Disappointment

My last post made mention of the cute guy I'd met at the concert and how we'd been texting quite a bit and having some good conversations. Well, it's been almost a week since I've heard from him. The last time I heard anything from him was last Friday. So much for even being friends, let alone the possibility of something more. But, it's par for the course. I meet someone, have some great conversations, get excited about all the possibilities and then somehow manage to drive them away. So, now I'm back to having not even the small joy of talking to someone who at least opened the door of possibility to a relationship deeper than mere friendship. Funny how fragile hope really is...

Uprising

Hiya! OK, so i just got home from work and i'm tired as hell, but OMG what a fun night! I spent my breaks at work texting the guy i met at the concert. :D We have a lot more in common than just the music we listen to. We both love hiking, bicycling, science, music in general, a bunch of other stuff i'm to tired to think of at the moment lol. He seemed very interested in what i do for a living, and i offered to get him in for a tour and he was really excited about that. :P I learned about him a little bit too, and he seems like a really nice guy. He seems a bit like me in some regards (the good ones mostly, but he seems kind of shy like i am). He's still in college, so he's a bit younger than me. But given that we seem to get a long so well, i don't think that will matter much regardless of where this winds up going. I really enjoyed talking with him, and he seemed to like talking to me too. Our conversations flowed really well. We never seemed to stall on any one subject. In fact, i have been home for almost two hours and we have been texting ever since then (he finally said goodnight a few minutes ago). I'm really trying to keep my hopes from getting to high, as i still have no idea if he's even gay or if he knows or suspects that i am, etc. Deep down though, i really do hope this will turn into something more than just a friendship. But i really feel stupid even entertaining that thought. The reality is that it just isn't likely to happen. I'd only be setting myself up for disappointment by expecting anything more than just a friendship. But even with as little as i actually know about him, i really like him (and not just his good looks lol). I probably sound rather foolish rambling on like this. In any event, he will no doubt be a great friend, as we do have so much in common and have proved we can talk for hours about all sorts of things. It seems funny now how nervous i felt talking to him at the concert. It's interesting how asking one little question about how he managed to get such a good seat has got me as far as this, and with so much more possible in the future. Enough of my blather...

Are you sick of me posting songs yet? Tough shit. Get over it. :D So, concert boy mentioned to me that Muse is his favorite band. Muse is one of my favorite bands too. As a way of having a conversation starter, i bought their new album "The Resistance" Wednesday night (i got to Best Buy five minutes before they closed and got the last copy on their shelves...talk about luck!) and gave it a few listens. I would have bought it eventually anyway, but i had a little extra motivation to do it in a timely fashion. :P OMFG, what an absolutely fucking brilliant album! I have listened to this disc non-stop all day...in the car, on break at work, for the third time since getting home from work...haha. Without further ado, "Uprising"...

Kneel and disconnect...

Well, i'm just back* from the Porcupine Tree concert in Seattle (by "just back", i mean several hours ago lol). Wow...what an absolutely amazing show Porcupine Tree put on! I'm not talking about grandiose theatrics, glamor and glitter. Instead i'm talking about the absolute pinnacle of musicianship. Not only is Steven Wilson (Porcupine Trees main songwriter and front man) a musical genius, but all the other members of the band are integral to making the band what it is. Each musician has mastered his craft and the net result is a band that plays super tight and are even better live than they are on the best produced studio album you could imagine.

The show was played at The Moore Theater in Seattle. That venue is one of the most amazing places i have ever seen a concert at. I may be off by a year or two, but i believe the place was built in 1907. What a gorgeous piece of architecture. A anyway, i bought my tickets online directly from the band. I just placed an order for two tickets, and never really had a choice as to where i was going to be seated. Lucky for me, it was a reserved seating venue, not general admission. So, imagine my surprise when i pick up my tickets from will call and see "row A" printed on my ticket. Holy shit!!!! Front row seats to see my favorite band play live!!!!!!! How could this night get any better?!

