All the news that is news.

Hi everyone. I haven't had much time for blogging lately, but have been reading what i can, when i can. So, just because i haven't been commenting much doesn't mean i'm not reading your blog. Now that summer is here, i have been outside taking bike rides a lot more frequently and taking walks, etc. OMG...there are well loads of fit guys out there running and biking, and such. Opportunities to purve abound. Maybe i should try getting into running next...all the really cute fit guys seem to run. I love their toned, muscular legs (showcased by their cute shorts) and their slim, fit torsos (showcased by nothing at all, if i'm really lucky). I love summer! Oh, and a huge thank you to all who have left a comment or sent an email regarding my last couple of posts. Your words of encouragement and advice, and just kind words in general mean the world to me. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I head out to Wisconsin on 6 June to visit my pops, and will be gone until 14 June, so i won't be on MSN during that time. I know, i know...you are all heart broken and are now curled up in the fetal position, crying softly, wondering just how in the hell you will survive without having me to talk to for a week. That sounds pretty dramatic, but more than likely no one would have noticed my absence if i hadn't said anything...lol. Anyway, i can't find a messenger for my iPhone that works with all my contacts, so you are all shit out of luck...lol. :p I will try to post from my iPhone and keep you updated as to my progress and subsequent success/failure/breakdown.

So, in less than a week i will be out to my dad. I will probably be out to my brother as well. Oh, let's not forget my stepmother either. Holy shit. Am i really going to go through with this? Yeah, me thinks i will. I am pretty nervous about it all, but semi-confident things will work out better than i had originally thought. There is still a chance things will go horribly wrong, and whats left of my life will come crashing down around me. In which case, i will no doubt finally snap and either go ape shit and lead the police on a multi-state high speed chase followed by a spectacular crash, or i will breakdown and collapse into myself never to be seen again. Once my dad and brother know, it will then be time to tell my mom and sister. Both of them will be significantly more difficult to deal with. So much so, i don't even want to think about it now, or i may lose my nerve and not tell my dad. I really think it's time to move on. I think that my dad is ready to hear the truth. I still wonder if he suspects, and if so, for how long. I guess i will find out in a few days.

In other news, i came out to another co-worker on Saturday. Let's call her Beth. She is a new trainee in my area, and i was instructing her on Saturday. Adam and his student were training on the position next to the one i was training Beth on. Beth is a lesbian, by the way. Anyway, Adam was humming some song, and Beth started humming along to it as well. I'm like "wtf song are you two singing?". Beth says "hetero men can be so clueless sometimes". I laughed my ass off, and Adam just gave me some stupid smile and Beth was giving both of us a very quizzical look, but said nothing further. Later, i asked Adam what song it was, and he told me and said "i ought to take away your gay card for not knowing that" and laughed. At the end of the day, i was debriefing Beth about our training session, and said to her "by the way, you almost got me in some serious trouble with Adam before when i didn't know that song. He threatened to take away my gay card for that". She just stared at me and said "you are?". Yep, i am. So, we had a nice little chat and exchanged mobile numbers. One more ally.

Lastly, cute pizza guy... Well, i went back to see him twice last week, and both times he wasn't there. :( So, on Sunday before my overnight shift i decided to stop by for dinner and see if he was in. I made two laps around the place trying to see if i could see him. No luck, and finally the hostess asked if there was something i was looking for. Oops...made myself look suspicious. I just said i was looking for a friend who said he might be meeting me for dinner, and i didn't see him, so just seat me anywhere. So, after i've been seated and have ordered, guess who i see. Yep...my cutie. Damn. Well, he walked past my table, his back towards me (my back was to the wall as well). So, i got to purve for a moment before he turned the corner. :p A few minutes later, he is walking down the aisle directly towards me and i could swear he is looking me over. Maybe it's because he recognizes me from when we met the first time. Or who knows why...maybe he likes me? Nah...couldn't be that. Now i am inventing things in order to give me a false confidence. Or i could just be seeing things and he wasn't looking me over at all. But i'm almost certain he notices me before i notice him and catch his eye. I made eye contact with him, and he didn't look away. I am nervous as hell at this point, and all i can manage is to give him a little wave of my hand and a awkward smile and say "Hi. How is your night going?". He gives me a little smile back, and says his night is going alright. And then he is gone. That is all i managed to say to him. So, my guess is that if he is in fact gay, he probably knows that i am too, and that i'm interested in him. Why else would i make eye contact with some random employee and smile at him and say hi if i'm not interested? He walked past my table one other time, but my loudmouth waitress was barking up the wrong tree and trying to chat me up looking for a good tip. I'm thinking to myself "shut the fuck up and move along!". LOL. So when he walked past me that time, i could see him looking at me from the corner of my eye. IDK, maybe he's in tune and can tell i'm into him. Or maybe he's thinking "why is that creepo guy talking to me and making eyes at me?" Or maybe he really does actually like me too. Who knows. I can't help but feel like i'm setting myself up for a major disappointment. The odds are not in my favor at all. But, lady luck favors the bold. So, my plan is to go try and talk to him again tonight (Wednesday night). Is it too bold of me to first ask if he is working, and then ask to be seated in his section? That might raise some eyebrows, and suspicions. Or make me look like a creepo stalker. But, it would guarantee i get to talk to him a bit more than i have previously. If the hostess tells him i asked for him, he might be freaked out by that and not want to talk, or worse, just write me off as a nut job. Or it could make it even more obvious that i like him and he might be flattered. Ugh...too many variables. I hate not being in control of a situation. I have to find out one way or another though...if i let this go and never find out, i will be kicking myself in the ass for all time. I can't let opportunities pass me by anymore. One last thing about him. Yes, he is really cute (to me anyway), but my attraction to him runs deeper than that. I don't know him, or anything about him, but there is something there that draws me in. Something that makes me feel good in a way i can't describe. Maybe this time, i will finally have a bit of good luck. But, he will probably turn out to be straight... I'll keep you posted either way.

Laterz.