Happy Valentines Day

...or not.

Let's see...

Yay! Muse is coming to town in April and i've got my tickets in my hot little hands. I can't wait! Good times. After three and a half months of waiting, my new S5 finally arrived a couple of weeks ago. It is, believe it or not, better than the car it replaces. The electronics in this car far surpass that of the old one. The new one also has a really slick adjustable performance differential as a part of the Drive Select system. I haven't had the chance to test it's effectiveness yet, but in theory it will make cornering performance even better than ever. It's really quite a bit of fun to drive in any event. Now, if i can only be a good boy and take it easy on it for the first 1000 miles and break it in properly. I feel quite snobbish with a new Audi A4 and a new Audi S5 in my garage. Quite snobbish.

Anyway, i'm dead fucking tired. Time for bed. Laterz.

10001110101

Happy belated new year to all of you! I sincerely hope that all of you had a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year (the "holiday season" as it is now commonly referred to as). Regardless of what one believes, one can't argue that Christmas is rooted in the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. We have holidays for everything else these days, so why is it that people are so bent on taking the "Christ" out of Christmas? I would venture to say that 90% of the shops i frequented this year said "happy holidays" instead of merry Christmas. Even when i said "Merry Christmas" to a shop clerk i got a "happy holidays" in return the majority of the time. I asked several clerks about this behavior and some told me it was against company policy to say "merry Christmas" in order to avoid offending people. Seriously? Well, i tell you what offends me is an over abundance of political correctness. Sorry, but the day is still called Christmas. I work with the public in my job and am employed by a public agency. On Christmas Eve (a day Obama declared a holiday for the purposes of letting government employees go home early) i was counseled by a supervisor at work for saying "Merry Christmas" to my "customers". (Sorry for the vagueness of my work and employment descriptions, but it's necessary to retain my anonymity. Those of you who know what i do for a living will know what i'm talking about.) So, let me get this straight. Christmas is not only the name of the day, but is a Federal holiday, and is so important to people that the day before it should be declared a federal holiday but i'm not allowed to say Merry Christmas to people for fear of offending someone? BULLSHIT. I defied a direct order from a "superior" and kept right on saying "Merry Christmas", even while the supe was sitting next to me busting my balls for saying it (my "customers" are not in the room with me if you haven't gather that little nugget of info yet). He threatened to write me up for insubordination and i just laughed and said "go ahead, see how far that goes". What the fuck is wrong with people?!? He must be so miserable that he feels the need to snuff out even the smallest ember of kindness and human decency in order to try and make everyone else feel just as shitty as he does. I mean, i had to work Christmas and so did my "customers". So why not do what i can to be friendly and pass on a little kindness to people as unlucky as me that they should have to work on Christmas? Bottom line, all of this political correctness and being afraid of offending people has gotten out of hand. I have nothing but respect for whatever one chooses to believe or practice. But for fuck sake, LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My new year resolution number one is to be as politically INCORRECT as possible in 2010. Something i've said has offended you? TOUGH SHIT. Fucking deal with it. Fuck.

:END RANT:

Anywho... 2009 was one hell of a year. A lot happened. I met a lot of great people here online and i am grateful to each of you for your help and support and for your help in getting me to where i am today. And where is that exactly? For starters, i am OUT. I am an openly gay man and i can be myself and not have to worry about people finding me out for the first time in almost 20 years since i figured out i was gay. All the people who matter most to me are completely, and 100% accepting and supportive of me and do not judge me because of my sexuality. In fact, i have yet to have one bad reaction in a coming out scenario, although i am still waiting for my first one (and rather looking forward to telling whoever it may be to kindly fuck off, i don't need you anyway). I still have a lot of healing to do in terms of reconciling my past and coming to terms with the shit i put myself through by staying in the closet for so long. But i am making progress. Its a long road ahead, but when i look at where i was a year ago to where i am now, i can't believe my eyes. Its like i am a different man. I feel happiness for the first time in ages. I still have days where i am down in the dumps and feeling pretty low (and i imaging those days will come around from time to time for the rest of my life). But they are far fewer than they were in the past and less extreme in nature and easier to pull out of.

Perhaps most amazing of all, i have a wonderful boyfriend who i am deeply in love with and who loves me just as much. "E" is an incredible man who loves me for me, good and bad (and i can be a real asshole sometimes, so he must really love me to put up with that lolz). I love him for the person inside of him, for who he really is as well. But, i guess i must have been a really good boy because not only is he a sweet, smart, loving, caring (he brought leftover Christmas dinner from his families dinner to my house for me after i got off work on Christmas), wonderful man, he is also quite the good looker! I know, looks aren't everything, but they sure can't hurt. :P He's tall and slender and pretty much everything i could ever want in a man. Yeah, i got REAL lucky! And without going into too much detail, lets just say that i'm the more masculine of the two of us, if you catch my drift. Suffice to say, the sex is amazing.

