First Steps

First off, all I can say is "wow". I am really amazed by all of the comments I have received so far. A HUGE thank you to everyone. Now, on to business...

As Steevo mentioned, I attended my first PFLAG meeting last week. So, technically, I suppose I am sorta out, even if it is to complete strangers. For me though, there is still no one I know personally in real life who knows I'm gay.

Attending a PFLAG meeting was a big first step for me. Having hid my sexuality for so long, I was pretty nervous about attending the meeting and telling my story. Even as i began to speak, i was wondering if talking was such a good idea. But after my first sentence, it all just flowed out of me. The people at the meeting were mostly parents who had gay children. It was really comforting to be there with them, and know that even though we had just met, they accepted me for who i am. As i spoke with them and told them about my situation, about how my real family would condemn me for being gay, i began to feel some hope. Hope that things would work out OK after all these years of hiding in my closet. Hope that the majority of the people in my life would accept me for who i am.

As Kevin has said in a comment on my previous post, ones sexuality really is their business. I don't plan on putting an ad on TV telling people that i'm gay, or as he said, tell people i'm gay when i introduce myself. That said, i want to be open and honest with people. If someone asks me, i want to be able to answer with confidence and pride "yes, i am gay". As Kevin also said, there are people in my life who most likely suspect that i'm gay and don't have the balls to ask me. I mean, c'mon, i'm 32 and have never had a girlfriend. It's pretty simple to figure out. LOL. Maybe they figure it is my business, and that i wil tell them if i feel that they need to know. At the same time, i can't help but feel like i'm being sneaky, like i'm keeping the truth from them. I want to meet new people, and make new friends who i can be myself with (that is, actually have some gay friends). But i also want to be able to be myself with those i already know.

For me, coming out is about finally being able to be honest. Honest with my friends, both new and old, honest with my family (still a tough nut to crack), and most importantly honest with myself. I came to terms with being gay a long time ago. But i have never allowed that part of me to be seen. I hope by letting that part of me out, i will find some happiness and peace.