Well, about 10 minutes before the opening act ("That 1 Guy" - fucking incredible, btw...lol) appeared on stage, a super cute guy caught my eye. Well, imagine my luck when he sat 3 seats away from me. Yeah, he is VERY cute! So, it's pretty easy to start up conversations with people at concerts because everyone is there to see one particular band play. Easy icebreaker. The problem is, there are 2 other people between him and me, and talking across them would be awkward at best. So, i keep stealing glances at him trying not to be too conspicuous, wondering how i can start a conversation with him without looking like a complete twat lol.

So, after That 1 Guy played his amazing set (seriously, his music is indescribable...one man making an incredible amount of music, all on a self made instrument that looks like it was pieced together using scraps of pipe from the Home Depot), there was a brief intermission before Porcupine Tree took the stage. Oooh...maybe i can talk to the cutie! But damn the luck, both people in the seats between us stayed put. Oh well...

For the first half of Porcupine Tree's set, they played their new album "The Incident" from start to finish. Steven Wilson described it as a "song suite", meant to be played and listened to as one continuous piece of music. Being parked two feet from a stack of loudspeakers was great! I could feel a concussion wave with each strike of the bass drum and with each bass note and heavy chord played...fucking awesome! And being 10 feet away from the band and being able to see them all play live was pretty cool too. :P

At the end of the first half of the set, the band took a short intermission. As the lights came up, the two guys sitting between me and cutie got up and left. To where, i don't know and really don't care...this was my chance! So, i slid a few feet over and said "hi" very nervously and awkwardly...lol. I felt so stupid. Guys who i am really attracted to intimidate the hell out of me. I got all clammy and sweaty, despite the fact that i'd been rocking out pretty hard the previous hour and didn't sweat then. Note to self...nerves make me sweat. Back to cutie...after my initial and very awkward hello i asked if he'd seen Porcupine Tree live before, to which he replied no, this was his first time seeing them live. I talked about the last show i saw a little bit, and how this venue was way better. I then asked him how long he'd been listening to them and what his fav song and album were etc. The convo was moving along, but i was nervous as hell and was coming up silent a little to often for me to feel comfortable and that only made me more nervous. So, we eventually started talking about other bands we liked and he mentioned a few i'd never heard of, and i mentioned a few he'd never heard of. Then he mentioned Muse, another one of my favorite bands! Just as he mentioned Muse, the lights went down, and Porcupine Tree took the stage to play the second half of their set.

The second half of the set was just as amazing as the first, and contained a lot of really good songs from their back catalog of material. Again, i really can't stress enough how amazing this band is live! Every song they played had a life of its own, full of power and emotion. And just the sheer difficulty of some of the songs they played inspired awe as they were performed flawlessly. Did i mention this was the opening night of their US tour, and was the first time the band had played any material from the new record, let alone the entire thing? It was pretty cool to be a part of the first audience to hear a new album played live.

After the encore, which was cut short due to some bullshit noise ordinance in Seattle, the lights cam up and i turned to cutie and resumed our convo where we left off. I said, "so Muse is your favorite band eh?". His eyes lit up and he told me they had a new album out as well (which i'd read about, but almost forgot about until he mentioned it). I asked him how it was in comparison to their older material, and he asked what albums i liked best, and i told him in order the ones i liked best. He smiled and said he liked their albums in the same order i liked them. :D Coincidence? lolz. So he described the new record a bit and how it fit in the line up. So, he started to make for the aisle and was saying it was good to talk to me, etc, when i said "I should give you my number so we can talk music!". "Yeah! That would be cool!". So, i introduced myself proper and so did he and we exchanged mobile numbers. :P

Now, i have no idea if he is even gay or not, and i'm not quite sure if he knows i'm gay (probably not, as i look and act pretty straight, although lately i have been dressing a bit more metro lol). But still, i was able to strike up a convo AND get the phone number from a cute guy! Granted, i cheated and used the concert as a conversation starter, but who really cares? I got his number lol! So, if nothing else, i made a new friend. I'm not holding my breath, because he was younger than me, and even if he is gay, probably wouldn't be interested in me in "that way". But i'll take what i can get. A new friend will be nice, and a cute one at that. :p Maybe it's better i went to the show alone. If i'd gone with someone, who knows if i'd have had the opportunity to talk to him, or if whoever i went with would have got to talk to him instead of me...

