuse to fly coach. I will only fly first class domestically, and at the very least business class on overseas international flights. Even for work. The cheap fuckers only provide for coach airfare. So, i actually pay out of pocket to upgrade to first class each and every flight i have to take for work. The free-flowing liquor and extra ball room in the seat are well worth it however.
I have a need to go and buy a new car. A better car than what i have already. One with more features and more power and more prestige and more look-at-me factor. And this is despite the fact that the car i have is not only in perfect working order (and still under lease for anther 18 months), but a very nice car that most people would love to have.
But you know what? I don't think i could live any other way. I love spending money and having the absolute best of everything. I'm headed to Cabo San Lucas in a few weeks, first class. And to Maui in a couple months, first class. Despite the fact i hate what i've become, i can't seem to live any other way.
Even though i want for nothing and have more than i need, i start to foam at the mouth when i hear about how my hard earned tax dollars are being spent on social programs. Sure, some people are genuinely unfortunate and need assistance to get back on their feet. But far too many abuse the system. Assistance designed to be temporary and help people who are less fortunate get back on their feet becomes a way of life and these lazy assholes suck the system, and my wallet, dry. What's mine is mine and if you want what i have, get off your lazy fucking ass and work for it.
Maybe it's because i had so little for so long and was so poor most of my life that i'm so possessive of what i work so hard for. Or maybe i'm just an asshole who no longer possesses any sense of compassion.
I have no idea how this post has (d)evolved to what it is. And maybe it doesn't matter. This probably makes me sound well prickish. But it's not that i don't care, i just don't give a fuck.
I think perhaps its time to refresh my beverage and have some dinner before i go to bed and rest for another brutal day at work tomorrow.
Goodnight, blogland.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Blogiversary Part II
Well, it looks like the two year anniversary of my little blog passed unnoticed by even me. March 15th marked two years that this blog has been around. There have been a lot of changes in the blogosphere and the world at large in that time frame. The two year anniversary of me being a proud, openly gay man passed on March 20th. Fast forward to today, and i have a wonderful partner that i love very much and a happy home life that was just a dream a few years ago.
I have a good life, and i couldn't have the life i have without the help and love of people that i have never met in real life. All the friends i made by blogging and being a part of our little online community really made the worst of it easier to bear. People like James who was always there to hear me bitch about something and try to help me through it. And Steevo, who not only was there to lend an ear but who encouraged me to go to my first PFLAG meeting and was a constant source of encouragement and provider of resources. Also included are all the people who read my blog, commented on my blog, chatted with me on MSN.
But the one who really started me on my path to where i am today was Mirrorboy. He was the first person i ever told that i was gay, the one who always had a kind word for me when i was feeling down no matter how down he was himself, the most selfless and caring friend anyone would ever want to have online or in real life. So Mirrorboy, here's to you mate. Thanks for always being there for me buddy. I miss chatting with you immensely. Even though we haven't spoken in ages, i still think of you often. I love you buddy, and where ever you are and whatever you might be doing i hope you are happy and healthy and on the path to life good life you deserve.
I have a good life, and i couldn't have the life i have without the help and love of people that i have never met in real life. All the friends i made by blogging and being a part of our little online community really made the worst of it easier to bear. People like James who was always there to hear me bitch about something and try to help me through it. And Steevo, who not only was there to lend an ear but who encouraged me to go to my first PFLAG meeting and was a constant source of encouragement and provider of resources. Also included are all the people who read my blog, commented on my blog, chatted with me on MSN.
But the one who really started me on my path to where i am today was Mirrorboy. He was the first person i ever told that i was gay, the one who always had a kind word for me when i was feeling down no matter how down he was himself, the most selfless and caring friend anyone would ever want to have online or in real life. So Mirrorboy, here's to you mate. Thanks for always being there for me buddy. I miss chatting with you immensely. Even though we haven't spoken in ages, i still think of you often. I love you buddy, and where ever you are and whatever you might be doing i hope you are happy and healthy and on the path to life good life you deserve.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Where did we lose our way?
It was on this day, March 2, way back in 1969 that the most iconic airliner of all time, Concorde, made it's first flight. It is the only aircraft to ever enter regularly scheduled supersonic passenger service, and will likely be the only aircraft to do so. Concorde has it's origins in the late 1950's (!!!) and was under construction as a prototype in the mid 1960's. The SR-71 Blackbird also has it's roots in the 50's and was flying at three and a half times the speed of sound in the early 60's. In July of 1969, NASA landed a man on the moon using a spacecraft that had less computing power than the most basic mobile phones of today, not to mention my iphone.
So why is it that with all our technological advancements we haven't been back to the moon since 1972? Have humans lost all ambition? Sure part of the problem is money. It takes a great deal of cash to get to the moon. But when one looks at all the money governments piss away of utter bullshit, i can't help but think that we as humans would be much farther along in our exploration of space. I mean, who hasn't looked up at the stars and wondered what exactly is out there in the great vastness of space? And if we could get to the moon in 1969, given the rate of advancement of technology, we should be well on our way to developing some means of traveling faster than light and actually exploring whats out there.
But lets go back a step. How is it that in 1969 there was an airliner capable of sustained supersonic flight and today the best we can do is subsonic. Part of it is money again. But there are plenty who are willing to shell out for a flight across the atlantic at more than twice the speed of sound (myself included). But the other part is all the tree huggers and goddamn hippies. "Hey man, you can't fly that thing here, you're ruining my vibe man". All the sniveling whiners complain about the noise. Well, the Concorde didn't go supersonic until it was out over the ocean, so unless your house is in the middle of the Atlantic, shut the fuck up. And fuel consumption/pollution is the other part. Well, unless you don't drive a car and live in the fucking woods without electricity, you're contributing just as much to pollution and energy consumption as anyone, so shut the fuck up.
We have gone from this:
To this:
From a sleek, sexy, fast beauty to a fat, ugly bloated flying goddamn bus. What the fuck?
Such a shame that in this day and age one can't fly supersonic. Now that i have the means to do so, all i can hope is that someday we will find our way once again and we will take a step forward in our advancement instead of a step back.
So why is it that with all our technological advancements we haven't been back to the moon since 1972? Have humans lost all ambition? Sure part of the problem is money. It takes a great deal of cash to get to the moon. But when one looks at all the money governments piss away of utter bullshit, i can't help but think that we as humans would be much farther along in our exploration of space. I mean, who hasn't looked up at the stars and wondered what exactly is out there in the great vastness of space? And if we could get to the moon in 1969, given the rate of advancement of technology, we should be well on our way to developing some means of traveling faster than light and actually exploring whats out there.
But lets go back a step. How is it that in 1969 there was an airliner capable of sustained supersonic flight and today the best we can do is subsonic. Part of it is money again. But there are plenty who are willing to shell out for a flight across the atlantic at more than twice the speed of sound (myself included). But the other part is all the tree huggers and goddamn hippies. "Hey man, you can't fly that thing here, you're ruining my vibe man". All the sniveling whiners complain about the noise. Well, the Concorde didn't go supersonic until it was out over the ocean, so unless your house is in the middle of the Atlantic, shut the fuck up. And fuel consumption/pollution is the other part. Well, unless you don't drive a car and live in the fucking woods without electricity, you're contributing just as much to pollution and energy consumption as anyone, so shut the fuck up.
We have gone from this:
To this:
From a sleek, sexy, fast beauty to a fat, ugly bloated flying goddamn bus. What the fuck?