That's all well and good, but more important, we celebrated our two month anniversary a few days ago. An eternity when measuring the duration of most gay relationships (hell, hetero relationships these days for that matter). Sure some of the newness and glow has dissipated, but i love him more than ever and we spend quite a lot of time together (fyi, our little trip to the ocean was simply incredible). So, here's to another two months, leading to years and decades of happiness.

Lastly, remember that little fender bender i was in back in late August? Yeah, the one where the stupid cunting whore drove her fucking TANK of an SUV into the rear-end of my car at 40 mph? Well, after three and a half months of waiting, my replacement Audi S5 has finally arrived. I am picking it up after work tomorrow. It is still costing me money, as the insurance only paid for the value of my totaled car, not replacement value, but will be well worth it.

Sorry for not posting more frequently, but i have been pretty busy as of late. I am on MSN once in a while, but its usually really late, and no one else is on. So, one of these days i will have to get on and do some catching up with all of you.

Until next time...

Happy...whatever you celebrate

Hey there. It's been a while. No, I'm not dead or in prison. I've just been super busy with work and spending every free moment with the boyfriend. In fact, I've just returned from a romantic four day getaway to the Oregon coast with "E". Four wonderful days alone with him was amazing. We walked on the beach, did some hiking, ate at some great restaurants and of course spent a lot of time cuddled up in bed. We actually celebrated Christmas together on Sunday since I have to work the holiday. We exchanged gifts, drank Dom Perignon and just enjoyed each others company. I have completely fallen in love with him. So far, it's been the best Christmas ever. Sorry for the scattered, random post. I'm on my iPhone and am short on time as I am on break at work. At any rate, I just wanted to drop in and say hello and let you all know that I'm thinking of you all. I've made a lot of great friends here this year. Sorry for being out of touch lately. I will try to make a proper post and catch you all up soon. For now, Happy Christmas to all of you!

PS - I went swimming in the Pacific Ocean with an outside air temperature of 39 degrees farenheit. Yes, it was FUCKING COLD! It was quite a bit of fun and earned me a few "what the fuck is the matter with you?" looks from people walking by. Being insane can be fun. Bwahahaha!

You're always fucking staring at me with that glass fucking eye!

If anyone had told me even a month ago that i would meet an amazing man who i am 99.9% compatible with and who likes me as much as i like him, i would have called them a fucking liar. But much to my astonishment, this is exactly what happened. I have met a man who compliments me, who fills that lonely void in my soul, who understands and accepts me for who i am and not what i look like. So far, we have exchanged countless emails, text messages and phone calls. We have also had 8 dates over the past couple weeks. He has even spent the night at my house once. To say that we like each other is an understatement. The feelings we have grow stronger each day. Looking back from where i am now, i can see that while i may have felt attracted to guys in the past, and maybe even felt some emotional connection to them, they were all lacking something fundamental and indescribable. The "emotions" i felt toward them were empty. With "E" there is something more there than just a pretty face (and he is deffo cute). With him, we are connected on a level that is deep and real. All the cards are on the table. There are no secrets, nothing to hide.

It's official. I have a boyfriend. We are still trying our best to take things easy and not rush into anything (like sex for example). But, we are exclusive. It's pretty exciting. I love being with him, and he loves being with me. We spend all of our free time together it seems and i am longing to be with him when he isn't around. We really seem to be falling for each other.

Well, enough of my blather. I am taking an overnight road trip with "E" on Tuesday into Wednesday, so i probably won't be online much before the Thanksgiving holiday. Here's wishing all of you happy holidays!

Hope you enjoy the video.

The Start Of Something Beautiful

Oh, hello. Long time no talk. Sorry for not posting in a while. I've been pretty busy and a lot has happened since my last post. Almost all of it good. Quite good. So good in fact, that i am still waiting to wake up from what can only be a dream.

So, last time i posted was a little more than two weeks ago. At that time, i had been out on two dates with "A" and had got the lets be friends bit from him. I was pretty disappointed, but after a couple days of moping around, i kind of snapped out of it. He is young, 19 to be exact. While he does display an incredible amount of maturity for someone his age (hell, an incredible amount of maturity for people twice his age), he is still young. It took a lot of talking with a few of you guys (you know who you are, and i am in your debt for your friendship and support) on MSN to finally convince me of this. He is young and stupid was what i was told. Indeed he is. Despite being fairly mature, he still has no idea what he wants from life. My feelings for him are just the result of being starved of attention for so long and him giving me some much needed attention. Well, once i realized that i was able to move on and do just what he wanted...be his friend. We have gotten together a couple more times since then. Once for just dinner and once we actually took a road trip together. It was fun. After accepting being "just friends" all the outer awkwardness disappeared. In the end, all i experienced with him was for the best and was a valuable learning experience.