After that, things went to shit...lol. I parked 8 blocks from the theater to avoid the traffic mess on the streets closer in. I even parked for free, since i got there after 6pm...lucky me! But, as i was driving to the freeway, i got about 1/3 of the way there when traffic stopped. Dead fucking stopped. Gridlocked at 11:15pm on a Tuesday night ffs. It took me 45 fucking minutes to drive the mile to the freeway on ramp. WTF!?! I was about to have a serious road rage episode...lol. No reason for it, no construction, not really anything going on to warrant that level of gridlock hellishness. But i maintained an even strain, thinking of the cute guy who i got to talk to and whose number now resides in my mobile phone...lolz.

On the car front, the insurance rep i'd been dealing with rang me up today and told me she had fought long and hard with the home office, and finally got them to agree to pay me almost what i'd paid for my car, plus sales taxes (9.3% in my county) and licenses and registration fees. All told, i'm getting $415 less for my car than what i paid for it. Plus, the service and maintenance plans and the GAP coverage i bought are all refundable pro-rated to the date of loss. All in all, not too bad. Now to nail the bitch who hit me to the fucking wall with the bodily injury/pain and suffering suit. I want to see her living in a cardboard box under the interstate... *laughs evilly* She picked the wrong guy to run into. -_-

Once again, i shall end my post with a song. This is a cut from Porcupine Tree's newest album "The Incident" called "Time Flies". Pretty good tune, and the videography is pretty interesting too. So, does anyone actually watch/listen to these songs?

The Incident

So, yay, Porcupine Tree have a new album out titled "The Incident". I got my download copy this morning, and my physical copy came in the post this afternoon. What a great band. Porcupine Tree also open the US leg of their tour in Seattle tomorrow night, and i've got two tickets to the show. Porcupine Tree are one of those bands that are just as incredible live as they are in the studio, maybe even more so. The last time i saw them play was a couple years ago, and they were brilliant. The problem is, i bought two tickets thinking i'd have someone to go with when the show came around. Well, i've got no one to go with lol. Bummer. See what happens when i try being optimistic? I get the shaft lol. I buy two tickets hoping i'd meet someone to take to the concert with me and i still wind up going alone. So the next time anyone accuses me of being pessimistic, try to remember that from my perspective i'm simply being realistic.

I'm still playing games with the insurance companies about the value of my car. I hope they get off their fucking asses soon, because its coming up on payment time and i'd hate to make another payment on a car that's wrecked. Plus, my second car is falling apart around me...windows don't roll up, t-top roof leaks, half the stereo speakers are blown out, gears are making a funny noise. Its a mess. And it almost left me stranded once. It can't be trusted any longer. I need a new car.

I got to talk to my dream guy for a while on friday. God, is he amazing. Too bad he's so straight and in love with his girlfriend! Every time i think i am getting over how i feel for him, all it takes is to just pass him in the hallway at work for me to turn into a love sick fool. It's such a mix of emotions. He makes me feel happier than anyone i have ever known. Yet at the same time, i feel more sad and alone than ever because i know i will never be with him. Very strange indeed...

So, here's another song for you all to enjoy (or not). The Pineapple Thief are yet another absolutely brilliant band that will probably never get the recognition they deserve. This song is from their most recent album "Tightly Unwound" and really strikes s a nerve with me...not just musically, but lyrically as well. Such an emotional piece of music. Then again, what do i know...

A step in the right direction.

Yay!!!! My first post using my new 17" MacBook Pro!!!! What a sexy machine. It'll take some getting used to (removing all the windows based brain-washing i've had shoved down my throat over the years), but already i love this machine. The only thing i upgraded was the hard drive. I went with the 7200 rpm drive over the standard 5400 rpm drive. I was thinking about upgrading the processor, but $300 for a 3.06Ghz processor over the standard 2.8Ghz one seemed a bit absurd.