Such a shame that in this day and age one can't fly supersonic. Now that i have the means to do so, all i can hope is that someday we will find our way once again and we will take a step forward in our advancement instead of a step back.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Oh how i wish i were on Maui...
Yes, this makes two posts in just a few hours. I had meant to put these pics on my previous post detailing my big news, but it took on a life of its own. Anyway, it's cold, windy and raining outside. I like the moody weather the Pacific Northwest offers up for the winter months. But after my trip to Maui last September, i was bit by the tropical paradise bug. Maui is the most beautiful place i have ever been. Heaven on Earth is barely an adequate description. I hope you enjoy this little view of Heaven.
^ The beach in front of our hotel, 50' from my room.
^ Sunset on Kaanapali Beach.
^ Iao Valley.
^ Waihee Beach.
^ The rugged north coast of Maui.
^ The road to Hana.
^ Haleakala National Park.
^ Looking north from the Haleakala summit.
^ Maui's west shore.
^ Lava flow on the south end of Maui.
^ The beach in front of our hotel, 50' from my room.
^ Sunset on Kaanapali Beach.
^ Iao Valley.
^ Waihee Beach.
^ The rugged north coast of Maui.
^ The road to Hana.
^ Haleakala National Park.
^ Looking north from the Haleakala summit.
^ Maui's west shore.
^ Lava flow on the south end of Maui.
The Start Of Something Beautiful
Here we go. I am entering completely foreign territory. I am beginning an exciting yet terrifying phase of my life. Well, i guess it's OUR life now. Yes, E is moving in with me. On Friday last week, he gave notice at his apartment terminating his rental agreement. No going back now.
I'm simultaneously elated and mortified by the prospect of have E move in with me. Obviously, i love him very much or i wouldn't ask him to move in with me. And it should be equally obvious that he loves me very much or he wouldn't have agreed to move in. But for as much as i love him and want to maximize my time spent with him, the pessimist in me keeps injecting doubt into my thought process and making me wonder if this is such a good idea. I am a fairly private person, and something of an introvert. I like my quiet time, going for hikes in the woods and not having anyone around to bother me. People are pests to me. I don't much care for most people. I am antisocial. No offense to any of you, my dear readers. I have people in my life that mean the world to me and without whom things just wouldn't be the same. But lets just say going to a bar and being surrounded by a bunch of drunken idiots that i don't know isn't my idea of fun. I much prefer small gatherings of close knit friends in my own home, or even better, their home. As such, even with people i love dearly, i require a fair amount of personal space sometimes. So how will i adjust to having someone else living in my house with me? How will i adjust to having strangers (E's friends) violating the sanctity of my home? What will i do when i can't come home from a late shift at work and crank my stereo up to 11 and unwind because E is in bed sleeping already?
On the other side of that coin, i am ready to take mine and E's relationship to the next level. I want to start building our life TOGETHER. I want to come home from work and have my loving man there to greet me and give me a kiss. I want to have someone to talk to after a particularly rough day. I want to have someone to keep me warm on cold nights. I want o be able to do all those things for someone as well. So despite my doubts, i still think E moving in is the right decision.
I'm not alone in my trepidation. E has been hurt and betrayed twice before. Once he was left homeless after his crazy boyfriend kicked him out and once he was left with an apartment and bills he couldn't afford on his own after his cheating boyfriend left him all alone. He doesn't want either of those things to happen again. All i can do is assure him i'm not like that, but i'm sure his past boyfriends all said the same thing. And then E's mother (who loves him and cares for him but disapproves of his gay lifestyle "choice") has to interject yet more doubt into his mind. She brings up his forthcoming trip to Rome, and asks what happens if i'm not there for him when he returns, or i decide i don't want him here anymore or if he decides he doesn't want me anymore when he returns? So now he's all freaked out and wondering if he made the right choice by deciding to move in with me where he once was certain he had.
Either way, it's happening. E is moving in with me. I think our mutual uneasiness will prove to be a good thing for us as we will both have greater respect for each others space and boundaries. We have been a couple for almost 14 months. We are nearly an old married couple by gay standards. It hasn't been easy, but we both put in a lot of work in keeping our relationship strong. I think we can do this. I think this is the start of something beautiful.
I'm simultaneously elated and mortified by the prospect of have E move in with me. Obviously, i love him very much or i wouldn't ask him to move in with me. And it should be equally obvious that he loves me very much or he wouldn't have agreed to move in. But for as much as i love him and want to maximize my time spent with him, the pessimist in me keeps injecting doubt into my thought process and making me wonder if this is such a good idea. I am a fairly private person, and something of an introvert. I like my quiet time, going for hikes in the woods and not having anyone around to bother me. People are pests to me. I don't much care for most people. I am antisocial. No offense to any of you, my dear readers. I have people in my life that mean the world to me and without whom things just wouldn't be the same. But lets just say going to a bar and being surrounded by a bunch of drunken idiots that i don't know isn't my idea of fun. I much prefer small gatherings of close knit friends in my own home, or even better, their home. As such, even with people i love dearly, i require a fair amount of personal space sometimes. So how will i adjust to having someone else living in my house with me? How will i adjust to having strangers (E's friends) violating the sanctity of my home? What will i do when i can't come home from a late shift at work and crank my stereo up to 11 and unwind because E is in bed sleeping already?
On the other side of that coin, i am ready to take mine and E's relationship to the next level. I want to start building our life TOGETHER. I want to come home from work and have my loving man there to greet me and give me a kiss. I want to have someone to talk to after a particularly rough day. I want to have someone to keep me warm on cold nights. I want o be able to do all those things for someone as well. So despite my doubts, i still think E moving in is the right decision.
I'm not alone in my trepidation. E has been hurt and betrayed twice before. Once he was left homeless after his crazy boyfriend kicked him out and once he was left with an apartment and bills he couldn't afford on his own after his cheating boyfriend left him all alone. He doesn't want either of those things to happen again. All i can do is assure him i'm not like that, but i'm sure his past boyfriends all said the same thing. And then E's mother (who loves him and cares for him but disapproves of his gay lifestyle "choice") has to interject yet more doubt into his mind. She brings up his forthcoming trip to Rome, and asks what happens if i'm not there for him when he returns, or i decide i don't want him here anymore or if he decides he doesn't want me anymore when he returns? So now he's all freaked out and wondering if he made the right choice by deciding to move in with me where he once was certain he had.
Either way, it's happening. E is moving in with me. I think our mutual uneasiness will prove to be a good thing for us as we will both have greater respect for each others space and boundaries. We have been a couple for almost 14 months. We are nearly an old married couple by gay standards. It hasn't been easy, but we both put in a lot of work in keeping our relationship strong. I think we can do this. I think this is the start of something beautiful.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Still alive???
No, this blog has not been abandoned. I know, it's been nearly three months since my last post. But really, there just hasn't been too much happening. I haven't been inspired to write much either. But, i thought i'd drop in to see if there is still anyone out there who reads this. To be honest, i haven't read a blog in ages. I simply don't have the time these days. I still keep in touch with a few people and think about all the friends i made by blogging often. But everyone grow and moves on it seems.