About the same time as when i got the lets be friends text from "A", i had began talking to another guy i met online, call him "E". I had sent "E" a message on one of the dating sites i have an account with back in late September and had never heard back from him. Out of the blue i get a message back from him and he is very apologetic for taking so long in responding to my message, as he doesn't check his account very often because he doesn't get very many messages and the ones he does get are from creepos. Wow, sounds kind of like me. So, he includes his actual email address and chat id so we can communicate easier. From his very first email to me, i knew he was something special. Just the overall tone of his email made me feel something was singularly unique about him.

Short story long, we began a series of rather lengthy emails back and forth. He was kind enough to include some info about himself in his first email as an ice breaker/convo starter. It worked rather well. I asked him some new questions about things he likes, what beliefs he holds, what music he likes, etc. With each new email, we asked each other new questions and answered our own questions from the previous email. It was a rather fun and interesting way to get the basic "get to know you" stuff out of the way. By the time we actually spoke on MSN, we had a pretty good idea about what made the other tick. After a couple weeks of exchanging emails and chatting on MSN, we exchanged phone numbers and began a textathon and finally arranged to meet.

Our first date was last Tuesday and it went splendidly. I picked him up at his place and we went to dinner at a very nice Asian place in Tacoma not far from his apartment. We talked with each other so easily, it was as if we were old pals getting together after a long time apart. It was a lot of fun. After dinner, we went back to his place to drop the leftovers off in his fridge so they wouldn't rot in the car the rest of the night. After about 45 mins of chit chat, i asked what he wanted to do next. I had made reservations for a concert (free show, but limited seating), but by the time we were ready to go, it was too late to catch the beginning of the show in Seattle. So, he said anything sounds like fun, that he's really easy going just like me. I asked if he has ever been to the Space Needle and he said no. Well, how about we go there? Sure he says.

Its about an hour drive to Seattle from his place and we have a nice drive up. It is raining and foggy on the drive up, and i was commenting on how crap the view will be if its foggy. As we approach Seattle, the fog lifts a bit and we can see the city skyline in the distance. We find parking and walk through the cold rain to the Space Needle huddled up beneath a couple of too small umbrellas. It was pretty intimate and we kind of cuddled up for warmth as we walked. We buy our tickets and head up. The view is incredible at night. We hold hands a bit and walk around, get a coffee, take some pictures, enjoy each others company and the spectacular view. After about 2 and a half hours, we decide to head out and hit the gift shop on the way out. I bought a Space Needle Lego kit (Legos FTW!!!), and bought him a cute little Space Needle pen he really liked. On our way out, i got a bit turned around trying to find the freeway and somehow wound up in the U-district. Hmmm...there is a great drive-in near there and i as if he like the place. He loves it, and so it's decide we stop for burgers and shakes. That done, and it's now 11:15pm (i picked him up at 5pm). "So, what next?" i ask. He says whatever is fine, so i suggest we go to my place and watch a movie. Ok he says.

So, off to my house we go and we arrive at about midnight. We plug in a movie and cuddle up on the couch. After the movie, the cuddle session turned to a make-out session. :D Yeah, fun times! I finally drive him home at about 5:30am, and he says he wants to meet again that night. Sounds good to me!

Ok, time to cut to the chase as i'm realllllllly tired right now. We met up that night, and had a great time again. We met again on Saturday, and i cooked dinner for him and again we had a great time. We went out again last night and wound up at my place once again. And again, i didn't take him home until really really late (early?). I am just amazed! He is really into me and i'm really into him. We are both deeply in "like" with each other haha. Both of us want the same thing...a lasting, long term relationship. Neither of us want to rush into sex just wind up fuck buddies. We both want to go a little slow and really get to know each other first. He is a bit older than the last guy, but still younger than me (he's 27). He is different. We just mesh so well. He feels the same way. It's amazing how well we get along. No awkward moments with him. Everything just feels "right". We are so compatible it's almost scary. It's like we were made for one another and have been destined to meet all along. This guy is special, he is different. This isn't some silly crush. I have been happier the three weeks i have known him than i have been in a long time, maybe ever. We compliment each other and i know he feels the same way about me because he has said so directly. This time, the feeling IS mutual. I am very optimistic about this. It has an entirely different feel to this situation than all the ones before. This feels real. This feels like it may be the start of something beautiful.



^ a slightly blurry view of the Seattle skyline from the Space Needle

"I like it when the red water comes out..."