Anyway, last friday i got a bit of good news. The insurance company has decided to total my car. That means i wont be getting my mushed up machine pieced back together and handed back to me. I get to go buy a new one, once the insurance pays out of course. I still won't recover all my losses, as all i get is fair market value, not replacement value. I have to eat sales taxes, cash down payments, etc. So, that sucks, but its better than getting a crap car back from the shop after its been "repaired".

So, like i said, i get to buy a new car now. As of this moment, a new S5 will take anywhere from 3 to 6 months to order. Most of the cars in the pipeline are already spoken for. Much less, they may not be optioned the way i want them or be the right color. Which leads me to... What color should i get? The one that got trashed was Brilliant Black. I like black cars, but was tossing around the idea of Phantom Black Pearl Effect. It's still black, but has color changing properties in different light conditions. Pretty cool. Or, maybe custom order a color. I have been thinking about maybe Daytona Grey Pearl, or Lava Grey Pearl. I'm really leaning towards Phantom Black Pearl. Maybe i'll do a poll, let you help me decide. :p

On to business once again... I meeting with a lawyer tomorrow to discuss options for recovering the losses that insurance won't cover. And to see what i can expect from the bodily injury/pain and suffering claim. My neck and lower back are a bit out of whack after the accident, and i've been to a doctor and chiropractor several times already now. Massage therapy seems to help a lot, and i slept better after that than i have in years.

I'll finish this post with a song that i have really been listening to a lot lately. "Gardens" by Heavens. Good stuff. The whole CD is pretty good, but this track is my fav by far. Enjoy!

Emasculated

First of all, it is possible to have a strong emotional attachment to an inanimate object. It's not weird or foolish or materialistic. Sometimes something will just have an effect on a person. Not love, as love is only felt between people. But there is emotion of some sort involved. That said...

If ever there was a shit week, this was it. Just when you think things can't possibly suck anymore than they already do, life grabs you by the balls and not only squeezes them as hard as it can but gives 'em a little twist for good measure.

So as you most likely read in my previous post, i had my first date last week. It was the greatest day of my life. That came to a rather odd conclusion when the guy who was seemingly into me as much as i was into him stopped calling/texting/im'ing/emailing and stopped responding to all such forms of communication. WTF?! OK, he changed his mind and flaked out on me. Whatever, at least i was happy for a brief moment.

So, i mentioned a little about another guy i had been talking to via text for a couple of weeks. We met on a dating site, and he actually gave me his number and said lets talk/text. Cool! A seemingly great guy, good job, stable, great sense of humor, likes a lot of the same music/movies i do. This could turn out well. So, on Tuesday morning really early, we were texting and an opportunity arose to see if he was interested in going out on a date. Now, i had been trying to keep my excitement in check all the while i was talking to him because as life has taught me, if you get excited, whatever you are getting excited about will be snatched away from you. Fatal mistake: i let myself get a little bit excited about him. So what happens when i ask him if he'd be interested in going out you ask? And i quote "Well, to be 100% honest, there's a boy back in the city i've been trying to get together with all summer and haven't been able to because of my travel schedule and his travel schedule". Oh, wonderful, well good for you, i said as my soul was deflated once more.

That brings us to yesterday, Friday August 28, 2009. I slept for shit once again, but forced myself out of bed on time. I had a little breakfast, checked my email, took a shower and left for work around 12:45 pm, actually on time for a change! Cool! I'll have time to go out of my way a bit and swing by my favorite coffee stand instead of getting crap coffee and shit service from the Starbucks that's right on my way to work. Seemed like a nice little treat to help the day move along. So much for that fucking plan...