I want a new car. I love my S5, and my daily driver A4 is a good machine. There are only a few things i want to change about the A4 to make it a car i love. For one, i wish it had all the minor convenience technology goodies such as rain sensing wipers, automatic headlights, auto-dimming mirrors, HID headlights, etc. I also want factory navigation. The little Garmin i have is a piece of shit. Unless one has an actual street address, the thing is fucking useless. The biggest thing i wish my car had is a bigger engine. The 2.0T is strong and has plenty of power, but it sounds cheap. It sounds just like E's little Mazda. Oh well, less than two years left on the lease. I would love an S4, maybe even a BMW 550i Xdrive...
Winter has set in here in the Pacific Northwest. A few weeks ago we were hit with a pretty nasty wind storm. There were sustained wind speeds of 60 mph and gusts to 75 mph in some areas. Getting home was a pain in the ass on that night as there were wide spread power outages and trees and power lines down all over the place. Luckily, i had electricity when i got home from work, which was very surprising. Normally all it takes for my power to go out is for some fat bastard to cut a fart. I've had more power outages in my current home than all the other places i've lived combined, including the tornado prone mid-western United States.
The week of Thanksgiving we were hit with snow. I got about four inches at my house. I hate the fucking snow. Yes it's quite beautiful, but it makes getting around a real fucking headache. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to get home from work, normally al 35 minute trip. It's not my driving ability or my car that are the problem. I learned how to drive in snow and have an all-wheel drive car. I actually find driving in snow sort of fun. But, the vast majority of drivers here can't drive on dry roads, let alone icy, snow covered roads. Far too many people who shouldn't be out on the streets are driving to the mall or the movies on their snow-induced day off from work. I have no choice, i need to go to work. There are no snow days for me. But all the stupid assholes who couldn't make it to work because of the snow seem to be out and about fucking off, getting in my way as i try to get to work. I'm sorry, if the fucking snow prevented you from being productive and going to work, you shouldn't be allowed out of your home unless it's an emergency. If you're able to get to the mall to shop, you should be able to get to work. I'm ready to go back to Maui.
It's not Maui, but i am heading to the Oregon coast in a week and a half for five days. I love the Oregon coast in winter. The cold, crisp sea air, the crashing waves, with howling wind, the moody fog and cloud cover. The place i stay is right on the beach, has a warm gas fireplace and a jetted tub in the room, and a king size bed for cuddling with the boyfriend. I can't wait!
Speaking of the boyfriend, we are talking about him moving in with me finally. I'm both excited and terrified by the prospect. I love him with all my heart, but i've never had a live in boyfriend and am wondering how i will handle having someone here with me 24/7/365. I like to have my space but i also love having him around. Quite the pickle.
E has also been accepted into a foreign study program. This means he will be in Europe for two months and having the time of his life, and i will be left alone. It sucks. I hate the thought of not having him by my side for two solid months. He makes me happy, and on some days he is all i have to get me through. I wonder how i will get by without him to talk to, to hold, to kiss and comfort me. He says "it's only two months, it'll go by fast." Well, sure, for him it will. He will be busy doing things and going wonderful places and seeing all sorts of new things. For me it will be the same old shit, minus the man i love. And i won't be there to kick the asses of all the European boys who will be hitting on him and trying to steal him from me. I trust him 100%, but he is a very sexy guy and i'm sure he will have occasion to be tempted by the fruit of another as it were. And as much as technology will allow us to communicate and see each other visually, it's just not an acceptable substitute for having him here with me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or some such bullshit.
Well, it's 2:30am and i need to get some sleep. Until next time...
I want a new car. I love my S5, and my daily driver A4 is a good machine. There are only a few things i want to change about the A4 to make it a car i love. For one, i wish it had all the minor convenience technology goodies such as rain sensing wipers, automatic headlights, auto-dimming mirrors, HID headlights, etc. I also want factory navigation. The little Garmin i have is a piece of shit. Unless one has an actual street address, the thing is fucking useless. The biggest thing i wish my car had is a bigger engine. The 2.0T is strong and has plenty of power, but it sounds cheap. It sounds just like E's little Mazda. Oh well, less than two years left on the lease. I would love an S4, maybe even a BMW 550i Xdrive...
Winter has set in here in the Pacific Northwest. A few weeks ago we were hit with a pretty nasty wind storm. There were sustained wind speeds of 60 mph and gusts to 75 mph in some areas. Getting home was a pain in the ass on that night as there were wide spread power outages and trees and power lines down all over the place. Luckily, i had electricity when i got home from work, which was very surprising. Normally all it takes for my power to go out is for some fat bastard to cut a fart. I've had more power outages in my current home than all the other places i've lived combined, including the tornado prone mid-western United States.
The week of Thanksgiving we were hit with snow. I got about four inches at my house. I hate the fucking snow. Yes it's quite beautiful, but it makes getting around a real fucking headache. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to get home from work, normally al 35 minute trip. It's not my driving ability or my car that are the problem. I learned how to drive in snow and have an all-wheel drive car. I actually find driving in snow sort of fun. But, the vast majority of drivers here can't drive on dry roads, let alone icy, snow covered roads. Far too many people who shouldn't be out on the streets are driving to the mall or the movies on their snow-induced day off from work. I have no choice, i need to go to work. There are no snow days for me. But all the stupid assholes who couldn't make it to work because of the snow seem to be out and about fucking off, getting in my way as i try to get to work. I'm sorry, if the fucking snow prevented you from being productive and going to work, you shouldn't be allowed out of your home unless it's an emergency. If you're able to get to the mall to shop, you should be able to get to work. I'm ready to go back to Maui.
It's not Maui, but i am heading to the Oregon coast in a week and a half for five days. I love the Oregon coast in winter. The cold, crisp sea air, the crashing waves, with howling wind, the moody fog and cloud cover. The place i stay is right on the beach, has a warm gas fireplace and a jetted tub in the room, and a king size bed for cuddling with the boyfriend. I can't wait!
Speaking of the boyfriend, we are talking about him moving in with me finally. I'm both excited and terrified by the prospect. I love him with all my heart, but i've never had a live in boyfriend and am wondering how i will handle having someone here with me 24/7/365. I like to have my space but i also love having him around. Quite the pickle.
E has also been accepted into a foreign study program. This means he will be in Europe for two months and having the time of his life, and i will be left alone. It sucks. I hate the thought of not having him by my side for two solid months. He makes me happy, and on some days he is all i have to get me through. I wonder how i will get by without him to talk to, to hold, to kiss and comfort me. He says "it's only two months, it'll go by fast." Well, sure, for him it will. He will be busy doing things and going wonderful places and seeing all sorts of new things. For me it will be the same old shit, minus the man i love. And i won't be there to kick the asses of all the European boys who will be hitting on him and trying to steal him from me. I trust him 100%, but he is a very sexy guy and i'm sure he will have occasion to be tempted by the fruit of another as it were. And as much as technology will allow us to communicate and see each other visually, it's just not an acceptable substitute for having him here with me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or some such bullshit.
Well, it's 2:30am and i need to get some sleep. Until next time...
Friday, September 17, 2010
It's been a while...
A very long while. So, how is everyone? Doing well i hope. Things are the same as ever here. This won't be much of a post, as i'm fairly tired. Anywho, i finally broke down and bought a new bicycle. Two of them in fact. First is a Trek 2.1 road bike. It's so light and fast! I took two minutes off my best ride time of last year (when i was in much better shape) on my first ride. I'm hoping to ride in the Seattle to Portland next year. The other new bike is a Trek 6000 mountain bike. Took that bad boy out for a trial run up (and down) a trail on Mount Rainier a few weeks ago. Front suspension and hydraulic disc brakes makes for a sweet riding experience. What an awesome bike!
