He actually laughed!

It's almost quarter to four in the afternoon, and i just got out of bed. Yes, yes, i know, i'm a lazy bum and all that. :p I actually slept really well Saturday night, although i still only got about five hours of sleep. But when one is used to only getting 1 or 2 hours, 5 is pretty good. But, i didn't get a nap in before my mid shift Sunday night, so i was well tired when i got home this morning. Oh, and i did a bit of "spirited driving" on my way to work Sunday morning. Having to leave for work at 4:45 am has its advantages. :) It's about the only time i have the road almost to my self in this town. So the freeway (motorway) on ramp is long and straight, with good views ahead and behind. No cops in sight, gas pedal to the floor, through second gear, shift into third, and another shift to fourth. 125 MPH is reached in an alarmingly short period of time. :D The sound of the engine revving to its 7000 rpm red line is music to my ears. God, i love my car. OK, enough blather. :p

At work last night, Jack and i were actually fairly busy until about 1:45am, which is unusual for this time of year (we stay busy even later in the summer). Things normally die down well before 1am in winter/spring/fall, and we can settle in and talk or watch a movie. The cleaning girl finally came through at about 2am (also late) and did her vacuuming, etc. I finally get the laptop set-up and ready to watch "Dogma" at about 2:30, but i stall actually starting the movie. I am scared shitless and my stomach is in knots at this point just thinking about telling Jack that i'm gay. What if he flips out and our friendship is ruined? I still have to work mids with him (it's just us two all night long) for the next eight months. What if i tell him and he lets my secret out before i'm ready? So many ways this could go all wrong.

Anyway, i keep stalling starting the movie by making nervous small talk, digging through my laptop bag, fidgeting with brightness and volume settings on my laptop, and a bunch of other obviously odd behaviors. I finally turn to Jack and say "Can you keep a secret?". He says "yeah, whats the matter?". "I really need to tell you something, and i need you to keep it to yourself...you can't tell anyone, OK?" He gives me a look of concern and says "What is is? Are you alright?". Insert dramatic pause here. "I'm gay". He gave me a really neutral sort of look for just a second and then he actually laughed! "Holy shit! Is that all? I though you were going to tell me you were dying or something! Fuck man, i don't care about that. In fact, that explains a few things. Like why your were so open to being bi, and why you laughed so much when i mentioned my wife wanting our son to be gay." A few months back, we were having a discussion about all the new people coming in the building. A few of them are lesbians, so we started talking about sexuality a bit and somehow we wound up on being bi, and i'd made some comment on the order of "being bi automatically doubles your chances of getting laid. Maybe i should give it a try".

After that, he said he needs to have his gaydar looked at, because he never really suspected i was gay, just those few little hints i dropped to him. I went on to tell Jack that he and Adam are the only two people in my real life who know, and i think he was pretty flattered that i would trust him with my secret. He asked when i told Adam, and he said that it must be like a weight lifted from my shoulders. He also said, "I guess i need to be careful talking about tits now" and laughed. I told him (as if he really needed me to say it) that things aren't any different than they were before, except he now knows the real me. I told him we could still talk about all the things we did before, that nothing has really changed. I then said to him that i hope that my being gay doesn't change the dynamics of our friendship. He says "No, no, it's cool".

The rest of the night went on as if things were just the same as always. I can be a bit paranoid, and i was wondering if Jack was just being so cool about it in order to spare my feelings or something. I got over that pretty quickly, and just accepted the fact that he accepts me for who i am. On our way out to the parking lot after our shift, i thanked him for keeping my secret a secret. He just said "No problem, bud". Then he laughed a little and said he was thinking back to our argument with Dodge a while back. Dodge is a sick and twisted far right sort who believes that being gay is a mental illness just like schizophrenia, and that gays should be institutionalized and treated. Jack said he wanted to strangle Dodge after that, he can only imagine how i must have felt. I did tear Dodge a new asshole, but didn't want my secret revealed at that point. If we were to have that conversation now, I think i would tell Dodge "Oh yeah? I'm gay. Now what you sick fuck?" and get him in heaps of trouble for discrimination.

So there it is. I'm out to one more person in real life, for a grand total of two. After the way i had built up coming out to Jack, it was almost anti-climatic when i finally did tell him, especially considering how cool he is about it. I don't think they will all be this easy though. Who to tell next...