As i'm driving along minding my own business, i see brake lights ahead and a long line of cars waiting behind a traffic light. WTF?! This is odd, not usually this much traffic. Oh, i see...there's a state trooper on the shoulder with his lights on. Stupid fucking people are looking at the shiny object on the side of the road. So, i stop my car and am wondering why things still aren't moving now that the traffic light is green and the trooper is behind us. I take a glance in my rear view mirror just in time to see a massive white object bearing down on me. I had enough time to think "fuck, that's going awfully fuckin fast" and utter the first sixteenth of a syllable of "oh shit" as the fucking drooler piloting the giant sport utility vehicle slams into the back of my car going close to 40 mph. The force of the impact slams me back into my seat, and i rebound forward into the seat belt and back into the seat again a couple of times, and pushes my car into the car in front of me, and that car into the one in front of him, and that car into the one in front of him. Now i'm fucking PISSED. Once i get my bearings, i get out of my car and scream at the the dizzy bitch sitting in her now deployed airbag at the top of my lungs "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY CAR YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT!!!!!". Her reply, "i didn't mean to"... Well, fuck you. Fuck you very much. It's about this time that the statie asks me to return to whats left of my vehicle.

I spend the next 45 minutes filling out incident reports, arranging for a ride home, calling work to tell them i won't be coming in today, and contemplating the complete cluster fuck that is my life. So, it's not enough that i was closeted for 2o years, that i live a lonely and unhappy existence, that i can't get a date, and when i do the guy never wants to see me again, or that i get a ray of hope in the form of a guy who gave me his number to call and text him and hopefully date and then have my hopes crushed when he tells me there's no chance for a date. Nope, that's not enough. I know, take his car! He loves that car...that'll push him over the edge if you take his car. Fuck you.

So here's the deal. The car is pretty well fucked. If it's not a total loss, it's damn close. The only body panels that are untouched are the doors. The hood, both front quarter panels and front bumper and grill? Check. Roof panel? Check. Rear quarter panels, trunk lid, and bumper? Check, check and check. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK!!!!! The tow truck driver asked if i had the tow ring that screws into the front bumper and i'm like it's in the trunk tool kit under the spare. He goes to look and says, "have you looked in the trunk?" "No", i say, "why?". "Just come have a look." So, the trunk had to be pried open, and the spare tire well was squished as such to trap the spare tire and make getting at the tool kit under it impossible. Cargo tie downs that are attached to the frame are maybe eight inches forward of their original positions and about six inches lower. There is major rear frame damage and god know whats hidden away lurking in dark corners.

So, if the insureance assholes say "yeah, it's repairable" i'm fucked. Then i'll be stuck with a car that will never be the same again. It'll be full of odd rattles and squeaks and odd smells and will drive funny and will have goofy electrical problems for the rest of its days. The fucking factory puts those cars together in a certain order for a fucking reason, everything needs to fit correctly. Once its smashed to bits and put together again Frankenstein style, nothing is the way it was, i don't give a good goddamn how great the repair shop is. The car will have recorded damage history and will make resale value turn to dog shit. No one wants to buy a car that's been near totaled and patched together again. So i'm stuck with it...a rattle trap that i couldn't sell in exchange for fly shit AND a huge ass monthly payment for the next 5 and a half years.

Now, if by chance it's totaled out, i'm equally fucked but in a slightly different way. Then the insurance will cut me a check for market value of the car, not replacement value. That means, i will get a check that probably won't cover the loan balance. No worries tho, i've got gap protection. But there's still the matter of the ginormous cash down payment i made on the car to cover shit like extended warranties, gap coverage, sales tax, the loss i took on my trade in, etc. What about that loss? Tough shit. So basically, i am fucked raw, dry and hard either way it goes. One way or another, some stupid, inattentive cunt has caused me grief and cost me money. And what does she lose? Maybe $500 for her insurance deductible? A ticket for inattentive driving? What a crock of shit.

And before anyone says "It's just a car. Don't stress about it". NO. It's NOT just a fucking car. That car was the representation of a lifetime of hard work, a symbol of what i've achieved. Plus, it made me look good, got heaps of looks from cute boys. Most importantly, it made me happy. I was happy driving it, happy looking at it, made the days when i really didn't want to go to work seem worth while. I don't normally wish bad things upon people, but i've been sending out some especially hateful vibes in the direction of the dingbat who was too busy doing something OTHER than paying attention to the road while driving.