I'm finishing up my last few days of vacation for the year as i write this. I got home from Maui, Hawaii on Tuesday night. Ugh, it sure sucks donkey balls to be home. This was my first trip to Hawaii. In any event, i am in love with the place. It really is Heaven on Earth. It was in the mid 80's everyday, warm and sunny (i've got a tan for the first time in years) and the ocean was like bath water (unlike the year round frigid water of the ocean near me). I want to go back and never leave. At least i got to fly first class. I drank as many little tiny bottles of booze as i could in the five and a half hours i was on the aircraft. And champagne before departure definitely takes the edge off having to go from paradise.
It has been nearly 11 months since i started dating E. Things are still on track, but i think the novelty is wearing off for him. For example, he doesn't like to cuddle on the couch and watch TV or movies. He prefers to have his "own space". And when i tried to hold his hand the other day he asked me "Aren't you past that yet?". I guess i just need more physical contact than he does. I just wish he'd meet me half way more often instead of turning on the ice machine and playing Mr. Cool. I know we all have different needs, but it sometimes seems like i'm more in love with him than he is with me. I almost feel bad for wanting to cuddle and be close to him when he says he wants space (which is more often than not). I feel like i'm imposing on him or smothering him. But, i still have my needs and i like to be close to him (despite the fact i don't like other people to touch me or hug me or be close to me). I feel comforted when we are close. Oh well, time will tell. I guess we haven't come this far for no reason.
i got a sorta-kinda promotion at work. I haven't decided if i am going to accept it yet though because i will lose a little pay due to the fact i won't be getting Sunday pay or night differential anymore. But, it's a perfect stepping stone to getting into management, so i probably will accept the appointment. After all, if i have to endure some office job for a year or so in order to get into a management spot with a very handsome pay raise, i guess it will be worth it.
Well, i'm beat. Time for bed after a strong drink and a listen to some nice relaxing music (i'm thinking Alkan).
I'm finishing up my last few days of vacation for the year as i write this. I got home from Maui, Hawaii on Tuesday night. Ugh, it sure sucks donkey balls to be home. This was my first trip to Hawaii. In any event, i am in love with the place. It really is Heaven on Earth. It was in the mid 80's everyday, warm and sunny (i've got a tan for the first time in years) and the ocean was like bath water (unlike the year round frigid water of the ocean near me). I want to go back and never leave. At least i got to fly first class. I drank as many little tiny bottles of booze as i could in the five and a half hours i was on the aircraft. And champagne before departure definitely takes the edge off having to go from paradise.
It has been nearly 11 months since i started dating E. Things are still on track, but i think the novelty is wearing off for him. For example, he doesn't like to cuddle on the couch and watch TV or movies. He prefers to have his "own space". And when i tried to hold his hand the other day he asked me "Aren't you past that yet?". I guess i just need more physical contact than he does. I just wish he'd meet me half way more often instead of turning on the ice machine and playing Mr. Cool. I know we all have different needs, but it sometimes seems like i'm more in love with him than he is with me. I almost feel bad for wanting to cuddle and be close to him when he says he wants space (which is more often than not). I feel like i'm imposing on him or smothering him. But, i still have my needs and i like to be close to him (despite the fact i don't like other people to touch me or hug me or be close to me). I feel comforted when we are close. Oh well, time will tell. I guess we haven't come this far for no reason.
i got a sorta-kinda promotion at work. I haven't decided if i am going to accept it yet though because i will lose a little pay due to the fact i won't be getting Sunday pay or night differential anymore. But, it's a perfect stepping stone to getting into management, so i probably will accept the appointment. After all, if i have to endure some office job for a year or so in order to get into a management spot with a very handsome pay raise, i guess it will be worth it.
Well, i'm beat. Time for bed after a strong drink and a listen to some nice relaxing music (i'm thinking Alkan).
Monday, June 21, 2010
People are stupid.
Not all of them, mind you. But most. Why do i say this you ask? Well, i'll tell you. Some punk ass bitch on a rice burning crotch rocket was apparently too busy eyeing up the skeezy ho across the street from him to see my highly illuminated (i mean, the fucking thing has two strips of LED running lights, HID headlamps, fog lamps, side markers, LED turn signals in the side mirrors, etc.) car making a legal turn in front of him and decided to impress said skeez ho by gunning his sewing machine with wheels and plowing into the side of my car. The same car i waited four months for after my previous car was totaled last year by another oxygen thieving co-inhabitant of our lovely little planet. And even though i had the right of way, and had signaled my intentions, and was fully stopped in the center turn lane directly in front of the mouth breather who hit me for a good 30 seconds before commencing my turn and saw his dumb ass sitting there the entire time, the lazy, needle-dicked donut eating prick of a cop who finally arrived at the scene to take names and statements didn't issue the moron who hit me a citation for failure to yield! Cops are useless.
Other than that, nothing much new going on. E and i are fighting like cats and dogs lately and i don't know why. I don't like most of his friends, yet i attend functions and parties where the majority of the people there are his friends. So even though i'm only going because he wants to go, he gets pissed at me because i'm not having a good time. He gets pissed at me when he asks why i'm not having a good time and i tell him it's because most of the people i'm surrounded by are burned out druggies/ex-druggies who do nothing but stay at home in their government funded housing and smoke pot and collect their welfare checks and don't actually contribute anything to society. Nothing wrong with smoking pot, but at least have a fucking job and be able to support your habit so i don't have to. And the ones who do have jobs are still a drag on society and don't even come close to contributing to the system anything near what they take from it. I like a couple of his friends just fine. They are fun and kind and caring people. He gets pissed when i'm irritated and stressed out and bitch about having to go to work and pay taxes and deal with the lazy, stupid people that infest our country. Well, excuse me Mr. I-can-smoke-pot-and-am-not-subject-to-random-drug-screenings-and-am-all-mellowed-out. I don't have the luxury of being able to roll a fatty and get stoned to mellow out after a long, hard day. And what do you have to be stressed out about anyway? You work part time for your internship, have everything taken care of for you by me, your grants and the Bank of Mom and Dad and don't have any real expenses or worries. I love you dearly, but you really need a reality check.
Meh, this is turning into a real bitchfest. Guess i'll wrap it up, have a drink and come on back when i have something nice to say.
Other than that, nothing much new going on. E and i are fighting like cats and dogs lately and i don't know why. I don't like most of his friends, yet i attend functions and parties where the majority of the people there are his friends. So even though i'm only going because he wants to go, he gets pissed at me because i'm not having a good time. He gets pissed at me when he asks why i'm not having a good time and i tell him it's because most of the people i'm surrounded by are burned out druggies/ex-druggies who do nothing but stay at home in their government funded housing and smoke pot and collect their welfare checks and don't actually contribute anything to society. Nothing wrong with smoking pot, but at least have a fucking job and be able to support your habit so i don't have to. And the ones who do have jobs are still a drag on society and don't even come close to contributing to the system anything near what they take from it. I like a couple of his friends just fine. They are fun and kind and caring people. He gets pissed when i'm irritated and stressed out and bitch about having to go to work and pay taxes and deal with the lazy, stupid people that infest our country. Well, excuse me Mr. I-can-smoke-pot-and-am-not-subject-to-random-drug-screenings-and-am-all-mellowed-out. I don't have the luxury of being able to roll a fatty and get stoned to mellow out after a long, hard day. And what do you have to be stressed out about anyway? You work part time for your internship, have everything taken care of for you by me, your grants and the Bank of Mom and Dad and don't have any real expenses or worries. I love you dearly, but you really need a reality check.
