The Start Of Something Beautiful

Here we go. I am entering completely foreign territory. I am beginning an exciting yet terrifying phase of my life. Well, i guess it's OUR life now. Yes, E is moving in with me. On Friday last week, he gave notice at his apartment terminating his rental agreement. No going back now.

I'm simultaneously elated and mortified by the prospect of have E move in with me. Obviously, i love him very much or i wouldn't ask him to move in with me. And it should be equally obvious that he loves me very much or he wouldn't have agreed to move in. But for as much as i love him and want to maximize my time spent with him, the pessimist in me keeps injecting doubt into my thought process and making me wonder if this is such a good idea. I am a fairly private person, and something of an introvert. I like my quiet time, going for hikes in the woods and not having anyone around to bother me. People are pests to me. I don't much care for most people. I am antisocial. No offense to any of you, my dear readers. I have people in my life that mean the world to me and without whom things just wouldn't be the same. But lets just say going to a bar and being surrounded by a bunch of drunken idiots that i don't know isn't my idea of fun. I much prefer small gatherings of close knit friends in my own home, or even better, their home. As such, even with people i love dearly, i require a fair amount of personal space sometimes. So how will i adjust to having someone else living in my house with me? How will i adjust to having strangers (E's friends) violating the sanctity of my home? What will i do when i can't come home from a late shift at work and crank my stereo up to 11 and unwind because E is in bed sleeping already?

On the other side of that coin, i am ready to take mine and E's relationship to the next level. I want to start building our life TOGETHER. I want to come home from work and have my loving man there to greet me and give me a kiss. I want to have someone to talk to after a particularly rough day. I want to have someone to keep me warm on cold nights. I want o be able to do all those things for someone as well. So despite my doubts, i still think E moving in is the right decision.

I'm not alone in my trepidation. E has been hurt and betrayed twice before. Once he was left homeless after his crazy boyfriend kicked him out and once he was left with an apartment and bills he couldn't afford on his own after his cheating boyfriend left him all alone. He doesn't want either of those things to happen again. All i can do is assure him i'm not like that, but i'm sure his past boyfriends all said the same thing. And then E's mother (who loves him and cares for him but disapproves of his gay lifestyle "choice") has to interject yet more doubt into his mind. She brings up his forthcoming trip to Rome, and asks what happens if i'm not there for him when he returns, or i decide i don't want him here anymore or if he decides he doesn't want me anymore when he returns? So now he's all freaked out and wondering if he made the right choice by deciding to move in with me where he once was certain he had.

Either way, it's happening. E is moving in with me. I think our mutual uneasiness will prove to be a good thing for us as we will both have greater respect for each others space and boundaries. We have been a couple for almost 14 months. We are nearly an old married couple by gay standards. It hasn't been easy, but we both put in a lot of work in keeping our relationship strong. I think we can do this. I think this is the start of something beautiful.