^ My baby, barely a week old.

First date

So, here i am, still alive and kicking after all this time. Thought i'd check in and say hi since i've been hearing from very reliable sources that people were starting to wonder what happened to me. Basically, things have been pretty droll. I called in sick to work three days last week because i haven't been sleeping to well recently and have actually been pretty depressed again. I can't even begin to describe the feelings i've been having. All the stress of coming out is gone. Like i said in a previous post, i now know that coming out is the easy part. At least for me it was because i'm severely handicapped in other areas of my life that make finding happiness post coming out rather difficult.

Like my age. Yeah yeah yeah...i keep hearing that 33 isn't that old. Well, i call bullshit. When the vast majority of gay singles are in their mid 20's, 33 is right fucking old. And personally, i want to meet a guy who is as inexperienced with being gay as i am (yeah, from a sexual point of view as well). Yup, still a gay virgin. Let me tell you, it fucking sucks! I have been wanking over cute guys since i was 14, but have never done the deed. At this rate, it looks like i never will...lol.

Another handicap is my work hours/days off. My work week runs Thursday thru Monday. I work friday night and have to be to work at 5:30am on Sunday morning, so Saturday night is pretty much a total loss. So, that leaves Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night. Not a whole helluva lot happening anywhere on those nights. Oh sure, a shitty taco night here or extended happy hour there. But no one else is out doing anything because they all work normal days and hours.

My "friends" are pretty much useless for anything but blowing sunshine up my ass about "you'll find someone" or "you're not too old" or "there's nothing wrong with you, you're a great guy! the reason no one messages you or you haven't met anyone is because you're just looking in the wrong places." or my my favorite "at least your finding out who isn't right for you". So, the people i work with are kind of like a little family i guess. But, they all have real families. I am the only single guy on my crew. Everyone else has wives and girlfriends and kids. So, the wives and girlfriends won't let their men go out with the crew homo to give him a little moral support when trying to check out a gay bar or two. Or the ones who do, want to haul their wives with them...yeah, real fun. So, basically you're going to keep your wife/girlfriend entertained all night long making me look like a fool sitting there by myself and feeling out of place. I love being the fifth wheel.

The crux of the matter is i have no one to go out with, no one who knows anybody to introduce me to, nobody to set me up and nobody to offer and real, actual helpful advice as to how to meet people locally or even where to go to meet people. With the exception of various clothing stores in the mall, where there seems to be an abundance of very cute, very gay guys working (all of whom would tell you i'm way to fucking old to go out with them), and the possible gay pizza boy, i have no idea where to go. Yeah, a fucking gay bar, i know. Again, the gay clubs are an hour and 2o minutes from my home and that's a long way away when you are driving home mostly drunk. Yes, i know i don't have to drink, but if i'm gonna be anywhere near social, i need booze. So, this post has pretty much just been me whining, hasn't it? and has nothing to do with a first date does it? Read on...

So, yeah, being out is heaps of fun. Nobody gives a shit i'm gay. I wish i had come to that realization 20 years ago so i wouldn't have wasted my fucking life away being alone and miserable. I know, i can't change the past so just let it go, right? Well, let me tell you something...carrying all the shit i've been carrying for all these years isn't something one can just "let go" of. All the "what ifs" just kill me. I missed out on innocent teenage sexual experimentation, dating, falling in love, and just being a normal, happy kid. Now all the guys who are at my level of sexual experience are way younger than me (and yes, i'm talking LEGAL ages here). So, it looks like i will have a teacher (if i can ever find someone) rather than someone to mutually explore my sexuality with. That may not seem like much, but i feel like i gypped myself out of so much. And now something like innocent fun will be more like getting training in the use of a new appliance than having fun.