Meh, this is turning into a real bitchfest. Guess i'll wrap it up, have a drink and come on back when i have something nice to say.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
All the news that is news.
Hello everybody. It's been a while since i last posted. But honestly, there isn't really too much worth mentioning going on lately. Work is getting increasingly annoying. Since changing crews in March, it's been a constant struggle forcing myself out of bed (even if it is at one in the afternoon). My God, some of the people i work work are far beyond annoying. They are intolerable. I hate going to work. Management on this side of the crew is no better. They micromanage to excess. Ugh... On a better note, i interviewed for the management position i applied for. I think i did fairly well, and sounded confident when being asked all sorts of ridiculous questions. Even better, only five people applied for the position. So, i have a 20 percent chance of getting the job right off the bat. Besides the prospect of promotion, about the only thing i like about work anymore (since all my work friends are on opposite schedules now) is training. I am an instructor at work and really like being able to teach new people how to do the job. Not to sound to conceited, but i am very good at my job. I think thats why i am so unhappy. It's just become incredibly boring. Once in a while, something interesting happens and i have to act fast to keep the situation under control, but most of the time its routine. Oh well, perhaps i'll get the promotion and will have something else to keep me entertained at work for a while.
One thing that really grates on me lately is this bullshit "click it or ticket" seat belt campaign. Yeah, it's been going on for a while in my state, and really isn't anything new. But when i hear the fucking cops whine about not having enough officers to adequately patrol and enforce meaningful laws and protect the citizens of their state, county, municipality, etc. one moment, and i see a TV ad the next telling me how the lazy pigs are stepping up patrols to specifically target people who aren't wearing their seat belts, i get kind of pissed off. I mean seriously, are there not more serious crimes the goddamn fucking cops should be concerned with? I guess there is very little risk in pulling over a soccer mom driving a mini van who isn't wearing her seat belt when compared to hunting down dangerous, armed criminals like murderers and rapists and child molesters. But hey, as long as the pigs are safe and sound passing out tickets for seat belt infractions, and the ticket revenue keeps pouring in to financially irresponsible government agencies who can't seem to make due with the already excessive taxation they impose upon their citizens, what does it matter if actual criminals who pose a risk to someone other to themselves are running around free?
*deep breath*
I've got tickets to see "Fiddler On The Roof" this Friday. That should be a lot of fun, as i've never seen a live theater production before, with the exception of a local production of "Jesus Christ Superstar" a long time ago. I bought the tickets as a surprise for E for our six month anniversary. He had mentioned that he liked this show and when i saw that it was coming to town, i scooped up some great seats. Needless to say, E is very excited.
Speaking of E, we are celebrating seven months together next week. Time sure flies when one is having fun! I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but i really do love him more with each passing day. Sure, we have our arguments about things, but we always make up quickly and move on. We both have our own set of issues that we are working through, and we are patient with each other and willing to stick it out and make things work. I am so eternally grateful for him, it literally renders me speechless sometimes.
E has got me hooked on a TV series called "Mad Men". It's basically a drama about the lives of advertising executives set in the early 1960's. E bought the first season on DVD at a going out of business sale at a local video store and we were both hooked from the first few episodes. I went out and bought seasons two and three and we are half way through season two after only one weekend. What happens next? I can't wait to find out! What really worries me is this...what happens when i run out of DVD's? Eeeek! I'd rather not think about it...
It would appear that April showers only bring May showers. I am ready for sun! I am way out of shape. I took a bike ride for the first time in a few weeks a couple of days ago and i was really slow. I did make it the full 21 miles of my standard route, but it took me 10 minutes longer and i was 4 MPH slower on average. I deffo need to ride more, and i am still in need of a new road bike. I'm thinking the Trek Madone 4.7. I also want to upgrade my mountain bike to something with front suspension, maybe even full suspension. I took E to Mount Rainier last weekend for a 10 mile hike. It was wonderful. I love Mount Rainier. One of my favorite places. Lucky for me, E likes hiking. But, E is used to hiking in more urban settings such as large city parks with unpaved trails. So, this was fun for him even though he was a bit unprepared for the difficulty of the hike. I admit, i'm a bit out of shape too, so this was a good warm up for some epic hikes this summer.
Well, i've taken up enough of your valuable time with my long winded, half-psychotic ramblings. Hope everything is fine and well for all of you out there! See you again soon.
Oh yeah, how fucking cool is this gonna be?!?!?!
One thing that really grates on me lately is this bullshit "click it or ticket" seat belt campaign. Yeah, it's been going on for a while in my state, and really isn't anything new. But when i hear the fucking cops whine about not having enough officers to adequately patrol and enforce meaningful laws and protect the citizens of their state, county, municipality, etc. one moment, and i see a TV ad the next telling me how the lazy pigs are stepping up patrols to specifically target people who aren't wearing their seat belts, i get kind of pissed off. I mean seriously, are there not more serious crimes the goddamn fucking cops should be concerned with? I guess there is very little risk in pulling over a soccer mom driving a mini van who isn't wearing her seat belt when compared to hunting down dangerous, armed criminals like murderers and rapists and child molesters. But hey, as long as the pigs are safe and sound passing out tickets for seat belt infractions, and the ticket revenue keeps pouring in to financially irresponsible government agencies who can't seem to make due with the already excessive taxation they impose upon their citizens, what does it matter if actual criminals who pose a risk to someone other to themselves are running around free?
*deep breath*
I've got tickets to see "Fiddler On The Roof" this Friday. That should be a lot of fun, as i've never seen a live theater production before, with the exception of a local production of "Jesus Christ Superstar" a long time ago. I bought the tickets as a surprise for E for our six month anniversary. He had mentioned that he liked this show and when i saw that it was coming to town, i scooped up some great seats. Needless to say, E is very excited.
Speaking of E, we are celebrating seven months together next week. Time sure flies when one is having fun! I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but i really do love him more with each passing day. Sure, we have our arguments about things, but we always make up quickly and move on. We both have our own set of issues that we are working through, and we are patient with each other and willing to stick it out and make things work. I am so eternally grateful for him, it literally renders me speechless sometimes.
E has got me hooked on a TV series called "Mad Men". It's basically a drama about the lives of advertising executives set in the early 1960's. E bought the first season on DVD at a going out of business sale at a local video store and we were both hooked from the first few episodes. I went out and bought seasons two and three and we are half way through season two after only one weekend. What happens next? I can't wait to find out! What really worries me is this...what happens when i run out of DVD's? Eeeek! I'd rather not think about it...
It would appear that April showers only bring May showers. I am ready for sun! I am way out of shape. I took a bike ride for the first time in a few weeks a couple of days ago and i was really slow. I did make it the full 21 miles of my standard route, but it took me 10 minutes longer and i was 4 MPH slower on average. I deffo need to ride more, and i am still in need of a new road bike. I'm thinking the Trek Madone 4.7. I also want to upgrade my mountain bike to something with front suspension, maybe even full suspension. I took E to Mount Rainier last weekend for a 10 mile hike. It was wonderful. I love Mount Rainier. One of my favorite places. Lucky for me, E likes hiking. But, E is used to hiking in more urban settings such as large city parks with unpaved trails. So, this was fun for him even though he was a bit unprepared for the difficulty of the hike. I admit, i'm a bit out of shape too, so this was a good warm up for some epic hikes this summer.
Well, i've taken up enough of your valuable time with my long winded, half-psychotic ramblings. Hope everything is fine and well for all of you out there! See you again soon.
Oh yeah, how fucking cool is this gonna be?!?!?!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Some really random shit.
Some days, i seriously question why i even bother getting out of bed. This whole week has been like that. Just a miserable son-of-a-bitch. Goes back to last Saturday i guess...
My boyfriend is still in college. He got laid off from his job a few years ago and took the opportunity to go back to school. Good for him. Really. I did the same thing. Only i quit a perfectly good job to go back to school and pursue a new career (which pays really well, but bores the living shit out of me these days and puts too many restrictions on what i can do with my personal life, i.e random drug tests, can't get treated for certain medical conditions). But i digress... Anyway, as a full time college student at a highly regarded university, E doesn't have much in the way of free time. I am lucky to have him for the little time i do on Friday nights and Saturdays. Well, most of Saturday now. His latest school project has him doing all sorts of crazy shit schedule wise and now he needs 5 hours out of Saturday to do this stuff for school. Fucking great. I don't get to see him all goddamn week and the ONE FUCKING DAY i should be able to spend time with him is now occupied by his school work. I guess i'm being a bit selfish, but FUCK. I work my ass off all week long, earning a living so i can have nice stuff and buy nice stuff for E and provide a secure future for the both of us, and now i can't even have one goddamn fucking day to spend with the man i love? Jesus Christ on a crutch. How frustrating.
I think i mentioned in a previous post how i took new days off (actual weekends off for once) in order to spend more time with E. See how that's backfired on me... What really annoys me isn't that he's gone five fucking hours out of the one day a week i get with him, but rather we can't plan a fucking thing to do. Can't plan an overnight trip, can't go for a hike (i mean the time he needs is from 11am until about 4pm, right in the middle of the goddamn day for fuck sake), can't go for a day trip, can't do a fucking thing. And come Sunday morning, POOF!!! he's gone for another week and i'm left wondering what the fuck.
On an unrelated note, E says i swear too much. Especially the "F" bomb. I wonder what the fuck he's talking about....
Anywho, i guess i just needed to vent. I know he's only doing what he needs to do. But what about me? I don't get any time with my man, i don't get to de-stress from the Hell that my job has become (unless you count the vast quantities of liquor i now consume), and i go back to work the next week more stressed out than i was the previous week.
My job is high stress (and those of you who know what i do will know what i mean). But despite it's stress levels, it bores me to death. Its always the same old shit. And not to blow my own horn, but i'm really good at what i do and it's really quite easy for me. This one does this, that one does that, everyone lives. But should i fuck up... Not that i would ever fuck up. So, i am an instructor at work. I warp young, impressionable minds into twisted voids of insanity. I really enjoy teaching. It's the only thing i like about my job anymore, and even it is becoming stale. So, i did the unthinkable...i bid on a management position. Yep, i'm now a traitor in the eyes of my peers. But fuck them anyway, i'll be the one laughing when i get the $30k a year pay increase AND get to tell them what to do!
Still, i wonder if i will be happy with that for long. I seem to get bored easily and need something new relatively frequently. But with all the bullshit of my job, i still can't have any real fun in my free time because of all the restrictions my job places on my personal life. It really annoys me that i can't have any fun, especially considering E smokes pot on occasion. I want to be able to have that to share with him. And my stupid fucking job won't let me. With the stress levels my job provides me, smoking a joint now and then would probably really do me some good. I'd probably drink a lot less. Time to find a new career. One that pays six figures and gives me some personal freedoms.
Depression has really been fucking with me lately. Yet another "benefit" of my job...just being diagnosed as "depressed" would cost me my employment, and forget about getting treatment. So, i get to suffer. E has mild depression (who doesn't these days), but my condition is a bit more serious than just being depressed. Both he and i have self diagnosed me with something more than just depression. Again, i lose my job if my employer finds out. Maybe i shouldn't be talking about this here... Whatever. You guys won't tattle on me, will you. But i do have one blessing. E. He loves me despite my condition and the mood swings and the shit i put him through from time to time. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that. He loves me. No matter what.
Well, if that isn't a random ass collection of thoughts, i don't know what is.
By the way, FUCK YOU, COMCAST!!! LICK MY FUCKING BALLS!!! I'M SICK OF PAYING GOOD FUCKING MONEY FOR YOUR SHITTY SERVICE!!! Oh, sorry, XFINITY. Whatever. You still FUCKING SUCK! Come on people, It's 2010. Getting reliable cable TV, internet and phone service shouldn't be such a problem. You wouldn't believe how often my cable goes out, or my phone, or perhaps worst of all, my internet. Good fucking God. What brought that on you ask? My cable is out AGAIN!!! The second time tonight. and when you call to ask why your $70/month cable TV is out for the second time in one evening? That's right, no dial tone on my phone. Lucky i still have internet, for now. This shit is enough to piss off the Pope.
OK, i'm having a bad day, can't you tell??? Sorry for being so grouchy. I hope it was at least amusing.
Oh yeah, i gave E a key to my house. I'm thinking of asking him to move in with me soon (especially considering that he lives in a shitty neighbourhood and i worry about him). BIG step, kind of scares me...
Until next time...
P.S. (Who actually reads this shit anyway? Should i even bother writhing this blog anymore?)
My boyfriend is still in college. He got laid off from his job a few years ago and took the opportunity to go back to school. Good for him. Really. I did the same thing. Only i quit a perfectly good job to go back to school and pursue a new career (which pays really well, but bores the living shit out of me these days and puts too many restrictions on what i can do with my personal life, i.e random drug tests, can't get treated for certain medical conditions). But i digress... Anyway, as a full time college student at a highly regarded university, E doesn't have much in the way of free time. I am lucky to have him for the little time i do on Friday nights and Saturdays. Well, most of Saturday now. His latest school project has him doing all sorts of crazy shit schedule wise and now he needs 5 hours out of Saturday to do this stuff for school. Fucking great. I don't get to see him all goddamn week and the ONE FUCKING DAY i should be able to spend time with him is now occupied by his school work. I guess i'm being a bit selfish, but FUCK. I work my ass off all week long, earning a living so i can have nice stuff and buy nice stuff for E and provide a secure future for the both of us, and now i can't even have one goddamn fucking day to spend with the man i love? Jesus Christ on a crutch. How frustrating.
I think i mentioned in a previous post how i took new days off (actual weekends off for once) in order to spend more time with E. See how that's backfired on me... What really annoys me isn't that he's gone five fucking hours out of the one day a week i get with him, but rather we can't plan a fucking thing to do. Can't plan an overnight trip, can't go for a hike (i mean the time he needs is from 11am until about 4pm, right in the middle of the goddamn day for fuck sake), can't go for a day trip, can't do a fucking thing. And come Sunday morning, POOF!!! he's gone for another week and i'm left wondering what the fuck.
On an unrelated note, E says i swear too much. Especially the "F" bomb. I wonder what the fuck he's talking about....
Anywho, i guess i just needed to vent. I know he's only doing what he needs to do. But what about me? I don't get any time with my man, i don't get to de-stress from the Hell that my job has become (unless you count the vast quantities of liquor i now consume), and i go back to work the next week more stressed out than i was the previous week.