Moving along, i want a motorcycle. Bad. But not just any motorcycle. A fast motorcycle. A ballsy motorcycle. An Italian motorcycle. A Ducati Streetfighter S (make mine black please). Yes boys and girls, it's a penis substitute, in a manner of speaking. Some guys (mainly sister-fucking rednecks) buy the biggest, tallest, stinkiest diesel powered Ford pick-up truck they can find because their dicks are only 2" fully erect. I need my fix in the form of high speeds and danger. Flying small aircraft, doing 140 mph in my hot rod European sports coupe on public highways, and 200 mph motorcycles. But make no mistake...my penis is both adequately sized and fully functioning. It simply doesn't see much action...lol. Hence, i want to go faster and do it more dangerously that ever before. "Those things are dangerous" a friend of mine keeps telling me. Yup. They most certainly are. But they are fast as hell, and give ya one hell of an adrenaline rush. "You'll kill youself on one of those". That's a distinct possibility, but if i do it will happen so fast i won't have time to reflect upon the situation. So in the meantime, it will be a nice little distraction to not getting laid.

"Finally! I thought he'd never shut the fuck up about the motorcycle or his shitty sex life!!!" Ok, so i had a date last week. I met him on a dating site. We had been talking online and texting for a couple weeks and finally agreed to meet for a date. So, i took him to a nice seafood place down on the water front (he told me seafood was his favorite food). On the drive to the restaurant, we had some great conversations, just like we'd had online and in texts. I was worried it would be awkward and we'd not have anything to say, but it was very relaxed and natural. Dinner was much the same. We had very few silences and the ones that we did have weren't awkward, fidgety silences. It was like we were completely at ease with each other and had known each other for years. Dinner was fabulous, and we both ate way too much good food. So, after dinner we walked off some of our food with a nice stroll along the waterfront, again accompanied by great convo and mutual appreciation of each others company. After our walk and enjoying the sunset, back to the car to head off to a movie. I got us only slightly lost trying to find the freeway, but we were having fun listening to music and talking and just being there in the moment. Went and saw a movie and went back to the car and started talking for a while. Finally our eyes locked and i said to him "You are really cute, you know that?". He gives me a look, half playful, half serious, and said "I'm not cute dammit!". So, i say "fine, you're hideous, but i like you anyway." At this point, he leans over and gives me a kiss. :D Wow!!! My first real kiss with a guy and boy did that feel good! It felt so natural and wonderful i don't have the words to describe it. So, fast forward an hour and a half to when we are about to part ways, we kiss goodnight and hug, and promise to see each other again...

And that's where the fairy tale ends. I wait a couple days to send him a text and ask how he's doing. No reply. I wait another day or so, and call him and leave a voice mail. Still no reply. I text him again a day later and get a short two word reply to my text and haven't heard from him since despite several other texts to him that would require a response from him. WTF?! My god, we got along really well online, great convos, and the date went really well, and HE kissed me! So what the hell did i do wrong? Needless to say, i'm really really disappointed and pretty sad given how promising things looked. I think i'm cursed for sure. I guess it was a fluke, proof that even a blind, old squirrel will sometimes find a nut.

On another front, i met another guy online that i have been texting for about a week. Again, we have a lot in common (including a love of fast cars :P) and have been having a lot of great text convos. He is out of town on business and we have been texting everyday for the last week. :) So, things are looking promising, but i'm trying not to get too excited or seem too eager. In fact, he hasn't said anything about what he wants (friendship only or possibly leading to a LTR, or whatever else). We really seem to click. His sense of humor is pretty much on par with mine (sick, twisted, and a bit morbid...lol). I don't know where it will lead, but i'm hoping for the best.

Are you still reading? Wow!!! I'm impressed!!! If you made it all the way to the bottom of the post, you get a little something extra. A coupon redeemable for one free hug from yours truly. *coupon has no expiration date, and must be redeemed in person. coupon has no cash value*

If anything interesting happens, i'll be in touch. For now, i've been awake for 36 hours (caught a short nap yesterday tho) and i need some sleep.

Laterz...