My job is high stress (and those of you who know what i do will know what i mean). But despite it's stress levels, it bores me to death. Its always the same old shit. And not to blow my own horn, but i'm really good at what i do and it's really quite easy for me. This one does this, that one does that, everyone lives. But should i fuck up... Not that i would ever fuck up. So, i am an instructor at work. I warp young, impressionable minds into twisted voids of insanity. I really enjoy teaching. It's the only thing i like about my job anymore, and even it is becoming stale. So, i did the unthinkable...i bid on a management position. Yep, i'm now a traitor in the eyes of my peers. But fuck them anyway, i'll be the one laughing when i get the $30k a year pay increase AND get to tell them what to do!
Still, i wonder if i will be happy with that for long. I seem to get bored easily and need something new relatively frequently. But with all the bullshit of my job, i still can't have any real fun in my free time because of all the restrictions my job places on my personal life. It really annoys me that i can't have any fun, especially considering E smokes pot on occasion. I want to be able to have that to share with him. And my stupid fucking job won't let me. With the stress levels my job provides me, smoking a joint now and then would probably really do me some good. I'd probably drink a lot less. Time to find a new career. One that pays six figures and gives me some personal freedoms.
Depression has really been fucking with me lately. Yet another "benefit" of my job...just being diagnosed as "depressed" would cost me my employment, and forget about getting treatment. So, i get to suffer. E has mild depression (who doesn't these days), but my condition is a bit more serious than just being depressed. Both he and i have self diagnosed me with something more than just depression. Again, i lose my job if my employer finds out. Maybe i shouldn't be talking about this here... Whatever. You guys won't tattle on me, will you. But i do have one blessing. E. He loves me despite my condition and the mood swings and the shit i put him through from time to time. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that. He loves me. No matter what.
Well, if that isn't a random ass collection of thoughts, i don't know what is.
By the way, FUCK YOU, COMCAST!!! LICK MY FUCKING BALLS!!! I'M SICK OF PAYING GOOD FUCKING MONEY FOR YOUR SHITTY SERVICE!!! Oh, sorry, XFINITY. Whatever. You still FUCKING SUCK! Come on people, It's 2010. Getting reliable cable TV, internet and phone service shouldn't be such a problem. You wouldn't believe how often my cable goes out, or my phone, or perhaps worst of all, my internet. Good fucking God. What brought that on you ask? My cable is out AGAIN!!! The second time tonight. and when you call to ask why your $70/month cable TV is out for the second time in one evening? That's right, no dial tone on my phone. Lucky i still have internet, for now. This shit is enough to piss off the Pope.
OK, i'm having a bad day, can't you tell??? Sorry for being so grouchy. I hope it was at least amusing.
Oh yeah, i gave E a key to my house. I'm thinking of asking him to move in with me soon (especially considering that he lives in a shitty neighbourhood and i worry about him). BIG step, kind of scares me...
Until next time...
P.S. (Who actually reads this shit anyway? Should i even bother writhing this blog anymore?)
Monday, April 5, 2010
Awesome.
Awesome is the only word i can think of to describe the Muse concert i attended last Friday. Even if viewed from a purely musical standpoint, the performance was awesome. Such incredible song writing and arranging skills, and spot on musicianship are rarely seen in artists these days. The songs inspire and make one move and think and emote. But it wasn't just great songs played well (although Muse have great songs and play them well). It was the show. Brilliant use of green lasers and multi-colored LED spotlights and other lighting combined with the stage set (three sky scraper platforms that descend into the stage). My seats weren't the best (even though i bought them pre-sale, the best i could get was second level at some odd angle to the stage...pre-sale is a crock of shit). Despite the less than great seats, the mix wasn't too bad and the volume of the PA was loud but not deafening or harsh. Muse opened with "Uprising", possibly one of their best songs ever and played a good mix of songs from albums old and new alike. The Silversun Pickups opened for Muse and were just amazing to see live too.
I missed the first song from the Silversun Pickups as traffic getting to the venue was as fucked as i'd ever seen Seattle traffic. It took a full half an hour to travel just two miles. Of course, asshole drivers zipping past the line of cars patiently waiting their turn to exit the freeway and going to the head of the line and stopping traffic until someone let them in didn't help matters any. One stupid asshole found out he was fucking with the wrong fag. The guy almost hit my car as he was trying to weasel his way in front of me just a couple car lengths from the end of the exit lane. I held my ground and he had to get behind me. He then had the balls to roll his window down and shout something to me about being a stupid fag, blah blah blah. Seeing as how traffic wasn't moving anyway, i took the opportunity to calmly put my car in park, get out and ask this prick just what the FUCK his problem was. I stated that if he wished to spend the next few weeks in a hospital bed recovering from untold injuries, that he should by all means continue his present course of action. If, however, he wanted to spend his weekend breathing unassisted and moving under his own power, that he should offer and immediate apology. I said all of this in a fairly calm and cool tone of voice. This obviously had an effect on him, as he was stammering out his apology giving excuses as to why he was acting like such a prick within half a second of me ending my little speech. I was back in my car and on my merry way and i didn't even hold up traffic. The idiot kept about five car lengths back even though we were only traveling at half a mile an hour. Eventually, some other cars merged from another lane and i didn't see him again. It felt good to put this prick in his place.
I met the boyfriends psycho Christian parents for the first time on Sunday. He invited me over (with their permission) for Easter dinner. His parents are really nice people, but they don't much like gays and aren't really thrilled that their son is gay. My bf was REALLY stressed about the whole thing because of how past boyfriends have been received by his parents. But, things went fairly well and he said that his parents actually like me, despite the fact i get gay with their son. Maybe it's because i'm not a bum and have real career unlike bf's past. The food was really great too. His dad is an exceptional cook. But i was a bit nervous after hearing horror stories about how things have gone with past bf's. But he seems to think things are OK with the parents this time. He also seems to think this is a huge step in our relationship as well, as he said he has only ever brought home guys he is really serious about. He sent me a text after i took him home to tell me just how much he loves me and that he loves me no matter what. That made me happy. He also said he misses me already, even though we had only been apart for about 45 minutes. I miss him too...
Sunday also marked five months that i have been seeing my bf. Wow. Has it really been five months?! We are practically an old married couple in terms of gay relationships. There has been some talk about moving in together in the not too distant future. I'm a little scared about that honestly. I'm happy about having him around all the time, but that's a huge step. And he's my first real boyfriend. So, first time having a live in boyfriend is spooky. I am scared about him being my first serious relationship too. I wonder if that concerns him? I wonder if he worries that i will get bored with him and want to try something new with someone else. I of course won't do that. I love him so much i don't have the words to express it. I am concerned too, because everyone always warns me about not going to crazy over the first guy i fall in love with, that first relationships never last. I think they're wrong and i would be perfectly happy with him for the rest of my life. I mean, anyone who knows just how fucked up i am and STILL loves me? He's deffo a keeper!
Well, this has been long winded enough. Time to sign off. I hope you all had a nice Easter.
Until next time...
I missed the first song from the Silversun Pickups as traffic getting to the venue was as fucked as i'd ever seen Seattle traffic. It took a full half an hour to travel just two miles. Of course, asshole drivers zipping past the line of cars patiently waiting their turn to exit the freeway and going to the head of the line and stopping traffic until someone let them in didn't help matters any. One stupid asshole found out he was fucking with the wrong fag. The guy almost hit my car as he was trying to weasel his way in front of me just a couple car lengths from the end of the exit lane. I held my ground and he had to get behind me. He then had the balls to roll his window down and shout something to me about being a stupid fag, blah blah blah. Seeing as how traffic wasn't moving anyway, i took the opportunity to calmly put my car in park, get out and ask this prick just what the FUCK his problem was. I stated that if he wished to spend the next few weeks in a hospital bed recovering from untold injuries, that he should by all means continue his present course of action. If, however, he wanted to spend his weekend breathing unassisted and moving under his own power, that he should offer and immediate apology. I said all of this in a fairly calm and cool tone of voice. This obviously had an effect on him, as he was stammering out his apology giving excuses as to why he was acting like such a prick within half a second of me ending my little speech. I was back in my car and on my merry way and i didn't even hold up traffic. The idiot kept about five car lengths back even though we were only traveling at half a mile an hour. Eventually, some other cars merged from another lane and i didn't see him again. It felt good to put this prick in his place.
I met the boyfriends psycho Christian parents for the first time on Sunday. He invited me over (with their permission) for Easter dinner. His parents are really nice people, but they don't much like gays and aren't really thrilled that their son is gay. My bf was REALLY stressed about the whole thing because of how past boyfriends have been received by his parents. But, things went fairly well and he said that his parents actually like me, despite the fact i get gay with their son. Maybe it's because i'm not a bum and have real career unlike bf's past. The food was really great too. His dad is an exceptional cook. But i was a bit nervous after hearing horror stories about how things have gone with past bf's. But he seems to think things are OK with the parents this time. He also seems to think this is a huge step in our relationship as well, as he said he has only ever brought home guys he is really serious about. He sent me a text after i took him home to tell me just how much he loves me and that he loves me no matter what. That made me happy. He also said he misses me already, even though we had only been apart for about 45 minutes. I miss him too...
Sunday also marked five months that i have been seeing my bf. Wow. Has it really been five months?! We are practically an old married couple in terms of gay relationships. There has been some talk about moving in together in the not too distant future. I'm a little scared about that honestly. I'm happy about having him around all the time, but that's a huge step. And he's my first real boyfriend. So, first time having a live in boyfriend is spooky. I am scared about him being my first serious relationship too. I wonder if that concerns him? I wonder if he worries that i will get bored with him and want to try something new with someone else. I of course won't do that. I love him so much i don't have the words to express it. I am concerned too, because everyone always warns me about not going to crazy over the first guy i fall in love with, that first relationships never last. I think they're wrong and i would be perfectly happy with him for the rest of my life. I mean, anyone who knows just how fucked up i am and STILL loves me? He's deffo a keeper!
Well, this has been long winded enough. Time to sign off. I hope you all had a nice Easter.
Until next time...
Thursday, April 1, 2010
As promised....
Here are your pictures from my trip. I took several hundred photos, so this is a very small sampling of what i took. Naturally, i'm keeping the best ones for myself. I mean, i can't have my best photos out there for people to steal off the interwebs. And yes, these are my photos, so no use of the photos i post on this blog by anyone, anywhere without my permission. I'm a greedy, selfish bastard, aren't i? That is, assuming anyone would want to use my photos. At any rate, the trip was fantastic. I really didn't want to leave. The bf and i had a great time, and it was so wonderful to have him all to myself for almost a week. I'm a bit buzzed as i write this, so i hope i don't get too carried away. Being back "home" really sucks. I fucking hate it here. The crowds, the prickish people, all of it. And i fucking hate going to work every day. The politics and bullshit really wear me down and depress me. Yeah, depression is still a problem despite having a wonderful boyfriend who loves me. He knows about my depression and sticks with me despite my periodic moodiness and melancholy. I feel so bad for putting him through what i do, but i can't help who i am. Despite it all, he loves and accepts me good and bad alike. What a blessing he is. I only wish my job would allow me to get treatment for my depression. But alas, even the diagnosis of depression would spell the end of my career (my work is dependent upon me keeping a medical clearance and depression is disqualifying). Too bad they do random drug testing too. I'm sure smoking pot would help correct my various conditions.
Windows Vista is a steaming pile of shit. I have Windows 7 on my desktop (better than Vista, but still not great), and my main laptop is a Mac (as will be every new computer i buy from now on). But my old laptop ran Vista. I fucking hate it. So, i finally put to use the unlimited license copy of Windows XP i've had sitting around for a couple of years (i got it from a friend who got it from sources who shall remain nameless lol). Yes, it's genuine. And legal. I installed it on my old laptop. What a bitch. I had to change some obscure setting in the BIOS in order for set-up to recognize my hard drive and install XP. I hate Hewlett Packard, as they do everything in their power to make sure you can't do anything to the computer you bought from them other than re-install the factory OS and software. It took me for fucking ever to hunt down drivers for my installed hardware that was compatible with Windows XP (fucking HP only offers drivers for Vista on their website). But fuck them, i'm a determined mother fucker. I am now running Windows XP without all the bullshit software and garbage HP insists on dumping on consumers. This old laptop rocks now! Soooooo fast and *SHOCK* it doesn't crash every two minutes.
I'm going to see Muse on Friday!!! Should be absolutely amazing! And the Silversun Pickups are opening! BONUS!!! I love them too!
But i digress... Here are the photos at last. Let me know what you think, won't you?
^ Haystack Rock at Cannon Beach from my balcony
^ Giant tree (6 feet in diameter) fallen across my hiking trail
^ Neahkahnie Mountain (and the Pacific Ocean) as viewed from the trail
^ The view from atop Neahkahnie Mountain
^ The Oregon Coast from atop Neahkahnie Mountain
^ Sunset at Cannon Beach
Windows Vista is a steaming pile of shit. I have Windows 7 on my desktop (better than Vista, but still not great), and my main laptop is a Mac (as will be every new computer i buy from now on). But my old laptop ran Vista. I fucking hate it. So, i finally put to use the unlimited license copy of Windows XP i've had sitting around for a couple of years (i got it from a friend who got it from sources who shall remain nameless lol). Yes, it's genuine. And legal. I installed it on my old laptop. What a bitch. I had to change some obscure setting in the BIOS in order for set-up to recognize my hard drive and install XP. I hate Hewlett Packard, as they do everything in their power to make sure you can't do anything to the computer you bought from them other than re-install the factory OS and software. It took me for fucking ever to hunt down drivers for my installed hardware that was compatible with Windows XP (fucking HP only offers drivers for Vista on their website). But fuck them, i'm a determined mother fucker. I am now running Windows XP without all the bullshit software and garbage HP insists on dumping on consumers. This old laptop rocks now! Soooooo fast and *SHOCK* it doesn't crash every two minutes.
I'm going to see Muse on Friday!!! Should be absolutely amazing! And the Silversun Pickups are opening! BONUS!!! I love them too!
But i digress... Here are the photos at last. Let me know what you think, won't you?
^ Haystack Rock at Cannon Beach from my balcony
^ Giant tree (6 feet in diameter) fallen across my hiking trail
^ Neahkahnie Mountain (and the Pacific Ocean) as viewed from the trail
^ The view from atop Neahkahnie Mountain
^ The Oregon Coast from atop Neahkahnie Mountain
^ Sunset at Cannon Beach
Friday, March 19, 2010
Oh yeah...
I almost forgot. March 15th marked one year I have been writing this little blog. Woot. And today (March 19th) is the one year mark for my coming out. It was one year ago today that I first came out to someone I knew personally in real life. I've come pretty far in a year. I'd write more, but I'm writing this on my iPod touch and I'm tired and not too many people will read it anyway lol. Cheers!
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